Daily Happiness
Oct. 25th, 2025 06:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
torachan1. Nice farmers market haul this morning, including a big bag of dried persimmons. I had some this afternoon for a snack and they are excellent. The only problem is the same problem I have with all dried fruit: being careful not to eat too much at once!
2. I finally put the Billy bookshelf together today. We got one in blue, so it matches the other blue Ikea cabinet and bedside table in Carla's room (I don't remember the name of that series, something not as easy to remember as Billy, that's for sure). I was dreading putting the doors on because I hate hinges, but the hinges on this are the easiest Ikea hinges I've done. (Rather than having to hold up the doors to screw them on, these hook on first so they can kind of help hold themselves up.)
3. Speaking of furniture, we've been wanting to get a coffee table for the garage and just not gotten around to it, but I have some Lego Christmas sets that I want to display on a coffee table, so now is the time. I poked around online a bit this evening looking for something and we settled on this one from Target, which lifts up like the one we have in the house, to make it easier to work on stuff while sitting on the sofa.
4. We had another baked potato with a Trader Joe's frozen topping tonight, this time it was chicken mole. WOW. This was even better than the birria. Would definitely get this again for baked potatoes.
5. Ollie's soaking in the sun.
2. I finally put the Billy bookshelf together today. We got one in blue, so it matches the other blue Ikea cabinet and bedside table in Carla's room (I don't remember the name of that series, something not as easy to remember as Billy, that's for sure). I was dreading putting the doors on because I hate hinges, but the hinges on this are the easiest Ikea hinges I've done. (Rather than having to hold up the doors to screw them on, these hook on first so they can kind of help hold themselves up.)
3. Speaking of furniture, we've been wanting to get a coffee table for the garage and just not gotten around to it, but I have some Lego Christmas sets that I want to display on a coffee table, so now is the time. I poked around online a bit this evening looking for something and we settled on this one from Target, which lifts up like the one we have in the house, to make it easier to work on stuff while sitting on the sofa.
4. We had another baked potato with a Trader Joe's frozen topping tonight, this time it was chicken mole. WOW. This was even better than the birria. Would definitely get this again for baked potatoes.
5. Ollie's soaking in the sun.
Find Him Where You Left Him Dead, by Kristen Simmons
Oct. 25th, 2025 10:52 amrachelmanija
A YA novel about five friends who once played a spooky game that only four of them survived. Four years later, their friendship now broken, the ghost of their dead friend returns to drag them into a gameworld based on Japanese folklore. They must play again, for higher stakes, or else.
I like Japanese folklore, "years ago our group of friends did something bad that's now come back to haunt us," and deathworlds/gameworlds. This book sometimes hit the spot for me but more often didn't; it feels like the bones of a good book that needed a couple more drafts. The main issue, I think, is pacing. It's very fast-paced once it hits the gameworld, to the point where it feels like it's rushing from one scenario to the next, without having time to breathe. This also affects character. The characters are there, but they're a bit shallow because of the go-go-go pacing.
The best parts are a really excellent twist I did not at all see coming, and the scene where they all have to play truth or dare with younger versions of themselves at the ages they were when they first played the game. That part digs into character and relationships, not to mention the feeling of that game itself, in a really satisfying way. If the whole book worked on that level, it would have been much better.
There's a sequel that doesn't sound like it goes anywhere interesting.
Database maintenance
Oct. 25th, 2025 08:42 am![[staff profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user_staff.png){kind=small}
mark posting in ![[site community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/comm_staff.png){kind=small}
dw_maintenanceGood morning, afternoon, and evening!
We're doing some database and other light server maintenance this weekend (upgrading the version of MySQL we use in particular, but also probably doing some CDN work.)
I expect all of this to be pretty invisible except for some small "couple of minute" blips as we switch between machines, but there's a chance you will notice something untoward. I'll keep an eye on comments as per usual.
Ta for now!
Books Received, October 18 — October 24
Oct. 25th, 2025 09:20 amjames_davis_nicoll
Eight works new to me. Three fantasies, two horror, two SF, and one hard-to-classify RPG. One of the SF books is pretty horrory, so maybe that should be three fantasies, three horror, one SF, and one hard-to-classify RPG.
Books Received, October 18 — October 24
Poll #33761 Books Received, October 18 — October 24
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 47
Which of these look interesting?
View Answers
Abyss by Nicholas Binge (May 2026)
6 (12.8%)
Testimony of Mute Things by Lois McMaster Bujold (October 2025)
27 (57.4%)
Morsel by Carter Keane (April 2026)
4 (8.5%)
The Cove by Claire Rose (May 2026)
5 (10.6%)
Outgunned by Riccardo “Rico” Sirignano & Simone Formicola, with art by Daniela Giubellini (December 2024)
5 (10.6%)
And Side by Side They Wander by Molly Tanzer (May 2026)
16 (34.0%)
Lightning Runes by Harry Turtledove (March 2026)
8 (17.0%)
A Long and Speaking Silence by Nghi Vo (May 2026)
24 (51.1%)
Some other option (see comments)
0 (0.0%)
Cats!
