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(It just doesn't mean what I'd like it to.)

I ended up doing both [redacted for anonymity reasons] and this one (PDF).

[redacted for anonymity reasons] doesn't really look as Designed By An Evil PR Firm as I'd like, but I didn't start on it until late at night. The grammatically problematical sentence is a direct rip from some signs for a job fair we had Wednesday - I tried to put [redacted for anonymity reasons] next to those signs, when they were still up.

Sarah Anti-Proliferation Week went up in the bathrooms, next to some histrionic yet fabulously uninformative primers on human papillomavirus.

Naturally, I had a bunch of great ideas after I'd printed them out, dug out my tape, and stepped out to introduce them to the world. The big one was Yellow Question Marks. I should have printed out some dwarf and night-elf heads, put yellow construction-paper question marks over them, stuck them to the outsides of buildings, and sent people to mine for styrofoam ore and bring me 157 penguin ventricles, and then maybe I will give you a shield you can't equip, and some SCALDING MORNBREW pfa.

Damnit, it's less than a week to April Fools and I still have no idea what kind of signs I'm going to put up.

-Stuff I've thought about but am not really into-

1) Very serious announcements for Sarah Anti-Proliferation Day, urging that all 1500 Sarahs on campus legally change their names. Will involve bulleted scare statistics about accidents caused by "a phenomenon experts call "Sarah Saturation"" - someone yelling "Sarah!" and 12% of the people within earshot stopping and looking around.

Cons: I've talked about this before, people'll know it was me. And that's boring.

2) Signs apparently conversing amongst themselves about how Lymond is back.

Cons: No one will get it. Also, the people in my lit class might see the name "Lymond" and guess it was me, because I brought up Pawn in Frankincense to extend some kind of point about Antony and Cleopatra that I've totally already forgotten.

3) Signs "looking for a good home" for Zapdos, Moltres, and Articuno ("spayed, housebroken; got too big for the apartment"). Thinly-veiled Team Rocket ploy. Possibly acquire some kind of toy with plastic blue/fuchsia hair and "accidentally" get some caught in the tape.

Cons: People will know it was me. I will, illogically, think this unjust.

4) MephistoPhair Job Fair, with recruiters from Shinra Corp, Ootori Medical Supply, the Knights of the Eastern Calculus, both "Magus's Army" and "Power-Mad Minions of Lavos," the State Alchemists, and many others!

Cons: I'm just not feeling it.

5) The Whimsical Manga Job Fair, with recruiters from Antique Bakery, Cafe Alpha, Kyoto University School of Mushi Studies, Yuuko's Shop, Nico's Enjo Kousai Service, and others! (Possibly combine with 4 and put both at the same time and place.)

Cons: See 4.

6) There are some signs up about plagiarism right now, saying stuff like, "Are you a plagiarist?" with statistics formatted like "four out of ten" on them. Put up signs right next to them saying, "Are you incapable of reducing a fraction?", with course numbers for introductory calc sections.

Cons: If I did this, it would mean I was a -ing tool.

-Rejected ideas-

1) Call for submissions for a "new literary campus erotica publication DeniseXXXy!" With instructions to submit via email in RTF, PDF, or PNG format, to somebody I don't like.

Cons: The individual in question is wealthy and brittle. Lawsuits would swiftly follow.

2) Sticking the 95 Theses on some doors.

Cons: Unoriginal.

3) Mark of Samael. Should probably use sidewalk chalk.

Cons: See 2.

4) Sloppy sorority-girl-school-of-graphic-design signs wishing Anne McCaffrey a happy birthday, with implication in text that Mercedes Lackey made them. Clipart pictures of dragons arranged so it kind of looks like they're humping.

Cons: This is a bad idea.

5) Release the scorpions.

Cons: None whatsoever.

I am your master! (Because your president didn't -ing show up again.)

(Though he actually did show up.)

Three sticky notes:Sarah's SoymilkSteal sparinglySarah's tofuProbably has diseasesIncurable diseases.Black spots. You know. Pus.I would appreciate it if whoever absconded with my thing of soft silken tofu (TM) would do the honorable thing & replace it.honor = new thing of tofulack of honor = you :(

There has been an incident.

I bought some manga, and requested some manga off ILL, and also bought some other manga.

It's important for my senior research. It is.

(The astute viewer, who decides to go into Flickr and zoom in for some reason, will note that I have been puzzling the Quebecois again - I had to order the Pokemon and Princess Knight in French. These are some of the ones I actually seriously needed for research, which makes Sensei unhappy because he's having to take my word on what they say.

Anyway, I didn't realize Misty's French name was "Ondine." That's pretty cool. I am, however, far less enthusiastic about Gary being "Regis.")

Also, apparently the signs were, in fact, the work of a fraternity - it was apparently supposed to stay secret even after the meeting, but someone told Link. I mentioned the subject to him last night, and he admitted he knew, but claimed the only hint he would give me was that the organization started with an "f."

He then immediately caved under the intense pressure of me deciding he was talking about FLAG.

(previous Stupid Signs post)

These signs went up everywhere Wednesday:

(That's a list of the words-of-the-day down at the bottom.)

