Karkat Vantas: Nicest Guy In The Universe
Feb. 5th, 2013 04:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
snarpKarkat has at some point tried to be nice to every player-character save one, plus Jack, a feat unrivaled even by the seemingly unstoppable John-Jade tag team. TOO BAD HE KIND OF SUCKS AT IT. Transcripts below:
Aradia:
AA: actually i guess i c0uld kill y0u right n0w and st0p it all fr0m happening thus d00ming us all in an 0ffsh00t timeline
AA: i might c0nsider it if we all werent d00med anyway
AA: and if y0u werent my friend
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT WAS GREAT? WHEN YOU USED TO NOT BE A ROBOT.
CG: CAUSE THIS ROBOT THING? THIS IS BULLSHIT.
CG: IF WE WEREN'T ALL ABOUT TO DIE, I'D DEDICATE OUR WHOLE TEAM TO FINDING A WAY TO BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE.
CG: BUT WE ARE SO GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO RIDE OUT THE NEXT FEW HOURS WITH A SPOOKY TIN CAN PSYCHOPATH, SOUNDS LIKE A BLAST.
AA: 0_0
Tavros:
AT: lIKE,
AT: a ROMANCE THING, yOU MIGHT KNOW ABOUT,
CG: YOU PEOPLE ARE IMBECILES.
CG: ALL OF YOU.
CG: I AM NOT POSTING THESE MEMOS TO COUNSEL YOU ON YOUR PAST AND FUTURE DATING PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CG: WHY ARE YOU ALL SUCH BASKET CASES. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE.
AT: sORRY,
CG: SHOULD I BAN YOU? WHAT'S EVEN THE POINT ANYMORE! ONE OF YOU STOOGES WILL BE RIGHT ON THE LAST ONES HEELS WITH ANOTHER SOB STORY.
CG: JUST
CG: HURRY UP AND TELL ME WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS BRO.
AT: oKAY,
Sollux:
CG: HAS A FEMALE EVER LOOKED AT YOU WITHOUT AT ONCE TURNING SKYWARD AND ERUPTING LIKE A VOMIT VOLCANO, ANSWER ME THAT.
TA: thii2 ii2 2o iimmature, iim ba2iically ju2t laughiing here at how iimmature you are. [...]
CG: I GUESS THESE CONVERSATIONS WE HAVE DO GET KIND OF EMBARRASSING IN RETROSPECT.
CG: ARE WE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE BECAUSE OF STUFF I SAID.
TA: eheheheh you LIITERALLY a2k me that every tiime are you jokiing.
TA: ii cant even tell anymore.
CG: IT'S A JOKE MORON.
Nepeta:
AC: :33 < i forgot i have to talk to someone else about this
AC: :33 < i have b33n purrcrastinating :((
CG: OH GOD.
CG: ARE YOU REALLY SERIOUS.
AC: :33 < its not that big of a deal!
CG: THIS BOGGLES MY MIND.
CG: HOW CAN YOU BE BEST FRIENDS WITH THE ONLY GUY ON THE PLANET WHO'S A BIGGER ASSHOLE THAN ME.
AC: :33 < hes not so bad!
CG: HE'S SCUM.
CG: BUT DO WHATEVER YOU'VE GOT TO DO I GUESS.
I will also post the part where he defends her to Eridan here on the basis that it is cute:
CG: IT'S A VERY UNFORTUNATE, VERY RED AND VERY UNREQUITED SITUATION I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TIPTOE AROUND FOR A LONG TIME, OK?
CG: HER DISINTEREST IN YOUR ADVANCE WASN'T A REFLECTION ON YOU AT ALL.
CG: COME ON, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.
CA: yeah i guess
CG: ANYWAY I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU WERE EXPECTING TO MAKE ANY SORT OF TRACTION IF YOU SEE HER AS THE KITTYCAT SHIPPER GIRL, SHE'S A PERSON WITH FEELINGS YOU RAVING DOUCHE.
