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The purchase I'm happiest with this week is a large bag of ginger cookies from Big Lots.

I also bought bras, because the two wearable ones I have are maybe ten years old. But let's be real: I'm probably going to hate or quickly ruin the new ones, as has happened every time I have purchased a bra since college. I will never stop wearing these same two apparently-immortal bras.

I used to have a white one and a blue one and a yellow one; I don't know which one I lost. The remaining two are now the same color.

Can I just go on testosterone a while just to see if it makes me less tired

Is that a thing that's fucking allowed

Since spiro is having the opposite effect I think the experiment is reasonable

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me: Man why am I shaking, I haven't even had any caffeine this afternoon, in fact all I've eaten today is applesauce and a piece of bread, so this shouldn't

me: Okay

Instead of Crystal Gems Capture Peridot And/Or Jasper And Induce Stockholm Syndrome fic

I've been thinking about Homeworld Gems capture Steven! And Induce Stockholm Syndrome! Fic!

AU where in The Return they just ignore the other gems, grab him, and leave. The gems form Alexandrite and pull the ship's finger (off), but the Homeworld gems get away regardless. Alexandrite is left jumping up and down on the beach waving at least half of her fists in the air.

And then there are let's say five episodes where he's trying to escape and keeps breaking stuff. The ship probably loses one more finger per episode, plus there's the episode focused on Pearl building a new ship.

* Lapis invents toilets and showers for Steven, and hassles Jasper into stopping at the Ice Planet Hoth or somewhere to get him food. Jasper has no idea how that works, and brings back, like, a half-ton of fish-blood ice cream. They keep having to make more stops as Peridot tries to use Science Finger Sensors figure out what he's supposed to eat.

Eventually Jasper frustratedly brings him down with her and tells him to point to things he can potentially eat. He tries to teach her conflict resolution skills and fails, shields her from a pissed-off native/monster at least once.

* This is basically just an Aqua Knight AU with Jasper as Alcantara and I'm sorry.




* At some point this scene happens. Peridot can supply the helpful technical footnotes: "a gemfathom is equal to 183 of your earth centimeters and thus 100 -" "LOOK HE DOESN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT IT'S NOT GERMANE"

* Once they've actually got the food thing sorted out, he continues making up new nutritional deficits and ailments to slow them down, so every episode involves a stop for food wherein he "gets lost," tries to contact home, etc. He learns... things about Modern Gem Culture, I don't know. Insert the Homeworld Is At War With Something Worse And Losing theory here?

* When Jasper and Peridot finally catch on that the forcefields don't work on Steven, Jasper's initial "containment plan" of just kind of carrying him around is compromised by his insistence upon passive-aggressively-but-also-sincerely singing songs about friendship, hugging her, playing with her hair, etc. Her Plan B, making Lapis carry him, is scrapped because Lapis and Steven enjoy this and that also bothers her.

Peridot eventually invents rope.

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* I actually just want someone to redraw all of Alcantara and Zykey's panels but with Jasper and Peridot, obviously hating each other. Particularly Alcantara's self-aggrandizing backstory segment.

Where is the SU fanfic that is actually in the tone of the show

Where no one gets pregnant with themselves and the whole thing is not crying