I’m Not Going To Be Able To Help You With That

[snarp]

Originally published at SarahPin.com. You can comment here or there.

According to my referrer logs, over the past several months, this journal has failed comprehensively to help people with the following:

The Big Questions:

• can you show me some oof the food that pandas eat?
• ask jeeves who to talk to if i think someone has faked their own death?
• accidentally shoplifted should i go back to the store
• who is that lady walking in the crestor commercial
• what does it mean to play god?
• what happened in kare kano by masami tsuda

Bleeding:

• pineapple rectal bleeding
• when is rectal bleeding serious
• hives rectal bleeding
• hives and rectal bleeding
• rectal bleeding cat
• cat has rectal bleeding

Other Urgent Problems:

• worm accidentally in brownies
• true genius is never understood
• big moths
• does soymilk retard hair growth?
• phobia of being dead and barefoot
• hacker organization
• i am completely lost
• i am completely nocturnal
• i am a werewolf wtf

The Pursuit Of Specialized Concerns:

• mail jeevas origin (Man, I wouldn’t even know where to begin. Oh, and there have been multiple hits for this, over an extended period of time. I DON’T KNOW, OKAY?)
• making snork costume
• picture of sawed off unicorn
• manga hitler vampire
• miller kishiro plagiarism (HOW DARE YOU EVEN SUGGEST SUCH A THING OF MY BELOVED it was an homage)
• pastry slipcover
• i am a banana gundam
• funny scaffolding quotes

The Pursuit Of Those Other Specialized Concerns:

• fruits basket manga scan when yuki gets locked in the closet
• manga scan when yuki gets locked in the closet
• what chapter in fruits manga does yuki get locked the closet
• quatre injured fanfictions
• schoolboys compleatly pubic shaved stories
• free snarp pictures for males
• pubic hair wig

However, I may conceivably I have helped people with the following!:

• baking soda japan / baking soda in japan / buying baking soda in japan / japanese baking soda / baking soda tansan
• they call themselves anonymous text
• reiko okano mckillip
• kamen tantei manga review
• second life adventures
• japanese mice cartoon hashimoto
• blue submarine how did zorndyke die (That’s seriously not a spoiler. And Blue Submarine No. 6 is terrible anyway.)
• awesome and hilarious pictures no i am serious

(This always gives me such a warm and fuzzy feeling. The best ever was the time someone searched for “tooooooby anime” and found the thing on my old website about Unico and the Island of Magic. That person and I had somehow managed to hit exactly the same number of o’s. It was on this day that I finally understood - the true purpose of the internet is reuniting the lost with the works of Osamu Tezuka.

(If an English-speaker can only remember one line from Unico and the Island of Magic, that line will always be “Toooooby!”))

Comments

[snarp]

Hooray! telophase and I have inadvertently fought the forces of evil!