36 (76.6%)
UK people: Scrap The Bathroom Ban
Oct. 25th, 2025 11:33 amrydra_wonghttps://actionnetwork.org/letters/scrap-the-bathroom-ban
From TransActual and Trans+ Solidarity Alliance. Produces a template letter to your MP which you can customize as much as you can or want to.
Article by Jane Fae of TransActual (who have been absolutely kicking ass):
https://www.scenemag.co.uk/jane-fae-a-director-of-transactual-writes-on-the-eve-of-launching-a-new-campaign-to-get-mps-to-reject-the-ehrcs-bathroom-ban/
There are now a bunch of Labour MPs who are worried and making noises at the government, even if it's only about the impact on businesses of rules which are possibly illegal and impossible to follow without getting sued:
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/oct/23/dozens-of-labour-mps-warn-of-chaos-for-firms-over-gender-recognition-advice
It's alleged that Bridget Phillipson was sitting on the guidance because she was worried it'd scupper her bid for the deputy leadership, whereas Powell is actively trans-friendly and has called for MPs to have a chance to debate and vote on the guidance.
The below may be an overly optimistic view but it seems clear there's tension and conflict between the EHRC and government:
https://iandunt.substack.com/p/frightened-and-desperate-ehrc-anti (warning for Substack, in case you are boycotting it)
So this is a moment when leverage is possible, and letters to your MP may actually do something.
From TransActual and Trans+ Solidarity Alliance. Produces a template letter to your MP which you can customize as much as you can or want to.
Article by Jane Fae of TransActual (who have been absolutely kicking ass):
https://www.scenemag.co.uk/jane-fae-a-director-of-transactual-writes-on-the-eve-of-launching-a-new-campaign-to-get-mps-to-reject-the-ehrcs-bathroom-ban/
There are now a bunch of Labour MPs who are worried and making noises at the government, even if it's only about the impact on businesses of rules which are possibly illegal and impossible to follow without getting sued:
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/oct/23/dozens-of-labour-mps-warn-of-chaos-for-firms-over-gender-recognition-advice
It's alleged that Bridget Phillipson was sitting on the guidance because she was worried it'd scupper her bid for the deputy leadership, whereas Powell is actively trans-friendly and has called for MPs to have a chance to debate and vote on the guidance.
The below may be an overly optimistic view but it seems clear there's tension and conflict between the EHRC and government:
https://iandunt.substack.com/p/frightened-and-desperate-ehrc-anti (warning for Substack, in case you are boycotting it)
So this is a moment when leverage is possible, and letters to your MP may actually do something.
Daily Happiness
Oct. 24th, 2025 07:36 pmtorachan1. Not only is it the weekend, it's a three day weekend! We're going to Oogie Boogie Bash on Sunday night so I decided to take Monday off since we'll be out late (ish).
2. I love this picture of Jasper so much. Those big eyes! The little glimpse of pink tongue!
2. I love this picture of Jasper so much. Those big eyes! The little glimpse of pink tongue!
Weekly Reading
Oct. 24th, 2025 05:56 pmtorachanRecently Finished
Murder in Matrimony
The ending of this felt like it was wrapping up the series, which is fine because I'd already decided not to read any more. ( antisemitism )
The War on Alcohol: Prohibition and the Rise of the American State
Finally finished this! It was actually really interesting, I just kept not reading it in favor of other things. In school Prohibition was passed over as basically like "it happened and then they repealed it", with the main focus of the early 20th century going towards the World Wars and Great Depression. I had no idea that Prohibition was so tied to the revival of the KKK, for example.
Artistic Buildings and Homes of Los Angeles
A very short book that is mainly pictures of buildings and houses in LA in the late 1800s, built by architect Joseph Newsom. The book has a forward and introduction written in 1988, and then the rest is a direct replica of a book put out by the architect to showcase his work, complete with ads that ran alongside the photos. It's very neat. Found it in a Little Free Library in the neighborhood.
Don't Hang Up
An Audible Original by the author of Everyone in My Family Has Killed Someone. He's done quite a few Audible Originals (the one below being another) and they're all short and free with my subscription, so I gave them a try, but none of them have been great. This one was interesting enough, but the MC was an asshole. He's a radio DJ who's been recently demoted to the midnight shift and one night gets a caller who tells him to stay on the line or a woman gets killed. Had some good twists, but it was just fine, not amazing.
