Coffee is well-known to aggravate and even cause Dying Of Dysentery.

But I just had some, and quickly began to feel much less shitty. Why do so many of the most useful chemicals have to cause dependence? Someone just. Hurry up and cure that particular physiological problem, make the anti-dependence pill. Install a neural network reset button.

Mar. 27th, 2014 04:38 pm
Me: So Dad the doctor said that you had to be the one to bring my stool samples back in.

Mom: He did say that. You specifically.

Dad: No.

Me: No, you have to. He said they won't be right somehow if it's someone else.

Dad: NoooOoo. No. No.

Mom: Dear, this is your daughter's health at stake.

Dad: That's why she has a good mother -

Mom: I don't think you're treating this situation with the gravity which it deserves.
Mom: So what are you supposed to do with the sample jar that has the fluid in it. Do I even want to know.

Me: I put some poop in there and then it grows into a tiny fucking tree that whispers quiet words of wisdom I don't know. I don't understand modern medicine.

screw this

Mar. 26th, 2014 01:27 pm
me: So I think I have dysentery and am going to poop myself to death.

nurse I called on the phone from bed: I'm sorry, honey! That's really going around this week.

She told me to not eat for 24 hours and to drink all the world's Gatorade, because I was probably too dehydrated for just water. I could tell it was working when I started sweating again. I have a fever but I had stopped sweating, I was out of sweat.
Because I'm trying to do that every day, as a method of tracking my moods and coherency for future reference in evaluating the effectiveness of these unpleasant psychiatric drugs I'm on.

I could post about my brain or I could post about Sei Shonagon's brain. Different sets of problems with those two brains. I hope, anyway? I hope I don't have Sei Shonagon's problems, buried deep within me. I re-read half of The Pillow Book today, which is more than I've managed to read at a stretch in months, is where this is coming from.

I also listened episode 39 of Night Vale, and was pleased that there was a reference to Barry Hughart's Bridge of Birds. That's a really good book.

This has been my report on my brain, which is probably in my head still. When I knock on the side of my head, it does not make a hollow sound. (I just knocked lightly on the side of my head with my right fist.) Brain's probably in there, it's probably my own brain.
But I guess moreso than usual the past couple of days, given that I have not been typing total nonsense into this box here. My movements will eventually slow to the point that the elementary particles from which I am composed will entirely cease to move. Science will be, like, "fuck what did we build this Large Hadron Collider for anyway."

I did bake some muffins today.
Swallowed Liquid Nausea Medicine Without Immediately Vomiting It Back Up

So, I am done being sick now. Time to turn this game off.

cut for even grosser problem )
Steps to ripping your foot up and freaking out your mother.

1) While sitting in chair reading, abruptly feel dizzy and nauseous.

2) Reaction: "no! I didn't exercise yesterday, so I have to do it today! I will cure this ailment by means of taking it to the limit!" *

3) Change clothes and get on the treadmill, actually nearly falling down while climbing over the baby gate keeping the dogs out of the treadmill room. I could have just taken the gate out of the way, but that would have required bending over, which I felt I could not do.

4) Jog a mile and then take a shower, feel extremely dizzy upon emerging from shower because I have not had enough fluids today. Think, "it can wait until I eat in a few minutes." Do not drink a glass of water before putting on deodorant, etc.

5) Fall the fuck down and rip foot open on baseboards, cuss extremely loud, kind of hunch over there glaring at the baseboards for a second looking for something wrong with them to complain about.

6) There's nothing wrong with the baseboards - I am very talented and fell at just the right angle to rip the top of my foot open on the baseboards, of all things.

7) Limp out of bathroom sniffling and freak out Mom, ask her if she can put some bandaids on my blood-soaked foot that I cannot reach without falling the fuck down again.

8) Complain to internet.

* As per toxic cultural narratives of health/abledness/masculinity, which I have made fun of plenty of times on this blog and elsewhere. For this story it is important to remember that I am 1) pretty dumb, and 2) also a huge hypocrite.
Also no urge to make semi-coherent posts about Homestuck/Witches of Karres/Houshin Engi crossovers. Could there possibly be a connection?

I felt physically better yesterday, but today's the first day the inside of my head's felt like it was starting to clear up; I even read five pages at a stretch without needing to shut my eyes this morning. Incredible.

I still feel sick when I bend over, though, so I am not going to clean up all these disemboweled chewtoys.
Apparently we've had a boil-water notice on all week. I called to complain that the water tasted like death and the guy said, "but they announced it on the radio."


I mostly have been boiling it, and filtering it!, because I just have that sort of relationship with the tap water in this goddamn house. But I do not boil the water I brush my teeth with, and since I've been taking my vertigo tablets at the same time, I have probably been making myself sicker when I take my meds.

Also, it still tastes gross after being fucking boiled. I'm going to dump all that barley tea I made, go to the store for jugs of water. Maybe ritualistically destroy the fucking tea kettle, because it cannot be opened to clean it.
Addressing problem intelligently by drinking wine instead.

Wait how do I brush my teeth.

#this is the modern way #it is also the medieval way #same way
1) I have the world's most boring job again (search engine result evaluation for Leapforce).

Last time I passed their employment test, I had to quit almost immediately due to the brain tumor situation. Hopefully this event will not again foreshadow the need for major surgery.

2) Still nauseous, dizzy, and only sleeping a couple hours at a stretch, plus my ears are actually starting to hurt now. I do not feel comfortable actually putting in any hours yet.

3) Polydactyly the Cat is also sick, and has plainly been so for a while without me noticing; she's lost weight and her fur's greasy. I may have to ask Papaw to drive us to the vet tomorrow, because I'm not sure I can get out there on my own.

4) I think the heat pump's completely given the fuck out usjdkfhaskf. Going to hide in my room with space heater, tea, and sick cat if she chooses to participate.
Usually I just say here immediately when I get a new stupid diagnsosis because I like complaining so very much, but I didn't this time, because I guess it is particularly bad and I forgot. The reason I am dizzy and nauseous and unusually angry at web standards is apparently that I have a really bad ear infection. I don't think they even gave me this many antibiotics the time I got pneumonia, these are huge pills. I'm taking something to fix the stomach problems and vertigo, too, which mostly works, but I'm still getting intermittent dizzy spells.

I think my slipper the dog took into the field is salvageable, so last night I threw it into the laundry room, which is down a flight of stairs. I threw it because I didn't feel great about negotiating stairs at that particular moment.

I just went over to toss some dishtowels down, and saw that I'd apparently been too dizzy even to effectively throw a slipper in the down direction, because it was wedged in this spot high up in the wall. If you get dizzy enough grabbity does not grab, it punches.

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The contents of this blog and all comments I make are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike License. I hope that name is long enough. I could add some stuff. It could also be a Bring Me A Sandwich License.

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