I am so much smarter than you that it is *physically painful*.

My immense genius has naturally afforded me many opportunities in life that others, less-gifted, would never have the joy of experiencing. Today, for example, my brilliance led me not to check what was in the sink in the chemistry lab before I turned the faucet on, causing a mysterious blueish chemical in a tub to splash up onto my face, some of it getting into my mouth. I have spent the last forty-five minutes spitting and pondering whether my stomach is cramping because I swallowed some of it or because of the placebo effect.

You people who aren't *smart* don't even know what the placebo effect *is*, I'll bet.

...

I'll be skipping dinner. If I don't show up for work tonight, you have permission to break the door down with an axe. 'cause that'd be pretty cool. Us smart people *appreciate* axes.