Find Us
I really wish he would stick to writing stories set in Australia. This is the second one of his set in the US and there are always nitpicky things that bug me lol. Also if I'm reading an author from another country, it's because I want to read stories set in that country or at least with characters from that country (especially with an audiobook). But that's just minor stuff. This one felt like it really should have been longer (it's four hours, so about novella length). The MC is a former police detective, now working secretly for the FBI, trying to find school killers before they act by approaching kids who show red flags on social media and forums. One day her own kids go missing and she doesn't wait for the police, convinced she can find them herself. This had some interesting twists but I felt like the aftermath could have used more focus.
( spoilers )
My Home Hero vol. 4
Murder in Matrimony
The ending of this felt like it was wrapping up the series, which is fine because I'd already decided not to read any more. ( antisemitism )
The War on Alcohol: Prohibition and the Rise of the American State
Finally finished this! It was actually really interesting, I just kept not reading it in favor of other things. In school Prohibition was passed over as basically like "it happened and then they repealed it", with the main focus of the early 20th century going towards the World Wars and Great Depression. I had no idea that Prohibition was so tied to the revival of the KKK, for example.
Artistic Buildings and Homes of Los Angeles
A very short book that is mainly pictures of buildings and houses in LA in the late 1800s, built by architect Joseph Newsom. The book has a forward and introduction written in 1988, and then the rest is a direct replica of a book put out by the architect to showcase his work, complete with ads that ran alongside the photos. It's very neat. Found it in a Little Free Library in the neighborhood.
Don't Hang Up
An Audible Original by the author of Everyone in My Family Has Killed Someone. He's done quite a few Audible Originals (the one below being another) and they're all short and free with my subscription, so I gave them a try, but none of them have been great. This one was interesting enough, but the MC was an asshole. He's a radio DJ who's been recently demoted to the midnight shift and one night gets a caller who tells him to stay on the line or a woman gets killed. Had some good twists, but it was just fine, not amazing.
Find Us
I really wish he would stick to writing stories set in Australia. This is the second one of his set in the US and there are always nitpicky things that bug me lol. Also if I'm reading an author from another country, it's because I want to read stories set in that country or at least with characters from that country (especially with an audiobook). But that's just minor stuff. This one felt like it really should have been longer (it's four hours, so about novella length). The MC is a former police detective, now working secretly for the FBI, trying to find school killers before they act by approaching kids who show red flags on social media and forums. One day her own kids go missing and she doesn't wait for the police, convinced she can find them herself. This had some interesting twists but I felt like the aftermath could have used more focus.
( spoilers )
My Home Hero vol. 4
Exit Sigil
Oct. 24th, 2025 08:51 pmjames_davis_nicollFrom WOTC: exit their VTT
We have made the difficult decision to end development on Sigil. T
A World Worth Saving, by Kyle Lukoff
Oct. 24th, 2025 12:48 pmrachelmanija
A middle grade fantasy novel about A, a Jewish trans kid who has not yet chosen a name, and whose parents are forcing him to attend a teen conversion therapy group. He secretly texts with the other trans kids in the group and they support each other. When one of his friends disappears, he meets a strange being that constitutes itself from any discarded objects it can sweep up in a wind - a trash golem - that sets him on a mission.
A hooks up with a bunch of LGBTQ people living in a kind of homemade squat, discovers that the conversion therapy leaders are either demons or possessed by demons, and meet a very supportive rabbi and her husband, who know a lot about Jewish folklore, though - and what could be more Jewish? - they don't always agree about what any of it means.
( Read more... )
This is a sweet, affirming book for all the trans, nonbinary, genderfluid, and suchlike kids out there, and God knows they can use the affirmation. There's some quite beautiful and affecting moments - the first encounter with the trash golem has a blend of the numinous and comedic that reminded me of Terry Pratchett - and I loved the treatment of A's Jewishness and how that connects to both the fantasy elements and his community. I also liked how A being in a liminal space - he's given up his old name but not yet chosen a new one, he's parted from his family and joining a new one, etc - ties in with the book's time period, the Days of Awe, when all is written but not yet sealed.
The elements I did not enjoy so much were the pace, which gets very rushed toward the end, the sometimes Tumblr-esque quality which did make sense as it's about Tumblr kids but which I still find grating, and, unexpectedly, A himself. He's so self-centered and judgy, and though he does eventually learn better I did not like him. I did not enjoy reading all the scenes where he scolds his friends or they scold him, or when they end up telling him exactly why he's a bad friend and refuse to help him with his mission. I've read this exact form of conflict in multiple books recently, and while it's a real thing that happens, reading about it feels like nails on a chalkboard.