And then his alternate-timeline self ends up dating her and it's basically adorable.
Kanaya:
CG: THEN MIGHT AS WELL SPIT IT OUT.
GA: Its Such A Silly Question
CG: RED OR BLACK?
GA: What
CG: YOUR PROBLEM, DOES IT PERTAIN TO REDROM OR BLACKROM INTERESTS?
GA: Thats Not What This Is About
CG: COME ON. PEOPLE HAVE BEEN USING THESE MEMOS TO SIFT THROUGH THEIR ROMANTIC PROBLEMS FOR WEEKS, I AM A FUCKING VETERAN AT THIS SHIT BY NOW.
CG: SERIOUSLY, I DON'T MIND, IT'LL BE A WELCOME REPRIEVE FROM SHOUTING AT MYSELF.
Terezi:
CG: BUT THE FACT THAT SHE WORKS SO HARD ON IT IS EXACTLY WHY YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
CG: YOU DON'T EVEN NEED TO TRY TO BE THE GOOD PERSON YOU ALREADY ARE.
CG: SEE, YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW TO HAVE FUN AND BE LIKABLE BY JUST BEING YOURSELF. IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE PART OF SOME OVER THE TOP SCHTICK TO IMPRESS PEOPLE. WHEN SHE DOES THE RAD GIRL THING IT'S LIKE A DISGUISE, PROBABLY COVERING UP SOME PART OF HERSELF SHE'S UNHAPPY WITH. BUT WHEN YOU WITHDRAW AND COVER YOURSELF UP LIKE THAT, YOU'RE ACTUALLY JUST PREVENTING PEOPLE FROM SEEING SOMEONE WHO'S ALREADY BEAUTIFUL.
GC: ...
Vriska:
CG: WHY DO YOU EVEN HATE HIM, IT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS.
CG: IF ANYTHING YOU SHOULD PITY HIM.
CG: ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU WERE THE ONE WHO PARALYZED HIM.
AG: I know. I don't really understand it.
AG: It's just a really special kind of h8! It never goes away and it doesn't make a lot of sense.
CG: THIS IS KIND OF A WEIRD TIME TO BE CONFIDING IN ME ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS OF BLACK ROMANCE BUT OK.
AG: Oh god, what?
CG: I MEAN IF YOU'RE REALLY IMPLYING TAVROS IS YOUR KISMESIS I THINK YOU'RE BRAYING UP THE WRONG FROND NUB.
Equius:
CT: D --> I need a towel
CG: GO HAVE YOUR BUTLER GET YOU ONE YOU SNOOTY DOUCHE.
CT: D --> Aurthour is dead, and so is his ghost
CT: D --> Remember
CG: YEAH.
CG: SORRY MAN, I FORGOT. DIDN'T MEAN TO BRING UP A SORE SUBJECT.
CT: D --> Is this where embrace jocularly, as if we are "bros"
CT: D --> I will be as gentle as possible
CG: DON'T TOUCH ME.
Gamzee:
CG: FUCK
CG: THERE YOU ARE, YOU HAD ME WORRIED DUDE
TC: HONK.
CG: UH
CG: YEAH
CG: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ANYWAY, I TOLD EVERYONE TO LET ME KNOW IF YOU'RE GONNA WANDER OFF.
TC: honk.
TC: HONK.
TC: honk.
TC: HONK.
CG: YEAH, I GET IT WISE GUY, YOU'RE A FUCKING CLOWN, WHO CARES.
CG: QUIT THE BULLSHIT PARTYCLOWN ANTICS AND GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE.
CG: THE SHIT HAS HIT THE WHIRLING DEVICE, AND YOU COULD BE IN SERIOUS DANGER OUT THERE.
Eridan:
CG: THIS ISN'T THE VENUE FOR AIRING YOUR FUTURE PROBLEMS, COUNT SEA DIPSHIT.
