I Am Completely Serious

Unsurprising effects:

* Body hair growing faster.

* Periods less predictable.

Surprising effects:

* Periods less painful + less ovarian-cyst-related discomfort.

* Acne better most of the time...

* ...but much, much worse after consuming dairy.

I had a terrible, terrible breakout, and after trying several other things, I took a few days off dairy as a test. My skin's almost clear again.

I WAS HOPING THAT THIS WOULD NOT WORK. I DON'T WANT TO STOP EATING YOGURT AND CHEESE. I ALSO DON'T WANT TO GO TO A GYNECOLOGIST FOR A NEW PRESCRIPTION. BECAUSE BASICALLY ANY GYNECOLOGIST TO WHOM I HONESTLY DESCRIBED MY CURRENT PROBLEMS WOULD INSIST THAT I GET A VAGINAL ULTRASOUND, AND THAT WOULD PROBABLY BE A GOOD IDEA BUT I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT STAND THOSE OH GOD

I am a Mishima-Yukio-caliber-self-destructive-lactose-intolerant-person. In German that could all be one word, right? Like, there's probably an actual German word reserved just for Mishima Yukio.

But I'm already having one of the top ten most painful periods of my life, despite the fact that the bleeding has yet to even start, so it's going to be basically the menstrual fucking apocalypse tomorrow whatever I choose to do to my chronically dysfunctional gastrointestinal apparatus, so who cares. I am going to make myself sick and sit here with my overheating laptop in my lap and make Rose and Kanaya make out while covered in blood. (Not mine. That would be perverse.)

I just read this. It is pretty hilarious.

This post is tagged with both "t: homestuck" and "a: mishima yukio". If blogging about your period had unlockable achievements, this would definitely get me a little badge of some kind.

I am in bed with my electric blanket turned on, my laptop positioned optimally in my lap to counteract chills, and a large cup of cheap bag tea, because the kitchen's too cold for me to stand in it long enough to brew loose stuff. The nausea and sensation that there's a cold golf ball lodged against the lower left of my uterus have faded.

I went to the gynecologist yesterday and she gave me a prescription for a three-month pill. I assume that this is my body getting revenge while it can. SCREW YOU, I CAN TRANSCRIBE PEOPLE'S BEWILDERING HANDWRITTEN LISTS OF PERSONAL PROPERTY DAMAGES JUST AS WELL LIKE THIS.

A few minutes ago, through my window, I saw the oldest of the neighbor kids bring out their new puppy, which is 1/2 to 1/3 the size of any one of their cats, and has a head so wildly disproportionate to its body that I'm amazed it can hold it up.

Naturally, Dad's Saint Bernard had to rush out there and start barking at it. She weighs about a hundred and ten pounds, and the puppy can't be more than eight or nine. I'm amazed she can even recognize it as a member of her own species. I got out of bed to bring her back in, and authorized the girl to scold Dad's dog for him: "If she ever does that again, just tell her, "Foofy! Bad!""

"Okay. Thank you," she said timidly. She'd picked the puppy up and backed far away from the fence. I don't think she's going to yell at the dog.