I don't really get into internet arguments over the morality of murder, rape, domestic abuse, and so on. Not even when it happens in the relatively "safe" context of fictional narratives involving cake battles and clown hammers! And should you choose to "step to" me with regard to these topics, I am unlikely to respond.

Because, here's the thing. If I don't know you, you don't have a "right" to my time (or indeed to anyone's, of course) if you're defending things like that to me (or indeed ever, of course) and you clearly don't know what you're talking about.

(Or indeed, even if you do. But you probably don't, or you wouldn't be trying to debate the definition of "sexual assault" with a literally brain-damaged person ostensibly named "Snarp.")

This doesn't constitute cowardice on my part. The reason that I am not going to discuss this subject matter with you is twofold: First, you're probably an asshole.

Second,  I worked for two years at a law firm whose caseload was about half criminal defense work. This means that persons accused of having committed crimes paid us money to get them out of trouble. Some were innocent, but more were guilty. Real-life legal practice is not much like Phoenix Wright.

Now, I personally worked mainly on civil cases, but it was, on occasion, part of my actual job to think and write about violent crime, rape, and sexual assault! To communicate with dangerous people, sometimes in person! Though the best part was when I had to read through sexual predators' online communications, because I was the only one in the office who understood how email headers and IP addresses worked. This was sufficiently scarring to my libido that I think that I am now physically attracted only to "brainships."

What I'm trying to convey is that this job was emotionally tiring at best, and at worst legitimately frightening. At times people showed up in the office angry/intoxicated and apparently desirous of a physical altercation. Once a guy who'd come to beat up the secretary asked to borrow my scissors.

So, because debating the causes and consequences of human evil used to be an activity in which I had no choice but to engage, it's not something I always choose to do in my leisure time. And I am the one who gets to decide how I spend that time! Not you. So, instead of trying to engage me in a tussle about whether your favorite character is "legitimately" a rapist (or whatever it is you're going on about), I ask that you respect my boundaries, step away from the keyboard, and accept that you are just totally wrong.

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Nannasprite/Psiioniic. Some kind of AU where he made it to Earth with the Condesce, I guess? Yes, this is perfect. They can bond over their shared experiences re: mind control by fish ladies, and she can bake him stuff while he makes aggressive Mituna-esque innuendo at her.

She can patiently debunk all the anatomically impossible suggestions, possibly with frosting diagrams, and play pranks on him while he’s trying to learn to walk and stuff again. He will blow things up when particularly upset about by her behavior, and she will float off going “Hoo hoo hoo! Better luck next time, dear!” and let Jade clean it up.

And Dirk can be in the room for some of this trying to adjust some kind of prostheses they put together for him, and just be extremely unhappy that this is going on in front of him, because that is Dirk’s job. To be extremely unhappy about things he can’t change.

(Tumblr Crosspost)

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The contents of this blog and all comments I make are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike License. I hope that name is long enough. I could add some stuff. It could also be a Bring Me A Sandwich License.

If you desire to thank me for the pretend internet magnanimity I show by sharing my important and serious thoughts with you, I accept pretend internet dollars (Bitcoins): 19BqFnAHNpSq8N2A1pafEGSqLv4B6ScstB