CA: i knoww i knoww
CA: its just
CA: i got a problem
CA: wwith feferi
CA: and im really kinda sittin here in bad shape about it emotionally speakin
CG: OK, WELL
CG: I GET THAT, I HEAR YOU BRO
CG: BUT THIS IS STILL NOT THE RIGHT PLACE FOR THIS SO I'VE GOT TO BAN YOU.
CG: BUT SERIOUSLY JUST GET IN TOUCH WITH ME IN PRIVATE ABOUT IT, OK MAN?
CG: WE'LL GET YOUR SHIT STRAIGHTENED OUT.
Feferi:
CG: I AM SHITTING MYSELF SO HARD HERE, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO.
CG: GUESS I HAVE TO BRAVE IT FOR FEFERI'S SAKE.
CC: For my sake? 38)
CC: W)(at do you mean, Crabcatc)(?
CG: OH GOD, FEFERI...
CC: Is any of t)(is serious?
CC: It's so )(ard to tell! All of your memos )(ave been so outrageous, I can't even decide w)(at to take seriously anymore.
CC: T)(is one sounds like the biggest w)(opper of all, to be conknest!
CG: YES I AM DEAD "GLUBBING" SERIOUS, OK.
CC: STILL SOUNDS PRETTY FIS)(Y TO M-E!!! 38D
CG: FEFERI, I'M SORRY.
CG: IT WAS MY FAULT, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
John:
CG: DID YOU LIKE HER, YOU WINDSOCK HEADED SHITMOUTH.
CG: IS WHAT I'M ASKING
EB: well...
EB: yeah. why?
CG: OK
CG: THAT'S FINE
CG: THEN
CG: WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER.
EB: talk about what?
CG: I NEED YOU TO BE ABLE TO THINK STRAIGHT.
CG: WE HAVE IMPORTANT SHIT TO GO OVER, AND I DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME.
Jade:
GG: so then i guess
GG: im a hypocrite :(
CG: NOT REALLY
CG: IT JUST MEANS YOU'RE A SANE RATIONAL PERSON, AND THERE JUST MIGHT BE HOPE FOR YOU YET
GG: wait...
GG: so me arguing with my dead dream self
GG: and smacking her around while screaming at her
GG: makes me SANE???
CG: YES, ABSOLUTELY.
CG: IT MEANS ALL OF YOUR HIDEOUS FLAWS DISGUST YOU.
CG: YOU ARE RIGHT TO BE DISGUSTED, IT'S MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE CAN SAY FOR THEMSELVES.
CG: REALLY, CONGRATULATIONS ARE IN ORDER.
GG: hahaha, wow
GG: you are so weird
Dave:
CG: SHUT YOUR SQUAWK GAPER AND STAY PUT.
CG: I'M NOT DONE.
TG: sounds like a loudmouth inferiority thing going on here to me
TG: like you dont want to acknowledge that your troll ladies find a couple of human dudes irresistible
CG: YOU DON'T GET IT.
CG: I DO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT AS MUCH AS IT MAKES ME SICK TO MY VARIOUS BITS OF ALIEN PHYSIOLOGY YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF, THESE GIRLS ARE CLEARLY FLIRTING WITH BOTH OF YOU PRETTY HARD.
CG: THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE SWEPT YOU BOTH INTO THEIR SICK ASSASSINATION GAMES IS SADLY WHAT MAKES THIS OBVIOUS.
CG: THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.
We have yet to see how he will be nice to the alpha kids, but the only beta trolls with whom he's been shown interacting are Meenah and Kankri. He made friends with Meenah and humored Kankri. Which is about all you can do with Kankri.
The one person Karkat has never been nice to is, of course, Rose, of whom he is reasonably terrified. So Rose had to be nice to him instead:
CG: IF I CAN SETTLE DOWN A TICK I SHOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE MORE SENSE SHORTLY
CG: JUST ONE...
CG: *huff huff*
TT: Maybe you should lie down on the couch.
CG: FUCK...
CG: *wheeze*
CG: NO
And this is why he was forced to accept her as the new leader. She beat him at his own game.
