Feb. 9th, 2015 05:24 pm
Is there a DA2 mod that fixes it so Hawke doesn’t run “sexily,” which apparently means “knees tied loosely together”

Edit: Found it.

Feb. 7th, 2015 10:56 am
Dreamed that Fenris refused to participate in a DLC campaign which had been written by Paarfi.

Hawke: dude no

Hawke: you can’t just leave the party because you don’t like the *narrative voice*

Fenris: i definitely can

#Also Kefka from FFVI was there #which actually makes more sense now that I'm awake.
So obviously the canonical DA2 ending is the one with the most bad conversations and avoidable emotional strife, so Hawke should hatefuck Anders and then tell him and Sebastian both to fuck off.

But I like the Isabela romance best; she just seems like the best fit for sarcastic!Hawke, in terms of emotional maturity and tidily-convergent personal histories.

But I also do not want to break Isabela and Fenris up, because they’re pretty adorable together?

But I also also do not want Fenris to be by himself post-game, because that is his whole Positive Character Arc, being able to feel a sense of belonging in this awful little social group?

But Isabela also feels exactly the same way, she’s just somehow even more brain-fucked than the amnesiac elf and never quite expresses it openly?

Basically, it should be possible for Hawke, Isabela, and Fenris to all be married simultaneously post-game. Like Hawke’s insistence on also making out with Anders sometimes was the only thing that stood in the way of this triple-marriage, and now that he’s fucked off they can be happily self-destructive shitheads on Isabela’s boat together.

(Has anyone written fanfic for this)

#also agender hawke should be possible #afab so as to have grumpy half-elf babies #who will turn out to be mages #causing fenris brain problems #isabela wants to use them to blow up qunari #'let's go find merrill to train our children in how to wreck shit' #hawke is like 'maybe not merrill but yeah that sounds okay' #fenris climbs up in the crow's nest and doesn't come down for like days #urinates on isabela's head and stuff

Feb. 5th, 2015 09:34 am
Is Varric ace, or did he just edit The Actual Bianca out of his story because he initially wasn’t sure how far Cassandra wanted to take the Scheherazade thing?

Feb. 4th, 2015 03:42 am
It occurred to me that there were no horses in DAO or DA2, so maybe I shouldn’t make Dorfwarden say “horseshit.”

But when I looked it up, apparently they appear in DAI? Way to fuck up a sterling horse-free record, Bioware.

# fucking horses they think they can go wherever they want

Feb. 2nd, 2015 05:37 pm
My canonical DA2 ending is one where sarcastic!rogue!Hawke hatefucks Anders, supports the mages, angrily dumps him after he does 9/11, and then lets him live and tells Sebastian to go fuck himself in his imaginary fake city he’s in charge of. It just makes the most sense to me.

Also, she pisses Merrill off until she breaks the mirror, because I want Merrill to not be completely fucked in the head.

Jan. 31st, 2015 05:10 pm
*Attempts to restrain self from writing ashen Fenris/Hawke/Isabela/Anders shit in which Hawke and Isabela are taking turns being the middle leaf and fucking up in basically similar ways because they both have the emotional intelligence of purebred Saint Bernards.*

Jan. 31st, 2015 01:54 am
The optimally-healthy relationship path for Hawke is “piss off some fucking wizards.”

# i am replaying with the aim of pissing off anders and merrill to the greatest possible extent # without also pissing off aveline # aka 'the only decent person in the room'
Isabela and Fenris are dating because they bonded over their shared experience of being the only fucking characters who never have to put a doomed loved one out of their misery in a horrific depressing cut-scene.

Aveline - husband
Anders - first love
Merrill - mother-figure
Hawke - mother, potentially also sibling
Varric - potentially brother

Fenris does have the option of murdering his long-lost sister, though! And Isabela can be in the party while you betray her BFF, though he always survives the encounter.

Jan. 29th, 2015 07:48 pm
What DAO and DA2 fanfic should I read? Is there any good stuff about Shale’s decision to re-dorf or her relationships with Wynne and Sten, or with a dorfwarden? Or Wynne and Loghain? Or Fenris doing damage to Anders.
does that florence and the machine song always play over the end credits, for varric reasons

or is this a special treat for if you married anders

It’s DOG

Jan. 28th, 2015 11:06 pm
So all the DA2 characters have a personal specialization with character-relevant skills described like this:

Experienced Hand - This isn’t Isabela’s first dance. And it won’t be her last.

Veneer of Calm - Fenris maintains an appearance of calm, but it is only a facade. Every wound he takes stirs at his deeply buried resentment, increasing his attack damage.

Kickback - As a merchant prince, Varric knows that sometimes you need a well-placed bribe, and sometimes you need a well-placed bolt.

Thick Skin - Long years on the front lines have made Aveline unusually… durable.

And then there’s Hawke. This is her whole personal skill tree.

picture of a dog

Dog - Hawke yells at the dog.

Fucking Kentuckian.

Jan. 28th, 2015 10:23 pm
None of this would have had to happen if they had just let Anders keep his cat.

Jan. 28th, 2015 03:43 pm
Ouran High School Gray Warden Club

No, that name doesn’t sound good

Anyway, Alistair’s Tamaki, DAO female protag is Haruhi, Morrigan is Kyouya, Leliana and Zevran are the twins. Templars are the football team, mages are the Zuka club.

# I guess shale is honey? # if so sten's probably mori # I don't know what to do with Wynne though # oghren is... kasunoda? # anders is certainly nekozawa
Was it totally impossible for Hawke’s friends/frenemies to be friends with each other? Merrill and Varric are the only ones who really even try, and Merrill is too confused to get far with anyone except Varric.

Obviously Anders is the fucking worst: Like two seconds after Fenris is horrifically betrayed by his long-lost sister, Anders is yelling at him about being mean to mages again. Fenris expresses despair, Hawke tries to comfort him “you have friends,” Anders goes “not me!” Apparently Anders actually approves if you betray Fenris to Danarius, but I can’t stand to watch that scene.

And they’ve known Merrill and Anders for like six years by act 3, and Fenris and Sebastian are still talking wistfully about turning them in to the Templars to be killed. Isabela literally starts a war and then leaves to let everyone else deal with it! Aveline cannot appear to stand anyone in the party, including Hawke half the time, and it’s hard to fucking blame her!

Like, it felt weird in DAO if you lost Alistair and the party just didn’t acknowledge it, but here, it feels totally reasonable if you lose Isabela and no one says a word! Because these people are not actually friends. They’re a bunch of intensely intolerant ideologues with differing ideologies and occasionally-intersecting personal goals. None of them gives a shit about the others. It’s exhausting.

Jan. 27th, 2015 02:45 pm
In the Mark of the Assassin wait no Legacy DLC Anders is doing his “I am cursed and I curse all around me” thing, and Hawke (mine is doing the redrom option with him) says exasperatedly “Okay okay I’ll keep it in mind” and Varric says “Wow it’s great how you always make that line work.” I kind of expected to just spontaneously lose approval points with him.

I brought Fenris along for this, but he unfortunately hasn’t had much to say. But I’m glad he apparently enjoyed the sequence in which you have to beat Anders up to proceed! Just, not sure how to feel about the fact that Anders also kinda seems to have enjoyed it.

Jan. 27th, 2015 02:27 pm
What the DA2 mod scene is missing is a mod which allows you to flush Anders down the toilet.

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