Somebody's trying to kill me, and I think it's the Trader Joe's at St. Matthews.

[snarp]

Am I right in thinking that this is the basic gothic novel plot, as per Joanna Russ? Man. I've never been in a gothic novel before, I don't know how to do this! Do I lock a guy in the attic now and burn down the house after, or do I wait until there's been a hurt/comfort scene with the horse?

Also, I'm in Kentucky, and there's no vicars here. Would the county judge executive be an okay substitute, and if so should it be the incumbent or the new lady?

Edit: Wait, is the sexy doctor secretly my half-sibling, or a vampire???

Comments

[nicki]

Since you are in Kentucky, clearly you need the hurt/comfort scene with the horse first, then the attic, then the house burning, because you won't want to deprive the horse of their comfort. The sexy doc is your half-sib and since you cannot rock stereotype in a good gothic and, again, Kentucky, you should have Unspoken Sexual Tension, but you find out before things go too far, because otherwise it would be icky and gothics are sometimes read by well bred young ladies. The part of the vicar is played by a good natured and well meaning religious leader who is best friends with the judge (who falls down some stairs in the third act and is in a coma for the rest of the novel). There is a pie, with only a single piece missing, and a trenchcoat with a wallet in it has washed up on the lake shore, but the driver's liscence in the wallet is for your ne'er do well uncle who disappeared 20 years ago.