I Am Completely Serious

Yeah, Andrew Hussie is pretty much under my personal control now. I am in charge of Homestuck. All of your ships will be sunk, all shall love me and despair, and etc.

fuuuuuuck

Yep. That is a thing that had to happen.

I guess now we’ll learn whether god tier is still doing its job, in terms of immortality. The karma clock hasn’t actually been used for revival purposes since Slick attacked it, and it looks a little different now...

You have to be inside a fort to focus your imagination, John, god. Don't you even read your own webcomic.

Two characters have now noted that John and Jake resemble each other; we must hope that that raging-id!Jane does not react inappropriately to that. The comic's Back to the Future references have always seemed kinda ominous in that regard.

Also, SBAHJ #2. That's worrying.

Hopefully Hussie will just leave it at Dave thinking that his mom is hot? This is one fetish to which I do not wish the man to cater, even jokingly.

Roooose Tereziiiii aaaagh. My spades-shipping dreams are all coming truuuuue.

Also, I think John just wrote Gamzee out of that scene - thus paralleling Gamzee writing himself out of Rose's book - and himself in. Will this be the "glitch" by which LE is defeated? John accidentally writing Gamzee out of the story and replacing him with himself?

Tumblr user wecansexy will be very upset.

There exists a GAME as old as time that has been played more times than can be counted. On a night with a FULL MOON, having come as if by accident to the same place, the PLAYERS will assemble to battle for control of a GATE, beyond which lies a realm of inpeneterable darkness! The OPENERS will strive to open the gate, freeing the FORCES OF DARKNESS beyond to take hold of our own universe, while the CLOSERS will just as persistently work to keep it closed until next time.

This is a battle which the Closers are, inevitably, doomed one day to LOSE!

Despite the certainty of failure, legend holds that there is one Player who NEVER STOPS PLAYING THE GAME. He is so tightly bound into it, in fact, that it might be more accurate to call him an NPC! A man with a KNIFE, along with his faithful DOG, has always found the site at which the game will be played, and has always won. It is said that he was cursed to this fate eons ago, as punishment for crimes unknown - though his propensity for STABBING PEOPLE is suggestive! Hoo hoo hoo!

As a fairytale hero’s must be, this man’s name is JACK.



And all this is, of course, nothing more than a fairytale now!

It goes without saying that, on the night that the Openers finally lost, the dark forces beyond had a suitable VENGEANCE prepared for this man! In this new-made universe over whose dreams they now hold sway, they remade Jack into their own servant, and the GAME changed. He will live forever in a realm of inpenetrable darkness, serving their goals and constantly striving to destroy the forces of light, forgetful of his own long enmity!

And if he should ever lose this game - who knows if it is even possible? - it is safe to say that his DOG will be the one to destroy him!

Why haven't we seen Aradia and Damara's? This is unfair.

Or, no, maybe Aradia and Damara's webcomics are actually good. Like, Aradia's is Buttercup Festival, which is about Death frolicking gaily. It's cheerful, morbid, and makes little sense, like Aradia! Damara's is Sexy Losers/The Thin H Line, which is filthy and involves lots of necrophilia.

Am I right in thinking none of the post-scratch trolls ever use the word "love" in their dialog, even in terms of remarks along the lines of "I LOV3 L1CK1NG TH1NGS 1 PROB4BLY SHOULDN'T B3 L1CK1NG?" And that none of the humans or pre-scratch trolls have used it while talking to them?

I thought none of them ever used it at all, but when I applied Google to the question, I found Equius's introduction telling us that he loves being strong. Well, how could I ever have doubted that?

Aside from, I guess, downloading the entire archive over the course of a whole day, is there any more thorough way to find every instance of the word in all of Homestuck?

Thoroughly investigating questions such as this is an appropriate use of my time.

No, seriously, I love their conversation more every time I read it. It's one of my favorites. Every single thing they say is hilariously awful, and Jake is apparently incapable of aggression, while Caliborn is incapable of non-aggression, and they're just the stupidest two characters in the story by a huge margin, yet they nonetheless have way too much influence over everyone else's lives, and they're cheerfully IMing each other planning out the brutal fight to the death they're going to have one day, getting along very nicely! They were made for each other.

And this awful, stupid conversation between two idiots is the germ of all the conflicts to follow! Homestuck's eternal battle of good versus evil, with the zillions of casualties attendant upon it, came about because two dumb teenage boys on IM wanted to be the Dark Lord and the Hero and have a final battle. It's beautiful.

GT: I dont understand.
uu: NEITHER DO I.
GT: Ok then.
GT: Im glad we settled that.

GT: Tell you about hope?
GT: Um well its something i think everyone should have in their hearts.
uu: I KNEW IT. YOU JUST SAID.
uu: THE LAMEST POSSIBLE THING.
GT: But i wasnt finished!
uu: FUCK.

uu: YOU ARE JUST. SPECTACULARLY UNINTELLIGENT.
GT: Hey!
uu: SETTLE DOWN. I WAS TRYING TO PAY YOU A COMPLIMENT.
GT: Oh. Whoops.
GT: Go on then.

GT: Sounds pretty gay.
uu: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
GT: You know. Its a rather old fashioned term for being jolly and festive together.
GT: Like "that rollicking time we had scrumming the other eve sure was gay."
uu: I SEE.
uu: THEN YES. YOU ARE CORRECT.
uu: THIS IS GOING TO BE GAY AS HELL.

I guess the ship name should be "gay as hell," right? It's doubly good because that's clearly a Tumblr tag that has no better use than pictures of Homestuck characters being stupid at each other. Whatever's there now needs to be crowded out.

You encounter a fanfic character named "Bitchard Buttson," and your only objection to this is that the name has too many letters.