Generally nonfunctional.

Dec. 14th, 2012 01:36 pm
My brain is broken. I've been working at home today, and am about to go in to the office and print and fax the thing I've been working on, but I'm having a slight anxiety attack about driving. The dog is going with me, so I need to calm down before I get in the car. Don't want to scare the dog.

Stuff I've read or reread recently:

Elvenbane Elf Opposite Day, by Andre Norton and Mercedes Lackey - I was not actually able to finish this. I got to the part where the girl is crushing on her brother, and he knows they're siblings but she doesn't, and rather than just telling her, he pressures her into getting engaged to his boyfriend. This is how you solve problems on Elf Opposite Day.

His Majesty's Dragon, by Naomi Novik - Reread. I always skim the battle scenes in this, as I'm unable to clearly picture what's going on. Maybe it would all make more sense if I read Patrick O'Brian?

The Golden Compass, The Subtle Knife, and The Amber Spyglass, by Philip Pullman - Reread. Every time I get to the end I wish Pullman'd just like, waste some time writing a few unnecessary self-indulgent books about Lyra causing/solving smaller post-adventure problems.

Homestuck, by Andrew Hussie, over and over - My brain has been recolonized by carapacians following a catastrophe that extinguished all life. Perhaps someday their society will reach a level advanced enough that I can think about, like, anything else.
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Andre Norton and Mercedes Lackey ALLEGEDLY wrote a book together.

Dec. 6th, 2012 11:38 pm
Yes. It's about evil elves who breed evil unicorns and then release them into the wild where they destroy the ecological balance oh noes. They have also enslaved all the humans for purposes of general elvish debauchery.

I'm pretty sure that this is the process by which this book was written:

Andre Norton: You know what, I think no one's done an Elf Opposite Day book yet! I'd might as well get going on that - I mean, I'll basically take any premise and just run with it, right? That's my whole thing.

Tor Books: We will buy this book.

Norton: Yeah, I know.

*time passes*

Norton: I don't know... I mean, I named this character Serina Daeth, and I just - I'm not feeling this anymore, I don't know how that's even pronounced. Maybe it's just that I'm fricking eighty. Mercedes Lackey, you're not doing anything important right now, right? Put on an Elf Opposite Day for me.

MERCEDES LACKEY: OH I AM SO VERY GOING TO GET SOME PEACEFUL ECOLOGICALLY-CONSCIOUS DRAGONS UP IN.

Norton: What - dude, no, you are totally fucking up Elf Opposite Day. You're just making the dragons be the elves, you are barely maintaining fidelity to our awesome cheapass trope reversal.

LACKEY: NO NO SEE SOME OF THEM ARE MEAN THOUGH. SO THEY CAN BULLY THE HEROINE. SHE IS A HALF-ELF-HALF-HUMAN WIZARD RAISED BY A DRAGON, THE DRAGON'S A SHAMAN.

Norton: Even your name is in all caps.

LACKEY: OH OH AND I'M TOTALLY GOING TO THROW SOME UNCOMFORTABLE IMPLICIT DRAGON/BIPED SEXUAL STUFF IN THERE, I MEAN THAT REALLY WORKED WELL FOR ME IN THE BLACK GRYPHON (MAGE WARS BOOK 1, WITH LARRY DIXON, 1995). OH WAIT THAT WORK ACTUALLY POSTDATES THIS ONE HUH.

Norton: I am going to go be eighty someplace else.

LACKEY: OKAY THAT'S FINE BYE! A BABY DRAGON IS LEARNING TO SEW NOW :) :) :)

Tor Books: We are giving this book a particularly goofy Boris Vallejo cover as a sort of oblique warning as to its content. There will be no visible elves.

Norton: Worst. Elf Opposite Day. Ever.
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