Jake/Caliborn = Best/Worst Ship

No, seriously, I love their conversation more every time I read it. It's one of my favorites. Every single thing they say is hilariously awful, and Jake is apparently incapable of aggression, while Caliborn is incapable of non-aggression, and they're just the stupidest two characters in the story by a huge margin, yet they nonetheless have way too much influence over everyone else's lives, and they're cheerfully IMing each other planning out the brutal fight to the death they're going to have one day, getting along very nicely! They were made for each other.

And this awful, stupid conversation between two idiots is the germ of all the conflicts to follow! Homestuck's eternal battle of good versus evil, with the zillions of casualties attendant upon it, came about because two dumb teenage boys on IM wanted to be the Dark Lord and the Hero and have a final battle. It's beautiful.

GT: I dont understand.
uu: NEITHER DO I.
GT: Ok then.
GT: Im glad we settled that.

GT: Tell you about hope?
GT: Um well its something i think everyone should have in their hearts.
uu: I KNEW IT. YOU JUST SAID.
uu: THE LAMEST POSSIBLE THING.
GT: But i wasnt finished!
uu: FUCK.

uu: YOU ARE JUST. SPECTACULARLY UNINTELLIGENT.
GT: Hey!
uu: SETTLE DOWN. I WAS TRYING TO PAY YOU A COMPLIMENT.
GT: Oh. Whoops.
GT: Go on then.

GT: Sounds pretty gay.
uu: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
GT: You know. Its a rather old fashioned term for being jolly and festive together.
GT: Like "that rollicking time we had scrumming the other eve sure was gay."
uu: I SEE.
uu: THEN YES. YOU ARE CORRECT.
uu: THIS IS GOING TO BE GAY AS HELL.

I guess the ship name should be "gay as hell," right? It's doubly good because that's clearly a Tumblr tag that has no better use than pictures of Homestuck characters being stupid at each other. Whatever's there now needs to be crowded out.

I will never not be creeped out by Eridan/Feferi.

On the basis that, you know. He murdered her for breaking up with him.

The only manifestation of this ship that I deem acceptable is Feferi laying her eggs in his split abdomen, that her offspring may eat of his dead flesh, and grow strong.

(Tumblr crosspost tags: #erifef #is terrible #kanaya standing by and monitoring the process #all like I Hope I Bisected Him In A Convenient Location For This #karkat and sollux are nearby taking turns vomiting #rose just #takes notes)

Japanese products manufactured for the American market.

Uniqlo jeans sold for $30 in Japan four years ago: They are just starting to get a hole in them.

Uniqlo jeans sold for $80 in New York a year ago (though I got them cheaper): They are also just starting to get a hole in them, because they're made of noticeably coarser denim.

(They're also fading out in places, but that's a less cynical design decision, given that Americans like our jeans to have shitty dye. Fading in weird places on jeans feeds our rapacious hunger for mass-produced authenticity, as a result of some stew of cultural symbolism left on the burner so long that its original ingredients are now unidentifiable.

Though bleaching in weird places on t-shirts doesn't work, because it indicates a person who has actually cleaned a thing. No one wants to look like a person who has actually cleaned a thing.)

And these daifuku I got in Lexington taste like marshmallows. Way too sweet.