Ideological purity.

I've been vegetarian-ing for three weeks, and I haven't had much trouble avoiding meat; it hasn't really been a big part of my diet since I came back from Japan. But I can't work myself up to care that there's fish in instant dashi? I eat soba all the time, and I've got like four boxes of this stuff, and throwing them out will do nothing to remedy global overfishing.

When I run out I'll buy some plain wakame and try cooking with that, but for now I intend to continue to eat noodles that have been rendered ritually unclean.

I'm also resolving to go ahead and eat a hot dog/fried chicken/etc if I'm on a long drive or something and that's all that's available. I'm a bad enough driver when my blood sugar's normal.

Goddamnit, dwarves.

You made a trumpet out of moose leather (how did you do that) and named it "Craftplunged the Disembowelment of Virgins." That is not a thing that you should have done.

Andre Norton and Mercedes Lackey ALLEGEDLY wrote a book together.

Yes. It's about evil elves who breed evil unicorns and then release them into the wild where they destroy the ecological balance oh noes. They have also enslaved all the humans for purposes of general elvish debauchery.

I'm pretty sure that this is the process by which this book was written:

Andre Norton: You know what, I think no one's done an Elf Opposite Day book yet! I'd might as well get going on that - I mean, I'll basically take any premise and just run with it, right? That's my whole thing.

Tor Books: We will buy this book.

Norton: Yeah, I know.

*time passes*

Norton: I don't know... I mean, I named this character Serina Daeth, and I just - I'm not feeling this anymore, I don't know how that's even pronounced. Maybe it's just that I'm fricking eighty. Mercedes Lackey, you're not doing anything important right now, right? Put on an Elf Opposite Day for me.

MERCEDES LACKEY: OH I AM SO VERY GOING TO GET SOME PEACEFUL ECOLOGICALLY-CONSCIOUS DRAGONS UP IN.

Norton: What - dude, no, you are totally fucking up Elf Opposite Day. You're just making the dragons be the elves, you are barely maintaining fidelity to our awesome cheapass trope reversal.

LACKEY: NO NO SEE SOME OF THEM ARE MEAN THOUGH. SO THEY CAN BULLY THE HEROINE. SHE IS A HALF-ELF-HALF-HUMAN WIZARD RAISED BY A DRAGON, THE DRAGON'S A SHAMAN.

Norton: Even your name is in all caps.

LACKEY: OH OH AND I'M TOTALLY GOING TO THROW SOME UNCOMFORTABLE IMPLICIT DRAGON/BIPED SEXUAL STUFF IN THERE, I MEAN THAT REALLY WORKED WELL FOR ME IN THE BLACK GRYPHON (MAGE WARS BOOK 1, WITH LARRY DIXON, 1995). OH WAIT THAT WORK ACTUALLY POSTDATES THIS ONE HUH.

Norton: I am going to go be eighty someplace else.

LACKEY: OKAY THAT'S FINE BYE! A BABY DRAGON IS LEARNING TO SEW NOW :) :) :)

Tor Books: We are giving this book a particularly goofy Boris Vallejo cover as a sort of oblique warning as to its content. There will be no visible elves.

Norton: Worst. Elf Opposite Day. Ever.