Today I hassled a shady kratom vendor on Reddit.

[snarp]

Preserved here for posterity.

HighQualityKratom.com review, by ljc79

I have been using kratom for a few years now for everything from anxiety, energy, and as a sleep aid. Throughout the years I have tried everyone from bouncing bear botanicals, Iamshaman, Kratom Therapy and a few of the other large distributors. Recently I tried a new company that I found on Facebook, HighQualityKratom.com. I usually buy premium bali and white vein which I mix because I like the energetic feeling of the white vein, and the mild euphoric feel of the bali. When I went to HighQualityKratom.com I was initially hesitant because they currently only carry Maeng Da and White Vein. I contacted them through Facebook to see if they had any other strains and a gentleman by the name of Russ quickly wrote back explaining that they were a new company and they would be expanding their line shortly. He explained that they had tested a few other strains from a few suppliers but weren't quite satisfied with what they had. He said once they found a suitable quality product they would add them to their inventory. Even though I was hoping they had a few more different strains I respected the fact that they would only be selling products they believed were of a high enough quality and decided to order 2 oz of each strain they had. When I placed my order and paid through paypal I realized that shipping hadn't been added on to the cost and again contacted them through Facebook. They informed me that they have free priority shipping which is awesome because I noticed that through the other sites they seem to gouge you for shipping. My order was received in 2 days which is great, especially for not paying any shipping, and for the fact that I am in Florida and they are somewhere in Oregon. I did my usual routine of mixing the 2 strains, then tossing and washing my usual 7 grams and was quite pleased with the result of a solid 3.5 hour energetic rush. The only other site that I have had these results with were Iamshaman, but their product seems rather inconsistent, which is why I was looking for another supplier. I have tried kratomtherapy on a few occassions and while their product seems to be really consistent I find that I need about 14-16 grams to get a sufficient energy boost. KratomTherapy's prices a marginally cheaper, but if it takes twice the product to get the desired result than what's the benefit? In any case I will be ordering from HighQualityKratom again to see if they are consistent and will leave another review when I do so. I hope it is because I am tired of shuffling around from distributor to distributor in the hopes of finding some consistency.

Me: Please put a little more effort into your sockpuppetry. You'll make all the other sockpuppets on this subreddit self-conscious.

highqualitykratom: Ljc79 thank you for the kind words. My plan is to continue to add new products to the list. I do want to make sure they are the best quality I can find though. I really appreciate your post! It means alot! Thanks! Russ

highqualitykratom: Im not sure what you mean by sockpuppetry. I try to go out of my way to take care of my customers. If they appreciate it I don't see why that makes them puppets?

Me: Dang, man, you found this response awfully fast. I mean, it's not like a Google alert for the phrase "High Quality Kratom" would be of much use; it's almost like you made the original post yourself under a pseudonym.

If you're going to make a fake account and use it to praise yourself, you need to make a few posts about other stuff first. When an account's very first post is a testimonial for a business that no one's ever heard of, it's just a little too obvious what's going on.

My consulting fee is a $45/hour USD, by the way.

highqualitykratom: Actually I did not make this post. It was done by a customer of mine who sent me a link to his review on reddit. I had never even heard of reddit before he showed me. I want you to think about this. You assume I wrote the post which I did not, and i'm sure a moderator can show it was not from me. I work really hard to take care of my customers and it felt really good that he went out of his way to write this. I was actually excited to post this on my site because good reviews really help. It felt terrible to see some one take a good review and make me look like a fraud. Next time dont assume so much because though your intentions were prob good. You hurt the innocent in this case. I will ask the moderators if there is a way to prove I did not write the post.

me: You know what would help your case here? If your comments didn't have the same pattern of grammatical errors as the OP's.

That aside, your story appears to be that someone heard of you via word-of-mouth on Facebook, contacted you and had a conversation with you, placed an order, received it, tested the product, and wrote this lengthy narrative about the experience. It seems reasonable to me that that process should have taken a week or more.

According to the WHOIS data for highqualitykratom.com, that domain was registered on the 17th of last month. Archive.org, however, did not register your website as having existed at that address until yesterday. That being the day that this "review" was posted.

