The Anita Blake Drinking Game

[snarp]

Oh, great. Now you have alcohol poisoning.

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Take a drink if…

Anita is at a strip club (not because she wants to be but because she is On A Case) and somebody goes up on stage and casts a spell on the whole crowd except her.

Anita complains that though you shouldn’t look into a vampire’s eyes, it’s hard to look at someone’s face without making eye contact.

Anita is on a plane and she complains she hates flying.

Anita only got an hour of sleep last night. (She seems fine, though.)

Anita tells a story that ends, “They never did find his torso.”

Anita wonders whether she has “become one of the monsters,” and decides she has. Three pages later she wonders this again, and comes to the same conclusion. Cycle repeats for whole entire book.

Anita meets a woman who does not live up to her standards of hard-assedness. She will shortly be in deadly danger, and may die.

Anita meets an attractive woman who is powerful and sexually assertive. She is evil and/or mentally unbalanced, and will shortly die.

Anita meets someone who is religious and pities them. They are probably mentally unbalanced and about to die.

Anita forgets she was supposed to go work out with Veronica today.

Veronica worries that Anita might be in over her head. Then she gives her the information she needs for a suicide mission.

Dolph warns Anita that he doesn’t want to have to arrest her for murder. Then he gives her the information she needs to murder a million billion people.

Anita meets a guy who has “nothing home behind his eyes.”

Anita calls somebody “ethnic” and “sexy.”

A sexist police officer attempts to prevent Anita from viewing the crime scene. An older white male authority figure lets her in shortly after.

A police officer tells Anita she is not tough enough to handle the sight of the corpse. She gives a speech about how maybe she isn’t, but it’s her job.

Anita throws up someplace near the corpse. Someone points out to the police officer making fun of her about it that he or one of his subordinates did the same thing.

There is a female police officer. Anita comments that it’s rare not to be the only woman at the crime scene, then criticizes the woman for trying too hard to be one of the boys.

Anita gives an older white male authority figure information about supernatural creatures in a hard-ass, professional manner, impressing or frightening him depending on whether we’re supposed to like him.

Anita makes some sort of angry statement or gesture to a supernatural creature. Everyone is shocked. Someone sighs and tells someone else to tell her. The someone else explains that according to the laws of that particular supernatural creature’s society, she has just declared herself its master/its lover/a rival claimant to the throne/etc.

Anita describes her scars and their backstories.

Anita describes her scars and their backstories aloud, to somebody who doubts her bad-assitude. They are so shocked that they tell her about their Secret Trauma.

Anita describes the various guns she’s carrying, indicating that some of them were gifts from “a friend who doesn’t care too much about “legal,”" and explains whether and why they are loaded with silver bullets.

Anita describes the relative sexiness of her own clothes.

Someone else (probably male) gives a higher estimation of the sexiness of said clothes.

Jean-Claude buys the entire cast a new wardrobe for some reason.

Descriptions of Jean-Claude’s garments substitute for his characterization.

Anita observes that Jean-Claude is “beautiful, but somehow completely masculine.”

Anita comments that someone “looks a porn star.”

Anita does not have time to change out of her bloodstained clothes before she has to go meet someone respectable and nicely-dressed.

Richard complains that Anita is mean.

Anita complains that Richard is a wuss.

Anita reminisces about something twee that she did with Richard.

A werewolf complains that Anita “is not pack.” Several pages are spent expounding why she technically is.

Jason, Stephen, Nathaniel, Cherry, and Zane are simultaneously sexualized and infantilized. (So, the wereleopards? Have we ever actually seen any of them turn into a frickin’ leopard? Why do they spend all their time weeping and clinging to Anita?)

Somebody is sexually assaulted by a decomposing thing. Anita blows the decomposing thing up, thus “violating truce” and dooming the city.

Anita describes Edward as “Aryan.”

Anita acknowledges that though Edward is a sociopath and would kill her, they are still friends.

Anita wonders what’s going on inside Edward’s head.

To save someone’s life, Anita is forced to fondle a supernatural creature.

The phrase “the power” is a transparent euphemism for “Anita’s genitalia.”

(Originally published at SarahPin.com. You can comment here or there.)