I didn't ultimately end up loving this book, but it has a lot of heart and I'm glad it exists. The somewhat similar book that I did love, which doesn't have those unpleasant "bad friends" dynamics, was Chuck Tingle's Camp Damascus.
Content notes: Transphobia is central to the story.
Chess (Imperial Theater, New York City, 9/17/25)
Oct. 23rd, 2025 01:37 pmcoffeeandinkChess is a show I know entirely through the cast recordings; if I recall correctly, it was such a thoroughly Cold War project that the liner notes referred to the two chess players as only "the American" and "the Russian". The new book by Danny Strong turns it into a (even more) melodramatic period piece, with the chess matches not simply a allegory for political tensions or a way of obtaining minor diplomatic concessions but tools for averting World War III. The Arbiter is dragooned as a narrator, who exposits both the global situation and the personal interactions with the characters, partly through a series of very bad and very obvious jokes.
Freddie Trumper, American grandmaster and obnoxious wunderkind, is challenged by Anatoly Sergievesky, mordant, depressed, and engaged in a clandestine flirtation with Freddie's chess second and lover, Florence Vassy. Freddie is notoriously a weak point in the original book, so prone to anti-Communist slurs, misogyny, and temper tantrums it is impossible to extend him much sympathy. The new version mitigates this by giving him bipolar disorder and medical noncompliance, and also by casting Aaron Tveit. Tveit is indeed so good and so charismatic that I was on Freddie's side way more than I expected, although not enough to take self-pity anthem "Pity the Child" seriously. (The rest of the audience seemed less skeptical.) Lea Michele as Florence is just as strong vocally, and almost as strong in terms of acting, though unfortunately without much romantic chemistry with either partner. (The closest any scene comes to a sexual charge is Freddie's sleazy half-assed attempt at persuading Anatoly to throw the game in Act II.) Nicholas Christopher as Anatoly is the weak point in Act I, where I had the same opinion as I had of his Sweeney Todd: he's got the potential to be great, but he isn't quite there yet. He really needs to work on his emoting, which is too flat even for the murderous Sweeney or the dour Anatoly. He is greatly handicapped in Chess by having to affect a Russian accent, which I really hope the production drops. But! He pulled out all stops in Act II, both for the songs and the acting, and won me over with his intensity and vocal power.
So basically: the book is still flawed and they need to cut the runtime, particularly in Act I. This was the second night of previews, so there's still time for changes before the show technically "opens". If we're lucky, they'll start by cutting the topical jokes.
But the point of Chess has never been the book; it is the score full of bangers and power ballads. The music is by ABBA's Benny Andersson and Björn Ulvaeus and the lyrics by Ulvaeus and Tim Rice. And the musical performances are GREAT. I am still guiltily fond of the kinda-no-really-very-racist "One Night in Bangkok" (which can plausibly be explained as Freddie's typical white guy take on the city) and which in this production is a camp masterpiece. I am seriously tempted to see the show again just for that.
Death in the Cards by Mia P. Manansala
Oct. 24th, 2025 08:57 amjames_davis_nicoll
High school student and semi-professional tarot card reader Danika Dizon assists her PI mother to look for a missing person... a teen who vanished after Danika gave her a tarot card reading.
Death in the Cards by Mia P. Manansala
Daily Happiness
Oct. 23rd, 2025 08:10 pmtorachan1. I took a walk after lunch today and while the sun did peek out a few times, it was mostly overcast and made for very pleasant walking. Right now I've been trying to do a midday walk at least twice during the work week, but once we get into cooler weather I'll definitely be upping that, maybe even to daily. I do so much more sitting in one place in this current position than I did as area manager, and it's nice to get out and move around a bit.
2. I finished up another puzzle today. This is our third Disney villains puzzle, but it seems to be a very popular theme, going by the fact that when I was looking at puzzles at Target the other day, there were two other villains ones that were not the same as the ones we have. This one is a 750 piece one (only the second puzzle I've done this large) so it has room for more villains. Of course there's overlap in all the puzzles, but it's always interesting to see which ones they pick. This one has the main baddies on the V and their henchmen/women on the border, which was a fun design.
3. Look at that fluffy fur!
2. I finished up another puzzle today. This is our third Disney villains puzzle, but it seems to be a very popular theme, going by the fact that when I was looking at puzzles at Target the other day, there were two other villains ones that were not the same as the ones we have. This one is a 750 piece one (only the second puzzle I've done this large) so it has room for more villains. Of course there's overlap in all the puzzles, but it's always interesting to see which ones they pick. This one has the main baddies on the V and their henchmen/women on the border, which was a fun design.
3. Look at that fluffy fur!
Bundle of Holding: Nightmares Underneath (from 2023)
Oct. 23rd, 2025 11:41 amjames_davis_nicoll
The August 2023 Nightmares Underneath Bundle featuring The Nightmares Underneath, the old-school horror-fantasy tabletop roleplaying game from Chthonstone Games.