How long are you claiming to have been around, exactly? I'm really interested now. I maintain a public directory of online kratom vendors, you understand, and I'd never heard of you before yesterday. But don't worry, I've already updated it to include you! I wouldn't want you to miss out on the exposure for which you are so impatient.

At around the same time, highqualitykratom sent me this private message:

I do understand why your calling out the post. I did not write the review. If there is a way I can prove it I will. It was really hard for me to see your negative posts. I did nothing wrong, yet your punishing me and my buisness.

I responded:

Buddy, at this point, what you need to prove is that your business ACTUALLY EXISTS, and has done so for more than twenty-four hours. That shouldn't be hard for a serious businessperson such as yourself.

Back in the thread:

ljc79: Christ! Leave one positive review and automatically people are jumping through the roof assuming it was the owner of the website being reviewed. I can assure you I have nothing to do with highqualitykratom other than being a customer. Not a friend, family member, never even spoken to them on the phone. I am however a business owner (bars and restaurants) in North East Florida and I understand the obstacles presented to new businesses and understand how tough it is to spread the word about your business. After dealing with Russ and his business, and speaking to him via facebook about my order I decided to help him spread the word and leave a positive review.

Me: Ostensible Customer, nice to see you back. When and how did you hear of this business with the website that probably did not exist before yesterday, and definitely has not been around for more than two weeks? Is the small business which you own a psychic hotline, perchance?

ljc79 started a new thread for their response, so that I wouldn't get a notification for it:

ljc79: in this day in age people are all too quick to get online and post negative reviews and bad mouth people. all too often good experiences with companies are not shared or reviewed. like I said I have used kratom for quite a few years now and have left testimonials on numerous websites. the way that some of you are responding makes it almost seemed like you work for one of the other distributors. If you do work for any of the other distributors leave your email and I will email you my name and you can check your records and find that I have ordered and quite possibly left a testimonial on your page also.

Me: What's the screen name under which you've posted these other reviews, and where have you done it? Why create a Reddit account just now, for this specific company? How did you hear of this company that appears to have popped into existence mere moments before you posted your review? What is your psychic hotline's per-minute rate, and should I be taking any long journeys over water in the near future?

Me: Oh, and which version of you can I expect to pay my consulting fee? As an SEO professional, it hurts me how frequently people badmouth my profession. It takes a lot of hard work to con social media users out of their cash. You can't just rambo in there and start posting shit under a fake account, you've got to plan for the long-term. Y'know, for at least a forty-eight hour timeframe. And two fake accounts.

highqualitykratom: Priority mail does not take a week or more. I have not been selling online for much time (Why I appreciated the review) If instead of making false acusations and assumptions ( Which you do very well) You would have went to my site and saw that there is free priority shipping. Listen im sorry a real customer made a review about my product. I know it hurts your business of charging people to make fake reviews. Best of luck with your business ventures. People love hiring an arrogent person who jumps to conclustions... I said it once and I will say it again. This is not a fake review. Frankly your just upset someone is doing it the honest way. I hope when people read this they see the type of person you are. Do you really think if I was to make a fake review I would not simply make a few reviews prior? You are the worst kind of person. The type who judges quickly with no regard to whom it hurts or offends.

I'm... not actually an SEO professional? I dunno, maybe the web standards people should take a second look at that proposed <sarcasm></sarcasm> tag.

Me: I also clip my nails on public transit, and this one time? I spoke very sharply to a kitten. So, yeah, you've pretty much got me pegged.

I can't help but notice that you still haven't answered any of my questions, though. When did you go into business? Yesterday? The day before? Come on, give us a date. Is this the new time-travel priority mail option I've heard about?

At this point, I noticed that the ljc79 account had been deleted. I wonder why.

Comments

[vass]

You are the worst kind of person, the kind that can count.

...more about you than them

[biggyd]

It's been a year and a half since this but I couldn't help myself. You are so damn proud of yourself for calling this person out. and you were probably right about the positive review being written by them or at least they had someone do it. But it seems like this is your greatest accomplishment in life to date with just how proud of yourself you are. You think you did good calling someone out who is trying to start a business but all you did was show how big of a douche you are. You could have easily just called out what you found and believe but instead you mocked, belittled, accused with no proof, and was just a dickhead that would probably get the shit kicked out of them in a real life meeting. So congratulations on your life accomplishment. Next time, maybe not be a piece of shit about it.