Aradia:
AA: actually i guess i c0uld kill y0u right n0w and st0p it all fr0m happening thus d00ming us all in an 0ffsh00t timeline
AA: i might c0nsider it if we all werent d00med anyway
AA: and if y0u werent my friend
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT WAS GREAT? WHEN YOU USED TO NOT BE A ROBOT.
CG: CAUSE THIS ROBOT THING? THIS IS BULLSHIT.
CG: IF WE WEREN'T ALL ABOUT TO DIE, I'D DEDICATE OUR WHOLE TEAM TO FINDING A WAY TO BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE.
CG: BUT WE ARE SO GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO RIDE OUT THE NEXT FEW HOURS WITH A SPOOKY TIN CAN PSYCHOPATH, SOUNDS LIKE A BLAST.
AA: 0_0
Tavros:
AT: lIKE,
AT: a ROMANCE THING, yOU MIGHT KNOW ABOUT,
CG: YOU PEOPLE ARE IMBECILES.
CG: ALL OF YOU.
CG: I AM NOT POSTING THESE MEMOS TO COUNSEL YOU ON YOUR PAST AND FUTURE DATING PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CG: WHY ARE YOU ALL SUCH BASKET CASES. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE.
AT: sORRY,
CG: SHOULD I BAN YOU? WHAT'S EVEN THE POINT ANYMORE! ONE OF YOU STOOGES WILL BE RIGHT ON THE LAST ONES HEELS WITH ANOTHER SOB STORY.
CG: JUST
CG: HURRY UP AND TELL ME WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS BRO.
AT: oKAY,
Sollux:
CG: HAS A FEMALE EVER LOOKED AT YOU WITHOUT AT ONCE TURNING SKYWARD AND ERUPTING LIKE A VOMIT VOLCANO, ANSWER ME THAT.
TA: thii2 ii2 2o iimmature, iim ba2iically ju2t laughiing here at how iimmature you are. [...]
CG: I GUESS THESE CONVERSATIONS WE HAVE DO GET KIND OF EMBARRASSING IN RETROSPECT.
CG: ARE WE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE BECAUSE OF STUFF I SAID.
TA: eheheheh you LIITERALLY a2k me that every tiime are you jokiing.
TA: ii cant even tell anymore.
CG: IT'S A JOKE MORON.
Nepeta:
AC: :33 < i forgot i have to talk to someone else about this
AC: :33 < i have b33n purrcrastinating :((
CG: OH GOD.
CG: ARE YOU REALLY SERIOUS.
AC: :33 < its not that big of a deal!
CG: THIS BOGGLES MY MIND.
CG: HOW CAN YOU BE BEST FRIENDS WITH THE ONLY GUY ON THE PLANET WHO'S A BIGGER ASSHOLE THAN ME.
AC: :33 < hes not so bad!
CG: HE'S SCUM.
CG: BUT DO WHATEVER YOU'VE GOT TO DO I GUESS.
I will also post the part where he defends her to Eridan here on the basis that it is cute:
CG: IT'S A VERY UNFORTUNATE, VERY RED AND VERY UNREQUITED SITUATION I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TIPTOE AROUND FOR A LONG TIME, OK?
CG: HER DISINTEREST IN YOUR ADVANCE WASN'T A REFLECTION ON YOU AT ALL.
CG: COME ON, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.
CA: yeah i guess
CG: ANYWAY I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU WERE EXPECTING TO MAKE ANY SORT OF TRACTION IF YOU SEE HER AS THE KITTYCAT SHIPPER GIRL, SHE'S A PERSON WITH FEELINGS YOU RAVING DOUCHE.
And then his alternate-timeline self ends up dating her and it's basically adorable.
Kanaya:
CG: THEN MIGHT AS WELL SPIT IT OUT.
GA: Its Such A Silly Question
CG: RED OR BLACK?
GA: What
CG: YOUR PROBLEM, DOES IT PERTAIN TO REDROM OR BLACKROM INTERESTS?
