I Am Completely Serious

BUSYBODY LANDLADY: Hello, Li, exchange student who never actually goes to school. Are you off to your part-time job in the Screwing Up Endearingly sector of the service industry?

LI: ...yes...

MAO: I am a talking cat. Say, given that you are secretly BK201, codename Hei, pretty much the most dangerous dude in the world, why are you always screwing up endearingly?

LI: ...dunno...

HUANG: Obviously it is because he is secretly a ruthless manipulator empty of all human emotion, being a Contractor. Fuzake na.

*This suggestion will not be borne out by the plot.*

HUANG: Never mind. We are going to do something criminal-ish, for The Syndicate, because we are so very criminal. Yin, look at something! But be sure and do it all passive-like. Fuzake na!

YIN: ...

HUANG: That pose isn't passive enough! Danglier limbs! Glassier eyes! Fuzake na!

YIN: ...you said "fuzake na" again...

HUANG: I have to say it at least five times per episode. It's in the Crusty Guy manual. Hei, now that Yin has looked at something, you must go case the target! Be sure to be inconspicuous, by which I mean, fall down or something! And you should definitely accidentally make friends with everyone in the area, so they all remember your face!

LI: ...I fell down or something... and am eating a giant pile of food...

ATTRACTIVE YOUNG WOMAN: I am an attractive young woman! Your air of awkward sincerity entices me to trust you!

LI: (You are doomed along with everything you love.)

SCHOLARLY OLDER MAN: I am a scholarly older man! Your air of awkward sincerity entices me to trust you!

LI: (You are doomed along with everything you love.)

OTHER CONTRACTOR: I am another Contractor! There are actually two different alternatives for me here - either I am a total bastard with no motives, or I am conflicted with pathos-drenched motives! I may also be conflated with either of the two previously-mentioned one-off characters.

LI: (These variables will have no effect on your doom, along with that of everything you love.)

CHIEF KIRIHARA: Stop! Police! Hold still, while we ultimately fail to affect the plot!

OTHER CONTRACTOR: We're not going to do that. But if you want, later you can make a short statement of disappointment or hope, which will serve as a kind of emotional coda to the episode! Also, you can click your cell phone shut and then, your brow creased, mutter, "BK201...!"

CHIEF KIRIHARA: I can work with that.

HUANG: Hei! It's time for your interestingly passive-looking action sequence, possibly intercut with images of Yin looking vague as a reminder of your own essential powerlessness! Also - fuzake na.

LI: ...

ATTRACTIVE YOUNG WOMAN: *is doomed along with everything she loves* My accursed habit of acquiring some sort of power over those around me, whether via sexuality, science, or psionics, has undone me at last!

SCHOLARLY OLDER MAN: *is doomed along with everything he loves* My accursed failure as a father, husband, or brother has undone me at last! This is somewhat less creepy than what happened with the attractive young woman, at least!

LI: ...(I will now get worked up about the injustice of the situation, before killing the other contractor)...

OTHER CONTRACTOR: *is doomed along with a poignant reminder of the price of his/her power* My... thing has undone me at last! Gnomic utterance.

CHIEF KIRIHARA: Emotional coda to the episode.

(OPTIONAL) MEMBER OF MI6 OR EVENING PRIMROSE: Extra bonus gnomic utterance.

HUANG: I have found something to whine about. Fuzake na!

LI: ...

ATMOSPHERIC SUNSET AND/OR RAIN: ...