Bundle of Holding: Nightmares Underneath (from 2023)
Girl in the Creek by Wendy N. Wagner
Oct. 23rd, 2025 08:51 amjames_davis_nicoll
Faraday, Oregon, seems to have a missing persons problem. Its problem is much worse.
Girl in the Creek by Wendy N. Wagner
ICE is coming to town
Oct. 22nd, 2025 10:56 pmladyjaxPer the Oaklandside:
Major federal immigration operation will begin tomorrow in the Bay Area
What it says on the tin. They're staging out at Coast Guard Island in Alameda (that only has one way off of it, BTW). I sat in on an emergency call with Bay Resistance and there will be some folks out there tomorrow morning. Not sure what the action is going to be. Organizations here have been collectively organizing for months so we'll see how it all shakes out. Oakland, the city council and Mayor Barbara Lee are pretty firm in how we collectively feel about this.
Unfortunately, San Francisco has Daniel Lurie as mayor and a bunch of feckless tech bros who think they want Feds in the street but are just now realizing that they have miscalculated with their bullshit (looking at you, Mark Benioff. YOU DON'T EVEN LIVE HERE ANYMORE).
In any case, I have the rapid response numbers on my phone, directions on how to document ICE activities (don't depend it on your phone. It is recommended that folks write information down) and a lot of crankiness. Moreso than my usual level.
Bay Resistance has a Get Ready page with ways to get involved. Do what you can, where you can.
I am worried. I am worried for Shirley and her staff at the restaurant, for all us out and about on our bikes and walking and living. However, i take heart from New York's response as well as other cities. The orange fucker is trying to speed run this and the cracks are there.
Major federal immigration operation will begin tomorrow in the Bay Area
What it says on the tin. They're staging out at Coast Guard Island in Alameda (that only has one way off of it, BTW). I sat in on an emergency call with Bay Resistance and there will be some folks out there tomorrow morning. Not sure what the action is going to be. Organizations here have been collectively organizing for months so we'll see how it all shakes out. Oakland, the city council and Mayor Barbara Lee are pretty firm in how we collectively feel about this.
Unfortunately, San Francisco has Daniel Lurie as mayor and a bunch of feckless tech bros who think they want Feds in the street but are just now realizing that they have miscalculated with their bullshit (looking at you, Mark Benioff. YOU DON'T EVEN LIVE HERE ANYMORE).
In any case, I have the rapid response numbers on my phone, directions on how to document ICE activities (don't depend it on your phone. It is recommended that folks write information down) and a lot of crankiness. Moreso than my usual level.
Bay Resistance has a Get Ready page with ways to get involved. Do what you can, where you can.
I am worried. I am worried for Shirley and her staff at the restaurant, for all us out and about on our bikes and walking and living. However, i take heart from New York's response as well as other cities. The orange fucker is trying to speed run this and the cracks are there.
~We will become silhouettes
Oct. 22nd, 2025 09:00 pmzarlaOof, had a rough couple of days. I went to go see Alex for his birthday last weekend, and it was fun to see him again but it does make me a little sad to go there. His house looks really nice, it's really lovely and he loves it there, and I guess it just emphasizes that gulf of distance that can only really be temporarily crossed. I don't want to live in the desert, and he doesn't want to leave it. It's just how it is. He's been busy lately so we haven't had much time to play games together either.
I was already feeling kind of melancholy after I got back, but then my mom found an old bag of Nana's that had a lot of photos of hers I hadn't seen before. More than that though, it had the note that she had taped up to her wall. Nana sometimes wrote out things on paper and taped them up for whatever reason. I don't remember exactly when she taped up this particular one, but it was basically her begging God to help her or save her when she was sick. Every time I went into her room to check on her or get her for treatment or ask her something or when she needed help, I'd see that note on the wall just "please please god help me" and it broke my heart. I never talked about it and she never talked about it but it was always just there, hanging there. I'd kind of forgotten about it until I saw it again and it just rocketed me right back to that time period again. I guess I was kind of numb when I first saw it and then the pain of it hit me more slowly through the night. I ended up crying for a while about it at various points over the past few days. Grief never really leaves you, I guess. Mostly just feel tired and sad.
Today I took Gatsby in for a follow-up on his eye. I forget if I mentioned this here or not, but Gatsby's left eye started looking strange a while back, so I went to get it checked out at an opthalmologist. They can't tell what's wrong with his eye exactly, but something is clearly wrong with it. The pressure in it is sky high and he's lost vision in it, and it's probably causing him constant headaches. I tried one course of medication which got the pressure down a bit, and this second course I was hoping would help even more. His eye looked better to me! But when I took him in it turned out his eye pressure was sky high again, and while his eye didn't look as dark as it did before, his pupil is strangely shaped now, which points to some kind of tumor in there. They recommended the first time that I get the eye taken out, but it's such an expensive procedure... it'll run some 3700$ or so, which is just, a LOT.