GA: Thats Not What This Is About
CG: COME ON. PEOPLE HAVE BEEN USING THESE MEMOS TO SIFT THROUGH THEIR ROMANTIC PROBLEMS FOR WEEKS, I AM A FUCKING VETERAN AT THIS SHIT BY NOW.
CG: SERIOUSLY, I DON'T MIND, IT'LL BE A WELCOME REPRIEVE FROM SHOUTING AT MYSELF.
Terezi:
CG: BUT THE FACT THAT SHE WORKS SO HARD ON IT IS EXACTLY WHY YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
CG: YOU DON'T EVEN NEED TO TRY TO BE THE GOOD PERSON YOU ALREADY ARE.
CG: SEE, YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW TO HAVE FUN AND BE LIKABLE BY JUST BEING YOURSELF. IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE PART OF SOME OVER THE TOP SCHTICK TO IMPRESS PEOPLE. WHEN SHE DOES THE RAD GIRL THING IT'S LIKE A DISGUISE, PROBABLY COVERING UP SOME PART OF HERSELF SHE'S UNHAPPY WITH. BUT WHEN YOU WITHDRAW AND COVER YOURSELF UP LIKE THAT, YOU'RE ACTUALLY JUST PREVENTING PEOPLE FROM SEEING SOMEONE WHO'S ALREADY BEAUTIFUL.
GC: ...
Vriska:
CG: WHY DO YOU EVEN HATE HIM, IT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS.
CG: IF ANYTHING YOU SHOULD PITY HIM.
CG: ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU WERE THE ONE WHO PARALYZED HIM.
AG: I know. I don't really understand it.
AG: It's just a really special kind of h8! It never goes away and it doesn't make a lot of sense.
CG: THIS IS KIND OF A WEIRD TIME TO BE CONFIDING IN ME ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS OF BLACK ROMANCE BUT OK.
AG: Oh god, what?
CG: I MEAN IF YOU'RE REALLY IMPLYING TAVROS IS YOUR KISMESIS I THINK YOU'RE BRAYING UP THE WRONG FROND NUB.
Equius:
CT: D --> I need a towel
CG: GO HAVE YOUR BUTLER GET YOU ONE YOU SNOOTY DOUCHE.
CT: D --> Aurthour is dead, and so is his ghost
CT: D --> Remember
CG: YEAH.
CG: SORRY MAN, I FORGOT. DIDN'T MEAN TO BRING UP A SORE SUBJECT.
CT: D --> Is this where embrace jocularly, as if we are "bros"
CT: D --> I will be as gentle as possible
CG: DON'T TOUCH ME.
Gamzee:
CG: FUCK
CG: THERE YOU ARE, YOU HAD ME WORRIED DUDE
TC: HONK.
CG: UH
CG: YEAH
CG: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ANYWAY, I TOLD EVERYONE TO LET ME KNOW IF YOU'RE GONNA WANDER OFF.
TC: honk.
TC: HONK.
TC: honk.
TC: HONK.
CG: YEAH, I GET IT WISE GUY, YOU'RE A FUCKING CLOWN, WHO CARES.
CG: QUIT THE BULLSHIT PARTYCLOWN ANTICS AND GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE.
CG: THE SHIT HAS HIT THE WHIRLING DEVICE, AND YOU COULD BE IN SERIOUS DANGER OUT THERE.
Eridan:
CG: THIS ISN'T THE VENUE FOR AIRING YOUR FUTURE PROBLEMS, COUNT SEA DIPSHIT.
CA: i knoww i knoww
CA: its just
CA: i got a problem
CA: wwith feferi
CA: and im really kinda sittin here in bad shape about it emotionally speakin
CG: OK, WELL
CG: I GET THAT, I HEAR YOU BRO
CG: BUT THIS IS STILL NOT THE RIGHT PLACE FOR THIS SO I'VE GOT TO BAN YOU.
