I Am Completely Serious

Originally published at I Am Completely Serious. You can comment here or there.

I’ve just done some Kingdom of Loathing math. Theoretically, if I were to liquefy all my items, I would have 380,597,379 meat. A Mr. Accessory, which presently has a market value of about 4,500,000 meat, costs $10.

So, I have about $840 in video game assets, if there was any way to cash them in.

(A lot of that’s in the form of Items-of-the-Month - the only things I’m missing since June ‘06 are the Travoltan trousers and the yuletide troll chrysalis.)

My main meat-bot script is actually pretty short - it’s only 670 lines, though it spans eight files. Because I use good practice and keep my MMO bots highly modular, you see. I also have about fifteen other, secondary bot-scripts for use in specialized situations, though several of them I think I’ve only ever used once.

This part of the book is written in language so Ancient, so Forbidden, so Unspeakable, and so Evil that you can't make heads or tails of it.

Luckily, you've got your trusty English to Ancient Forbidden Unspeakable Evil dictionary, and you're able to translate a little bit at a time.

You learn how to manipulate pure evil, and adapt it to your own particular method of spellcasting. Neat!

You gain a skill: Fearful Fettucini

You put the dictionary back on the shelf, for the next guy.

-

Using the skills taught to you by the Asian Vandalism Master of 「トイレットペーパー」 Fu, Steve, you expertly dress 's with the flowing white sheets of your ancestors. This reminds you of a haiku:

Burning cherry tree
Ev'ry blossom is aflame
Uh, here come the cops.

-KoL

But I went on my walk ANYWAY.



Things that got all wet due to general stupidity:

* my avocado

* my pants

* my cell phone (it's fine)

* my brand-new Fruits Basket 13 (it's not fine. Damnit.)

My back's been bothering me for about a week, but today it's been hurting nonstop, so I'm all cranky. Lying down hurts.

Important KoL quote:

As you wander through your mediocre trip, you hear music coming from the room next to you. Suddenly, you can see the music -- it's, like, floating through the air in front of you. And it looks pissed.

You get the jump on it. You hit for 98 damage.

I've been trying to write a very important post about the latest volume of Battle Angel Alita: Last Order and my feelings about Kishiro's new gaiden project and how I think Kishiro is very worried about race, but the only way he knows to deal with it is the way he deals with everything else that worries him (religion, Nikola Tesla, the space program, terrorism, psychiatry, female sexuality), that being burning things.

(the stuff he does with female sexuality is really weird)

Which is kind of interesting to see, because there isn't much manga that even thinks about it - but then, it's impossible to tell what he's trying to say. I've got no idea what it means that the queen of the German planet, with its rebel group called "Neo-Third Reich," has a black woman for a bodyguard. Nor can I explain the fact that the spoiled, largely-brainwashed, obviously-intended-to-be-the-US society is divided into two floating cities on opposite ends of a pole, one of which is all black and one of which is all white. But I'm pretty sure Kishiro thinks it means something.

I think UltraJump keeps psychiatrists on call 24/7 to make sure its artists get their stuff in on time.

Things are being changed in Kingdom of Loathing and people are VERY VERY CONCERNED.

• "They're moving the cannon right next to Hangks to blow it up!! Hurry and get outta HC/ronnin before all you're meat and or belongings are destroyed!"


• "it wont be moved
  it shall disapear forever"


• "WTF"


• "The scaffolding in the Right Side of the Tracks is a NEW BUILDING!!!! Look closely and you can its doors."


• "The image name of the scaffolding is ohnoes1zomg.gif
  
  What's that supposed to mean?!?!"

Some of them are ANGRY, even.

• "woah this sucks. >_> I bet tomorow we'll get 1/64 of a cannon. >:("


• "i swear. if its not gone tommorow... i mean its 1/32d of a cannon. you can just pick it up, put it in your pocket, and walk away with nobody noticing. just destroy it. it had it coming. its no use anymore. destroy it."

Yet others, wiser, cut to the heart of the matter:

• "I hope it's moving and for a new place to adventure for a limited time so that the items you get become rare"

I'm feeling kind of regretful that I let my two alternate accounts get deleted - I got bored and looked up KoL on eBay last night, and I could've gotten like fifteen bucks for my rare items. It just seems wasteful.

I swear I didn't do this on purpose. I swear. I mean, seriously, my life is worth *nothing* if I deliberately, and with malice aforethought, got my familiar up to 1337 kills, so I could take a screenshot for my Livejournal. I just looked at my profile, and Ulf was 1337. It just *happened*. May stuff strike me down if I lie, here.

Ulf Gunnarson is actually the *only* one of my familiars I named after a fictional character. I'm not sure what happened to stuff like naming each of my Pokemon after a different Anne McCaffrey dragon, and calling Gary "Toric" and all. Maybe I'm just getting old.