I was hoping the eyedrops would help with it. The cost of the operation is considerable of course, but I was also worried about him in other respects... he's older now, like 14, and I'm worried a bit about how he'd handle the anesthesia. I'm worried about if they send the eye out to get checked and it turns out he's got some kind of malignant cancer in him somewhere. It could be a benign tumor in his eye, they can't be sure. The other eye is fine and he otherwise seems to be behaving normally, although he walks a bit slowly and he sleeps a lot. I can see blood in there sometimes too, but not all the time.
I don't know. I'm taking him in tomorrow for a blood panel, since the eyedrop meds also have their own side-effects. I feel like at this point I have to get the operation done, things point to it just getting worse as the meds stop working, and what if it spreads to his other eye? I keep feeling guilty about not taking him in sooner, like if I'd just been more proactive about it maybe it wouldn't have gotten this bad. I felt like this about Nana too, like if I'd just encouraged or pressured her more to get checked out by doctors sooner then she'd still be alive. I guess both situations are kind of echoing each other and leaving me in kind of a bad place. I got some dustjar ideas the other night which hasn't happened in a while.
I feel really tired and heavy. I haven't gotten too much sleep. It feels like there's stuff happening every day this week. I want to draw but I can't find the time, or when I do I can't get started, or when I do I feel guilty I'm not doing the next Defrag page, but I never feel like I can find enough time to finish it. I think that might just be an excuse to not start on it. This could all be a combination of a lot of things though, really. Contributing factors. There usually isn't a simple explanation for things.
If I do get Gatsby's eye out, and everything goes well, then he'll be laid out for two weeks and I'll have to keep an eye on him, keep him medicated, all of that. Once those two weeks are up and he gets the sutures out though, then he should just be good to go. Like after that, his life should just go back to normal, and he can go back to just the thyroid medicine each morning/night, which is actually super easy. I just grind up the tablets and put it in a treat and he eats it right up, not even a problem. Right now, or well, up to today, I was giving him eyedrops three times a day... and morning/night there were two drops that I had to stagger by 10 minutes, so it was a bit of a time investment... there's all this stuff to do but I felt kind of tethered by making sure I got Gatsby's drops all done in time. I think I did a pretty good job... I missed a few drops here or there, or a day or two due to stuff happening, but I tried to be really consistent with it. I mentioned that to the vet tech and she said it was unlikely anything I did would have messed anything up...
I don't know. I have some money saved up, I can afford to get the procedure done, I think... I'll have to see what the blood panel says when they get it back. They're checking it to make sure he'd be good for surgery, as well as the side-effects of the medication. It's possible maybe they can't do the surgery and there'll just be nothing I can do, and I'll just watch him die. No, those are grief thoughts, I can't take those seriously. My head is just in a really weird place right now. I love Gatsby so much, I don't want to lose him. I'm trying my best with him. Maybe if I got him in sooner it wouldn't have done anything. It probably doesn't help to think about it either way.
I haven't been getting much sleep lately which also probably doesn't help. There's so much to do and it feels like Halloween is so close. No idea what to wear or what I'll do, or what to draw. What I need is to eat and sleep and take a shower and not let this kind of stuff eat at me.
It turned out my niece came over while I was at the vet's, so when I got home I had to put on a kind of more upbeat kid-watching tone/face, which I could do just about although I didn't have a lot of energy. Gatsby was walking around meowing after I let him out of the carrier, but now he's just sleeping so I hope he's not in any pain or anything. I think he just gets huffy after I take him to the vet, like how dare I do that to him! He's probably going to be unhappy tomorrow when I take him in AGAIN, I'll have to try and sneak up on him quickly. It'll be early in the morning, so I shouldn't stay up too late tonight... I don't have anything drawn for Friday, I barely managed to get something done for today. Am I going to have time sometime on Thursday to get something done...? If I can focus enough when I do.
This is really kind of a stream of consciousness thing, but that's what journals are really meant for after all, haha. Just a lot going on lately...
lj post
I was already feeling kind of melancholy after I got back, but then my mom found an old bag of Nana's that had a lot of photos of hers I hadn't seen before. More than that though, it had the note that she had taped up to her wall. Nana sometimes wrote out things on paper and taped them up for whatever reason. I don't remember exactly when she taped up this particular one, but it was basically her begging God to help her or save her when she was sick. Every time I went into her room to check on her or get her for treatment or ask her something or when she needed help, I'd see that note on the wall just "please please god help me" and it broke my heart. I never talked about it and she never talked about it but it was always just there, hanging there. I'd kind of forgotten about it until I saw it again and it just rocketed me right back to that time period again. I guess I was kind of numb when I first saw it and then the pain of it hit me more slowly through the night. I ended up crying for a while about it at various points over the past few days. Grief never really leaves you, I guess. Mostly just feel tired and sad.