CG: BUT SERIOUSLY JUST GET IN TOUCH WITH ME IN PRIVATE ABOUT IT, OK MAN?
CG: WE'LL GET YOUR SHIT STRAIGHTENED OUT.
Feferi:
CG: I AM SHITTING MYSELF SO HARD HERE, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO.
CG: GUESS I HAVE TO BRAVE IT FOR FEFERI'S SAKE.
CC: For my sake? 38)
CC: W)(at do you mean, Crabcatc)(?
CG: OH GOD, FEFERI...
CC: Is any of t)(is serious?
CC: It's so )(ard to tell! All of your memos )(ave been so outrageous, I can't even decide w)(at to take seriously anymore.
CC: T)(is one sounds like the biggest w)(opper of all, to be conknest!
CG: YES I AM DEAD "GLUBBING" SERIOUS, OK.
CC: STILL SOUNDS PRETTY FIS)(Y TO M-E!!! 38D
CG: FEFERI, I'M SORRY.
CG: IT WAS MY FAULT, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
John:
CG: DID YOU LIKE HER, YOU WINDSOCK HEADED SHITMOUTH.
CG: IS WHAT I'M ASKING
EB: well...
EB: yeah. why?
CG: OK
CG: THAT'S FINE
CG: THEN
CG: WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER.
EB: talk about what?
CG: I NEED YOU TO BE ABLE TO THINK STRAIGHT.
CG: WE HAVE IMPORTANT SHIT TO GO OVER, AND I DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME.
Jade:
GG: so then i guess
GG: im a hypocrite :(
CG: NOT REALLY
CG: IT JUST MEANS YOU'RE A SANE RATIONAL PERSON, AND THERE JUST MIGHT BE HOPE FOR YOU YET
GG: wait...
GG: so me arguing with my dead dream self
GG: and smacking her around while screaming at her
GG: makes me SANE???
CG: YES, ABSOLUTELY.
CG: IT MEANS ALL OF YOUR HIDEOUS FLAWS DISGUST YOU.
CG: YOU ARE RIGHT TO BE DISGUSTED, IT'S MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE CAN SAY FOR THEMSELVES.
CG: REALLY, CONGRATULATIONS ARE IN ORDER.
GG: hahaha, wow
GG: you are so weird
Dave:
CG: SHUT YOUR SQUAWK GAPER AND STAY PUT.
CG: I'M NOT DONE.
TG: sounds like a loudmouth inferiority thing going on here to me
TG: like you dont want to acknowledge that your troll ladies find a couple of human dudes irresistible
CG: YOU DON'T GET IT.
CG: I DO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT AS MUCH AS IT MAKES ME SICK TO MY VARIOUS BITS OF ALIEN PHYSIOLOGY YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF, THESE GIRLS ARE CLEARLY FLIRTING WITH BOTH OF YOU PRETTY HARD.
CG: THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE SWEPT YOU BOTH INTO THEIR SICK ASSASSINATION GAMES IS SADLY WHAT MAKES THIS OBVIOUS.
CG: THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.
We have yet to see how he will be nice to the alpha kids, but the only beta trolls with whom he's been shown interacting are Meenah and Kankri. He made friends with Meenah and humored Kankri. Which is about all you can do with Kankri.
The one person Karkat has never been nice to is, of course, Rose, of whom he is reasonably terrified. So Rose had to be nice to him instead:
CG: IF I CAN SETTLE DOWN A TICK I SHOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE MORE SENSE SHORTLY
CG: JUST ONE...
CG: *huff huff*
TT: Maybe you should lie down on the couch.
CG: FUCK...
CG: *wheeze*
CG: NO
And this is why he was forced to accept her as the new leader. She beat him at his own game.
no subject
Date: 2013-02-05 09:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-02-05 10:09 pm (UTC)There have been five distinct copies of Jack Noir at this point, and a set of mini games designed to satirize Tumblr.
no subject
Date: 2013-02-09 12:14 am (UTC)