I Am Completely Serious

He comes running whenever he thinks I'm stressed out. He's not really competent for the job, though. For example, he thinks that running water is a sign of emotional stress! It's clearly self-destructive behavior - he would never turn on a faucet or take a shower, he knows better.

He feels similarly about coding or writing fanfic, but he's probably mostly right about that.

He also thinks that sinking his claws into a human is how you calm them down. I know he's just trying to knead, but I'm neither wearing a thick coat of fur nor producing milk, and he's an unusually pointy cat - seriously, razor-sharp. I suspect I'm going to end up with at least one scar on my stomach as a result of his efforts to heal my wounded soul on Saturday. Cut for slightly gross:

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Me, on the phone: Bye, Mom -

Dad, yelling somewhere behind her: ASK HER IF SHE WANTS TWO CATS

Me: I don't want the cats.

Mom: She doesn't want the cats, dear.

Dad: No! Give me the phone, give it to me!

Mom: *sigh*

Dad, solemnly: Now, honey, listen. There are two new cats here.

Me: I am all catted out.

Buoyancy the Cat, lying beside me apparently asleep: *actually growls??? which he never does??????*

Me: ...And Bu just actually growled??? Which he never does?????? - So, his answer's also no!

Dad: Just come look at them, honey, please.

Me: Take those cats to the shelter.

Dad: No, listen, listen, they're really talented, they're smart, they were singing - they joined hands and sang the Puss in Boots song -

Me: This sounds unlikely, Dad!

Dad: They were singing together the whole way to the house in the car!

Me: This is not a point in the cats' favor.

Dad: The cats are here. They're here at the house. They're here. *hangs up*

(He will probably take them to the shelter.)

I put the fake Angel on a paper towel but it smelled too rubbing alcohol-y initially so I put it on the table. Bu sniffed it just now and then ran out of the room in a panic.

...I just heard him knock the desktop out of sleep mode.

#hes blogging

Since the cat was trying to eat it and he knows best, I just tried on the fake C5. It smells about right, to my fuzzy recollection? I don’t own any of the real stuff to compare it to, and I’ve only tried it on myself once, but the scent is properly initializing the expected traumatic scent-memories of being induced to hug and/or make conversation with strangers at family and political events.

(I don’t like C5. Or White Diamonds. They should back off and stop asking me how my horse princess book is. I am trying to read my horse princess book.)

So, an attempt was made! The Dollar Tree’s perfume supplier is not just dumping random stuff into these bottles. And they didn’t overdo the aldehydic elements to the point of harshness, like a dupe I tried a few years back.

It’s already wearing off, though. If I wanted a fake C5 with staying power (I don’t), I’d probably order some oil from one of those Etsy or eBay shops.

if he'd made sure the new one was dead before hiding it.

Rookie mistake, Bu.

I think Buoyancy's worked out that Dubiety is not coming back. He is being notably less buoyant than his name would suggest, and very clingy.

He wants to stay in the bedroom with me and wake me up every hour or so at night, I guess to make sure I'm alive; when I put him out, he claws at the carpet outside the bedroom door. When I take a shower, he sits on the sink and yowls at me. When I leave the house, he waits on the ottoman facing the front door, where he can see me right away when I come back.

And very, very loud. Buoyancy the Cat really wants to get to them.