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Feb. 12th, 2015 03:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
snarpOne of my paranoias along the lines of “maybe my brain problems are due to personal behaviors I could easily change” is that my kratom use is causing my depression. I occasionally have a downswing that coincides with a period in which I’m not using it, and go like “I must be in withdrawal! I am physically dependent upon this substance and have ruined everything.”
It’s one of the less-rational of my irrational anxieties, I think, as I was over a year into my worst Doom Period before I started experimenting with it. The only pattern I’ve been able to discern in my downswings is that I always have a big one in late December/January, probably due to lack of sunlight and general holiday stress. If this were actually a problem, it would be a pretty easy one to identify, given that I have been tracking my use of the stuff on my food-and-medications spreadsheet from day one.
Also, over the period of nearly two years since I started hecking around with it, I’ve used maybe a pound of the stuff. People apparently buy multiple kilograms at a time. So, I kind of categorize this worry along with the “maybe WHEAT is the problem” and “maybe COAL DUST IN THE AIR is the problem” ones.
Still, I have to list “getting my mood and energy levels stable enough that I can throw it all away” on my brain health goals list because Kentucky’s probably going to ban it one day, because we like our prison industrial complex so very much, and Dad keeps pissing off cops.
#my white girl immunity will not save me #my father has flipped off all the sheriffs #and sued half of them
It’s one of the less-rational of my irrational anxieties, I think, as I was over a year into my worst Doom Period before I started experimenting with it. The only pattern I’ve been able to discern in my downswings is that I always have a big one in late December/January, probably due to lack of sunlight and general holiday stress. If this were actually a problem, it would be a pretty easy one to identify, given that I have been tracking my use of the stuff on my food-and-medications spreadsheet from day one.
Also, over the period of nearly two years since I started hecking around with it, I’ve used maybe a pound of the stuff. People apparently buy multiple kilograms at a time. So, I kind of categorize this worry along with the “maybe WHEAT is the problem” and “maybe COAL DUST IN THE AIR is the problem” ones.
Still, I have to list “getting my mood and energy levels stable enough that I can throw it all away” on my brain health goals list because Kentucky’s probably going to ban it one day, because we like our prison industrial complex so very much, and Dad keeps pissing off cops.
#my white girl immunity will not save me #my father has flipped off all the sheriffs #and sued half of them
