I do not get stomach flu very often.

So my body feels the need to make a very special occasion of it when it happens. Today's events number among the top five most painful experiences of my adult life.

I'm not going to describe what happened, just imagine a laundry basket containing two separate sets of clumsily-removed garments stained with rank fluids. You now know as much as you want to about my day.

I think 4/13 should be a day everybody posts stories about falling down stairs

and I'm not just saying so because I do that all the fucking time.