I'm too stupid to watch cartoons, I have to read instead.

Every time I think I'm feeling better, I try to watch something on TV - or, okay, usually on Crunchyroll, whatever. And every time, I cannot fucking make it more than eight or nine minutes without needing to stop. My eyes won't focus, I can't follow the dialog, I get anxious, and sometimes my head starts hurting.

I've got some stuff I want to watch on YouTube bookmarked, and I keep looking at the YouTube icon, hesitating, and going, "no, I don't feel up to this right now."

The hallucinations and wordsalad interjections into my train of thought are gone now, but those honestly were not as big a problem. Those were things that I could recognize as intrusions and sort of wait out. The inability to adequately process certain common types of visual and auditory stimuli is much more frustrating.

Can't I negotiate a fucking trade? Brain, I'll give you thirty minutes of incoherent prattle a day in exchange for the ability to watch thirty minutes of television without needing multiple breaks. Let's get this thing done.

no subject

Last night I dreamed I was in a hammock on the porch and saw a small plesiosaur, about the size of a pony, oozing across the yard like a big slug.

Aren't these things supposed to be extinct? Have we always had plesiosaurs in the yard? Maybe I should go get my camera, or something.

But even in my dreams I'm tired all the time, so I just laid there. It noticed me looking at it, glared at me, and hurried away towards the creek. It was the colors of a fire opal.

More plesiosaurs trundled across the yard, a whole herd or school or pod, each in different jewel colors. I finally hauled myself up to get the camera, but by the time I'd found it, they were all gone.