JManga: A Eulogy Addressed To The Dead, And In Bullet Points

As of May 30th 2013 at 11:59pm (US Pacific Time) users will no longer be able to view digital manga content on JManga.com. At this time all purchased and free digital manga content will be erased from all JManga Member’s accounts.

You were brought into existence, JManga, by beings who desired to banish the internet again into the maelstrom from which it had formed. As such, your business plan was crafted as a formalized gesture of spite, towards a future in which your creators saw themselves diminishing in stature, becoming mere men, and old. And so they spake, and said,

can we go back to the eighties lets go back to the eighties okay.

(That's what they said.)

And then, JManga, they created you.

You were an abomination. And your life was not a good one.

* You were asking people to pay real-book-type prices for low-resolution scans of poorly-edited manga.

* Which were not downloadable. Not even with DRM. They could be accessed only from your servers, using your website and or your proprietary apps.

* As such - as any erstwhile user of Yahoo! Music or other such services well knew - we did not buy those low-resolution scans from you. We merely rented them, until came the day upon which you would shrug your shoulders, say "welp, I tried," and shut down your servers.

* You didn't actually try.

* Like, your website and apps were so bad? That I think they were meant as some kind of deliberate "fuck you."

* You didn't even release the mobile apps until last October.

* Wait, did the iPad app ever come out? (Edit: It didn't.)

* It's just kind of hard to believe you were serious about entering this market, is I guess what I'm saying, JManga.

* So, I don't really care that you're dead.

* Someone else should probably have delivered the eulogy.

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Lawstuck: A Homestuck AU That Is Only Funny If You Have Actually Worked In An Appalachian Law Office

(Previously on Lawstuck: "The Midnight Crew is the worst criminal defense firm in history, Droog, Boxcars & Deuce...")

Kanaya is a family court judge who keeps her chainsaw in the courtroom with her, despite numerous polite requests by the Judicial Conduct Commission. They have yet to actually discipline her for it because she's a family court judge. That's like the third-worst job in the commonwealth after social worker and Karkat.

(Karkat's job description actually says "being stabbed by Slick.")

She's really glad that Kurloz is in jail and Gamzee's a legal adult now, hopes she's out of office by the time Cronus or Eridan somehow figures out How To Relationship, and yeah this is getting sad again. Did I mention that family court is the most depressing fucking thing? *

She hadn't planned to try for a second term, but Vriska's been talking about running against her and like fuck she's going down without a fight on that one. She would still prefer to lose. Unfortunately, her now-permanent state of shell-shock is perceived by others as "a dignified judicial mien," and she lightly chainsawed Eridan at Fructose-Imbued Pseudo-Traditional Nutrition Object Days last September. She has thus rendered herself the only re-electable family court judge in the history of the Commonwealth of Homestuck.

Also, her campaign manager's probably going to be Terezi again because no one else wants to be a campaign manager in a fucking family court race, those things are the worst, and Terezi 1S TH3 B3ST C4MP41GN M4N4G3R. YOU DONT 3V3N KNOW. She also has a massive library of video clips of Vriska mind-controlling witnesses and poking them with pencils and shit.

TT: You'll recall that I did tell you to stick with private practice.

GA: Rose

GA: Hearts Boxcars Was The Only Other Candidate And That Would Have Been The Apocalypse

GA: He Would Have Granted Custody To Whoever Cried In The Most Affecting Manner

GA: Even If The Party In Question Had Appeared For Their 9:00 AM Hearing Drunk And Wearing A Home-Made T-Shirt Saying "I Lost My Little Boy THAKNS OBAMA"

TT: You can't fix the whole world, Kanaya.

GA: You Dont Understand I Dont Want To Anymore

GA: I Just Want To Chainsaw It

( Cut for Tavros and Rufioh trying to run a pizza place. )

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