Also, these slips were put into everyone's mailboxes:

"Monty Python Enthusiasts?" So these dudes are trying to take credit for my brilliant emeffing signage? Screw them. I didn't go.

I don't know anyone who did, actually. Thursday evenings are really busy - even aside from all the papers and tests you get Fridays, and the people who start their weekend drinking early, there are always a lot of assemblies and club meetings scheduled on Tuesdays and Thursdays. If I'd dragged myself out to anything yesterday evening, I'd have gone to hear the speaker the East Asian department had.

You really need to give people a reason to go to your thing, if you're having it at eight PM on Thursday. And you've got to at least reassure us that you're not the white supremacist group - you don't cover bullshit like that with excitable question marks expecting it to fucking intrigue.

(And damnit, I really hope no one actually thought I was a goddamn Wingless Angel. There were all these people who saw me hanging the things up that night...)

The Epilogue: There is now at least one sign up saying, "My hovercraft is full of eels." I'm an inspiration.

I got weird and hyper and then sick Tuesday night. This is what I did with the hyper - there have been some annoying signs going up around campus recently, which look like this:

Honor.

They went up in waves over a few days, with "Honor" the first day, then "Pride," then "Passion."

Leaving work Tuesday night, I started thinking genius thoughts, and went back to my room and made some better signs. I finished them in about an hour, and went back to the library all brimming with enthusiasm to print them out and apprise Jenan (working the desk) of my plans. She was not entirely enthusiastic, and concerned by my energy at the (to her) late hour of 1:15 AM. Bah, I said. I went out cheerfully in the damp and taped signs up. Sometime later, logical deduction tells me, I must have gone to bed, though my memory of this time is imperfect.

Anyway. My signs:

Punctuation."

(The last couple of sets I was careful to put up in and around the Computer Science building, as I felt I could not rely on their being understood elsewhere.)

They never use my brilliant fucking ideas.

So, I am Important Technical Person for a campus publication.

And the dining halls keep putting these absurd standees on the tables, and everyone mocks them and draws graffiti on them and so on.

( So, I made this... )

I made several. It was hard. I think I hurt my mouse hand a little.

They were deemed *inappropriate to our image*.

*gets up and leaves room without warning; unnerving sounds are heard; returns*

So you can have it, internet.

So it's National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. (which *coincidentally* smacks right into Lent, but I actually don't even want to touch that)

Are we all *aware* of the *eating disorders*? Are we all *eating food*?

Then my job here is done! Okey-dokey! Insensitive Girl... awayyy! Vrrra-vrooom.

(Insensitive Girl drives a diesel-emo kid hybrid Hummer.)

Anyway, some deeply thoughtful types put the worst fliers ever out in the dining hall to bring attention to this important week. I promptly scribbled bullshit all over a couple of them.

I feel bad for the people who have to write these things - the temptation to commit deliberate sabotage must be overpowering. I wondered for a couple seconds if that's what happened here, but they seem just a little too earnest and personal to be brain abuse:

"I will spend less time in front of mirrors - all they do is make me feel uncomfortable and self-conscious as I focus on each part of my body."

We all hate the way we look, and we always will, forever and ever. *Obviously.* Therefore, this person suggests that we bolster our self-esteem by doing weird stuff to our mirrors and frantically reminding ourselves that looks don't matter. Writing lists is good. Like, we could write lists of all the really hard books we've read or something.

I don't exactly feel that this is a safe or effective strategy to recommend to serious depressed young women. A person who invests that much in her body image is just not going to be capable of writing off her physical appearance as unimportant. Telling an anorexic that how she looks doesn't matter is like snapping at someone with PTSD because that sudden loud noise in the dark was *just the cat*. The thing is way too loaded to brush off that way.

And anyway the logical endpoint of completely disassociating your self-esteem from your body is packing off to a Zen monastery, and the Women's Resource Center is just *clearly* not prepared to properly counsel people on that at this point in time.

Myself, I am confident in how the ancient Greeks would totally have been all over me to pose for sculptures of Hestia. Because no one ever suspects *Hestia*.

I was forced to leave this note in the kitchen this morning:

( Illustrative photo is behind the cut. )

"To the individual who, sometime Thursday morning, took my soup out of the fridge, spilled some on the floor, put it back without covering it properly, and left without cleaning up his spill, thus causing me to stumble barefoot into yellow liquid at 9:00 AM while nauseous:

When I find out who you are, you will suffer torments new to experience of man.

For a lesser food-crime than this, in Kentucky a man lies in a shallow grave, the fondou he did offend against smeared across his sightless eyes, his mouth still agape in an expression of faint shock. This fate and worse await you. Settle your affairs and compose your mind and spirit.

Have a nice day,
SRP"

I think my handwriting sort of lends an air of legitimacy to death threats.

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snarp's blog

Entries tagged with i leave notes

Mes Poissons d'Avril = COMPLETELY GRAMATICALLY CORRECT PHRASE

Recruiting On Campus This Wednesday - Villains!

So I ran the meeting again.

Honor And Tofu

The haul, and another Stupid Signs update

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Stupid signs project

True genius is never understood in its own time.

Listen To Your Body (it wants blood)

I am going to kill you so hard.