Today I took Gatsby in for a follow-up on his eye. I forget if I mentioned this here or not, but Gatsby's left eye started looking strange a while back, so I went to get it checked out at an opthalmologist. They can't tell what's wrong with his eye exactly, but something is clearly wrong with it. The pressure in it is sky high and he's lost vision in it, and it's probably causing him constant headaches. I tried one course of medication which got the pressure down a bit, and this second course I was hoping would help even more. His eye looked better to me! But when I took him in it turned out his eye pressure was sky high again, and while his eye didn't look as dark as it did before, his pupil is strangely shaped now, which points to some kind of tumor in there. They recommended the first time that I get the eye taken out, but it's such an expensive procedure... it'll run some 3700$ or so, which is just, a LOT.
I was hoping the eyedrops would help with it. The cost of the operation is considerable of course, but I was also worried about him in other respects... he's older now, like 14, and I'm worried a bit about how he'd handle the anesthesia. I'm worried about if they send the eye out to get checked and it turns out he's got some kind of malignant cancer in him somewhere. It could be a benign tumor in his eye, they can't be sure. The other eye is fine and he otherwise seems to be behaving normally, although he walks a bit slowly and he sleeps a lot. I can see blood in there sometimes too, but not all the time.
I don't know. I'm taking him in tomorrow for a blood panel, since the eyedrop meds also have their own side-effects. I feel like at this point I have to get the operation done, things point to it just getting worse as the meds stop working, and what if it spreads to his other eye? I keep feeling guilty about not taking him in sooner, like if I'd just been more proactive about it maybe it wouldn't have gotten this bad. I felt like this about Nana too, like if I'd just encouraged or pressured her more to get checked out by doctors sooner then she'd still be alive. I guess both situations are kind of echoing each other and leaving me in kind of a bad place. I got some dustjar ideas the other night which hasn't happened in a while.
I feel really tired and heavy. I haven't gotten too much sleep. It feels like there's stuff happening every day this week. I want to draw but I can't find the time, or when I do I can't get started, or when I do I feel guilty I'm not doing the next Defrag page, but I never feel like I can find enough time to finish it. I think that might just be an excuse to not start on it. This could all be a combination of a lot of things though, really. Contributing factors. There usually isn't a simple explanation for things.
If I do get Gatsby's eye out, and everything goes well, then he'll be laid out for two weeks and I'll have to keep an eye on him, keep him medicated, all of that. Once those two weeks are up and he gets the sutures out though, then he should just be good to go. Like after that, his life should just go back to normal, and he can go back to just the thyroid medicine each morning/night, which is actually super easy. I just grind up the tablets and put it in a treat and he eats it right up, not even a problem. Right now, or well, up to today, I was giving him eyedrops three times a day... and morning/night there were two drops that I had to stagger by 10 minutes, so it was a bit of a time investment... there's all this stuff to do but I felt kind of tethered by making sure I got Gatsby's drops all done in time. I think I did a pretty good job... I missed a few drops here or there, or a day or two due to stuff happening, but I tried to be really consistent with it. I mentioned that to the vet tech and she said it was unlikely anything I did would have messed anything up...
I don't know. I have some money saved up, I can afford to get the procedure done, I think... I'll have to see what the blood panel says when they get it back. They're checking it to make sure he'd be good for surgery, as well as the side-effects of the medication. It's possible maybe they can't do the surgery and there'll just be nothing I can do, and I'll just watch him die. No, those are grief thoughts, I can't take those seriously. My head is just in a really weird place right now. I love Gatsby so much, I don't want to lose him. I'm trying my best with him. Maybe if I got him in sooner it wouldn't have done anything. It probably doesn't help to think about it either way.
I haven't been getting much sleep lately which also probably doesn't help. There's so much to do and it feels like Halloween is so close. No idea what to wear or what I'll do, or what to draw. What I need is to eat and sleep and take a shower and not let this kind of stuff eat at me.
It turned out my niece came over while I was at the vet's, so when I got home I had to put on a kind of more upbeat kid-watching tone/face, which I could do just about although I didn't have a lot of energy. Gatsby was walking around meowing after I let him out of the carrier, but now he's just sleeping so I hope he's not in any pain or anything. I think he just gets huffy after I take him to the vet, like how dare I do that to him! He's probably going to be unhappy tomorrow when I take him in AGAIN, I'll have to try and sneak up on him quickly. It'll be early in the morning, so I shouldn't stay up too late tonight... I don't have anything drawn for Friday, I barely managed to get something done for today. Am I going to have time sometime on Thursday to get something done...? If I can focus enough when I do.
