I Am Completely Serious

I'm now improbably tired and concerned that I may have no energy left to do anything else the rest of the day.

I don't remember much of what I've done the past couple days, which implies that I have not done much. Lots of intensive sitting around and looking at the computer screen. But I remember my dreams. There were plagues, wolf gods, animal heads made of mud for a festival and then surrounded with dried cornstalks and burned, a huge empty underground tomb which reanimated its dead, and honeysuckle-scented rain falling on a rusted metal scaffold above a dying forest at the edge of a dried-out marsh.

I'm not ruling out the possibility that I'm being stalked by a demonic piccolo player and bassist, but it seems unlikely. Because why would those two even be hanging out together? And I thought demons preferred violins. Violins for demons, pianos for ghosts. These are the rules which anime has taught me about Western Christian folklore, and I expect my personal demons to stick to them.

Also I'm up at four AM because I can't sleep.

thegeekgene and I are basically twins now. I mean, except for the fact that she's much more attractive than me, and also taller?

But neither of us ever shuts up about Homestuck, we have matching medical problems, and today we unintentionally got matching haircuts.

I talked to my psychiatrist about the kratom today, and she grimaced at me and suggested that I try taking Wellbutrin along with the Lexapro instead. I said okay.

"You're so agreeable!"

"Well, I mean, I'm willing to try it. As I've demonstrated, I'm willing to try stuff I ordered off the internet in baggies! I just don't promise I'll stay on it."

I promised her that I'd stop using the kratom for the duration, because you shouldn't be altering more than one variable at once when you experiment on your brain. This phrasing produced a resigned sigh.

So, yeah, suspending the kratom experiment for at least a few weeks in order to give the Wellbutrin a fair shot. My preliminary results are: When used in conjunction with Lexapro, kratom's pretty decent as an anti-depressant, as long as you keep some caveats in mind, those being: you'll build up a tolerance over time; it doesn't last all day; taking too large a dose will make you sleepy rather than energizing you; different varieties and different vein colors give very different results, so you can't just substitute one for another without testing.

For the last day of the experiment, and because thegeekgene and I drove a lot today and I'm exhausted, I decided to take a teaspoon of Maeng Da again. It's one of the most popular kinds of kratom, but last time I took it too soon after something else, so it just kind of knocked me out. By itself, it basically just makes me really want to look at cheerful fanart of Jade Harley playing with animals. Is that the effect you're supposed to get? No wonder this stuff's so popular.

Remember how in Lawstuck I had Jade, Feferi, Nepeta, and Roxy living together in a decrepit old farmhouse full of animals they kept bringing home? Can't someone just draw me some art of that scenario? That's what Maeng Da does to me, it makes me want that specific thing.