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Dec. 21st, 2014 11:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
snarpDubiety is such a sweet cat - he's sitting next to me looking at me reproachfully right now, because I've only spent half the morning sitting down where he can get to me.
But I still really miss Polly. Sometimes I'll accidentally call him by her name and spent the next couple hours in a black cloud.
I spent the two weeks or so before Papaw passed away basically bursting into tears all the time. On the top of my mind it was because she was gone, but, y'know, obviously it was also because he was on his way.
I couldn't face it directly. On the morning he died, I dried up - the moment I picked up the phone and heard Dad crying on the other end, I could fucking *feel* that part of me shutting down. Since he died, I've only been able to cry for him once, the morning before the funeral. Then I stopped, went to the funeral, and went up and told everyone the horse syphilis story. It was too much to deal with. Therefore, rude anecdotes and flipping out over the cat.
So Polly has to stand in for him until I can face it, whenever that's going to be. It's too big to see in its entirety from close up - I need to get further away, like I'm going across the street to take a picture of a building.
But I still really miss Polly. Sometimes I'll accidentally call him by her name and spent the next couple hours in a black cloud.
I spent the two weeks or so before Papaw passed away basically bursting into tears all the time. On the top of my mind it was because she was gone, but, y'know, obviously it was also because he was on his way.
I couldn't face it directly. On the morning he died, I dried up - the moment I picked up the phone and heard Dad crying on the other end, I could fucking *feel* that part of me shutting down. Since he died, I've only been able to cry for him once, the morning before the funeral. Then I stopped, went to the funeral, and went up and told everyone the horse syphilis story. It was too much to deal with. Therefore, rude anecdotes and flipping out over the cat.
So Polly has to stand in for him until I can face it, whenever that's going to be. It's too big to see in its entirety from close up - I need to get further away, like I'm going across the street to take a picture of a building.