This is really kind of a stream of consciousness thing, but that's what journals are really meant for after all, haha. Just a lot going on lately...
lj post
Daily Happiness
Oct. 22nd, 2025 06:28 pmtorachan1. My meeting today was also shorter than planned, which was nice.
2. It's pretty windy today, and temps are down again, so it's feeling like fall. We were supposed to maybe get some rain last night, but didn't, but as long as the temps stay down, that's good for me.
3. Carla was able to get two cases of the apple tea she really loves at one of the other Japanese markets in the area (sadly, mine does not carry it, or I would have been able to get my employee discount). She's mostly been buying it a few bottles at a time, but last week was able to place an order for a couple cases and picked that up today.
4. Until we adopted Gemma, I'd never heard of cats having a curly tail. I've seen a couple pics here and there in the years since, but it does seem to be pretty rare. I love her little tail knott, though. (And it doesn't seem to cause her any issues.)
2. It's pretty windy today, and temps are down again, so it's feeling like fall. We were supposed to maybe get some rain last night, but didn't, but as long as the temps stay down, that's good for me.
3. Carla was able to get two cases of the apple tea she really loves at one of the other Japanese markets in the area (sadly, mine does not carry it, or I would have been able to get my employee discount). She's mostly been buying it a few bottles at a time, but last week was able to place an order for a couple cases and picked that up today.
4. Until we adopted Gemma, I'd never heard of cats having a curly tail. I've seen a couple pics here and there in the years since, but it does seem to be pretty rare. I love her little tail knott, though. (And it doesn't seem to cause her any issues.)
Stranded, by Melissa Braun
Oct. 22nd, 2025 11:38 amrachelmanija
From the blurb:
One fellow camper will do whatever it takes to make it out of the Boundary Waters alive. Even if he's the only one.
A psychological thriller mixed with intense action.
Nah, just kidding! It's not a psychological thriller, it's a survival story. One of the teenage campers is a racist, a sexual harasser, and an attempted rapist, but he never tries to kill any of the others or abandons them to die or anything like that.
Yep! It's another disappointing survival book with a misleading blurb and gratuitous grossness towards teenage girls!
Teenage Emma is traumatized after failing to save her younger sister from drowning, so she gets her parents to book her into a teen wilderness survival course to take her mind off things. In a portentous scene, her father gives her a Swiss army knife. She's confused and concerned that he's giving her a weapon to take on a camping trip - does he expect her to be attacked? I was confused why she would think of a Swiss army knife as a weapon rather than a tool. If you don't even know what a Swiss army knife is, then you can't tell that it's a knife at all when it's folded. If you recognize it when folded, then you know that it is a multitool.
The early part of the book jumps around confusingly in time, to the point where I flipped back pages repeatedly to see if I'd missed something. No, it was just the author's pointless decision to start with them pitching their tents after the first day's walk, then jump back to them packing their supplies.
We get very little characterization, but that's okay: three of the seven are about to die! Two days in, a strange storm hits their camp. It's described in such a portentous way that I thought it was supernatural or man-made, but nothing ever comes of this so I guess not. Two of the campers and the guide are squashed by falling trees, then a wildfire starts. Instead of jumping in the lake, they run for their lives and get very lost.
At this point, we get some characterization. Chloe is the girl who isn't Emma. Her race is coyly not mentioned until Isaac, the creepy boy, gets racist at her about being black. Oscar is the boy who isn't creepy, so Emma naturally falls in love with him. Isaac constantly sexually harasses Emma, once tries to rape her, and is sadistic to animals. This goes on for the entire book.
Late in the book, Oscar and Isaac both fall over a cliff. Isaac dangles from a rock stub by one hand, and holds Oscar, who is suspended in mid-air, by one backpack strap. Emma and Chloe make a rope of clothing, with a key part being her bra. Isaac somehow grabs the clothes rope without falling. He's clinging to a rock stub with one hand and a backpack strap supporting another person. How does he get one hand free to grab the bra rope without falling? This is not described as it's not thought through. He grabs the rope - again, anchored by A BRA tied to a tree - and, it's not clearly described, but it seems like Emma single-handed pulls him and Oscar up. Is the bra made of bungee cord?
Emma ponders that Isaac was very brave and unselfish. People are complicated, she realizes. This is as close as the book comes to any resolution on Isaac sexually harassing and threatening her for the entire book, oh and also TRYING TO RAPE HER.
This book sucked.
