Jan. 14th, 2015

Jan. 14th, 2015 01:10 am
My body needs a debug mode that I can use to figure out what specific function is fucking up. Useful error messages and everything. Is it flu, is it an ear/throat infection, is it hormonal, is there a vitamin in which I'm deficient, is the cold seeping in through my inadequately-insulated brainscar and freezing the neurons necessary to maintain balance and motor control.
This was basically just spell-checking pleadings and asking me if his “wording made sense.” He didn’t actually usually change his wording if I said it didn’t, he just enjoyed it when I tried to tell him he was lawyering wrong.

When I was thirteen, though, he had a case in which someone had been found to have some illegal material on his work computer. This guy assured Dad that he’d just gotten said illegal material as attachments to spam, and that he hadn’t wanted any of it.

The prosecution gave us copies of the emails in question with full headers, and the headers obviously rendered these documents far too intimidating for Dad. He got home, handed them to me, and asked me to look over them and explain them to me.

I hope that the information which I have presented here has instilled in you an appropriate sense of dread.

The actual illegal stuff had been redacted out, but the “benign” files had not. These included a photo of a woman posing suggestively next to her horse. This image formed an important part of a long-running conversation that Dad’s client had been having with her!

I have never stopped telling my dad that he is lawyering wrong.

Jan. 14th, 2015 01:08 pm
I know I've been up for three hours, but I only have like an hour worth of memory of them? It can't have taken me that long to make breakfast and feed the cat. I haven't even washed my face yet. Did I just zone out over my cereal bowl for two whole hours.

Edit: I have collected evidence suggesting that at the time of writing this post, I had, in fact, only been up for one hour. I’ve now confused myself about time and space for the rest of the day, though.

Is anything real
Because it's abruptly rendered my face, neck, and chest so dense with acne that it'll be impossible to tell if I develop the Doom Rash.

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