[personal profile] snarp

COMYN LORD: I am so angry and celibate! It has something to do with my psychic powers.

HIS DAD: Cry moar. You are going to be a warrior and awesome and give me millions of awesome grandchildren because I have inadequacy issues.

COMYN LORD: I hate you, father! I fantasize about killing you with such eerie vividness that I must flee the room to rest my burning forehead against the cool stones of the corridor wall, terrified by how near I have come to patricide this day.

HIS DAD: (That is normal on Darkover.)

COMYN LADY: HI I’M HERE FOR THE ARRANGED MARRIAGE

COMYN LORD: You are so impossibly beautiful and innocent that I cannot bear even to look at you with my impure, lustful eyes.

COMYN LADY: (That is normal on Darkover.)

COMYN LORD: Women in your family tend to die in childbirth, and children in my family tend to go mad when their psychic powers develop at adolescence, and you’re a the Keeper of a Tower and psychologically conditioned to kill men who lust after you.

COMYN LADY: I am also your first cousin.

COMYN LORD: Alas, though we are madly in love already, we cannot possibly consummate our marriage.

COMYN LADY: Even though we’re telepaths, and that will eventually drive us mad?

COMYN LORD: Yup. It’s pretty crazy how often this exact situation arises on Darkover, isn’t it?

COMYN LADY: Yeah, I don’t even know.

SLIGHTLY OLDER COMYN LORD WHO LOOKS JUST LIKE THE HERO EXCEPT MEANER: I just did something! Something wicked and unnatural!

COMYN LORD AND LADY: *accidentally have sex due to wicked-and-unnatural-related stress*

COMYN LADY: I’m pregnant with your baby! It may be a monster. It may also be the promise of a better future, depends on the book.

SLIGHTLY YOUNGER COMYN LORD/LADY WHO HAS SUCH POTENTIAL: I just did something! Something selfish and ignorant!

HIS DAD AGAIN: It’s my fault because I raised him/her wrong, but I don’t realize it.

COMYN LORD: I dare not raise my voice to my father - his heart is weak, and it would kill him.

COMYN LADY: *miscarries due to selfish-and-ignorant-related stress*

COMYN LORD: DADDY I AM REPLACING YOU WITH AN AUNT FROM A GEORGETTE HEYER NOVEL

HIS DAD AGAIN: *is killed by his weak heart*

SLIGHTLY OLDER COMYN LORD: Say, have I mentioned that I am a sexual deviant in some manner? Maybe I’m a pedophile, or I keep nonhuman sex slaves. I could be into wife-swapping? Definitely bondage. Probbbably not a furry.

COMYN LADY: There was a furry one time, but I don’t think that ever actually got explained.

SLIGHTLY OLDER COMYN LORD: Oh, yeah. That was weird.

COMYN LORD: He was like, a cat, right? Was Bradley already hanging around with Mercedes Lackey then?

COMYN LADY: No, too early. Lackey must have gotten the idea from her.

SLIGHTLY OLDER COMYN LORD: It is not inconceivable that both arrived at the evil catman idea independently. Anyway, my point was that you can tell I’m evil because of the sex stuff. Let’s have a final battle now.

COMYN LORD AND LADY JOIN FORCES AND FORM A BAND THE LIKES OF WHICH HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN, AND THEY CALL THEMSELVES SOMETHING TOTALLY DUMBSHIT, LIKE “THE FORBIDDEN TOWER.”

SLIGHTLY OLDER COMYN LORD: I see the error of my sexy ways. It is notable that I have already produced many more children than the two of you ever will, so ensuring a robust population of villains and men with inadequacy issues with which to populate later books. *dies*

SLIGHTLY YOUNGER COMYN LORD/LADY: *is maybe also dead*

COMYN LORD: …so, my psychic powers tell me we will have a baby someday, so we had better get on that. Even though tragedy lays in our child’s future!

COMYN LADY: We will live happily ever after until we are slaughtered in the events of a later book.

SPACESHIPS: (There were also spaceships in this book.)

-

Possibly Also Relevant To Your Interests: Anne Bishop.

(Crossposted to SarahPin.com, Dreamwidth, and LiveJournal. You can leave comments at whichever.)

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Date: 2010-01-15 08:22 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] holyschist
This is hilarious and SO TRUE and now I want to reread all the Darkover books.

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From: [personal profile] holyschist - Date: 2010-01-16 03:23 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-01-15 10:04 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] inkstone
::laughs until she cries::

So true!!

(no subject)

From: [personal profile] inkstone - Date: 2010-01-15 10:38 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-01-15 12:11 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] meganbmoore
*terrified, yet enthralled*

Date: 2010-01-15 03:30 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] telophase
Have you read any Darkover? My adolescence was full of them, which may explain a lot.

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From: [personal profile] meganbmoore - Date: 2010-01-15 11:18 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [personal profile] telophase - Date: 2010-01-15 11:25 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [personal profile] meganbmoore - Date: 2010-01-15 11:34 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [personal profile] sara - Date: 2010-01-16 10:41 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [personal profile] meganbmoore - Date: 2010-01-16 11:20 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [personal profile] holyschist - Date: 2010-01-16 03:40 am (UTC) - Expand

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From: [personal profile] meganbmoore - Date: 2010-01-15 11:24 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [personal profile] holyschist - Date: 2010-01-16 03:41 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-01-15 08:45 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] sara
*cackles violently* YES THIS EXACTLY.

And it was awesome and we loved it.

Date: 2010-01-16 10:28 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] cofax7
We TOTALLY DID.

::weeps for my younger self::

(no subject)

From: [personal profile] sara - Date: 2010-01-16 10:33 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-01-15 09:40 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] starlady
*scrapes jaw off floor*

Obi-Wan! Tell me it's not true!

Date: 2010-01-16 04:16 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] torachan
LOL This is awesome.

Date: 2010-01-16 11:54 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] thinking_lotus
I am having severe flashbacks.

Hold me.

Date: 2010-01-15 03:48 pm (UTC)

Date: 2010-01-15 05:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wintersweet.livejournal.com
Right, there's no mystery at all about why I couldn't get into these, then!

I kept wondering if something was wrong with me at the time.

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From: [identity profile] enegim.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-01-15 09:02 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-01-15 05:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] james-nicoll.livejournal.com
May I link to this?

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From: [identity profile] caprine.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-01-15 07:26 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] rmjwell.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-01-16 07:01 am (UTC) - Expand

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From: [personal profile] beable - Date: 2010-01-15 07:37 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] asyouknow-bob.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-01-15 11:56 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] threeringedmoon.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-01-15 08:00 pm (UTC) - Expand

Also here from link

From: [identity profile] phil-boswell.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-01-15 09:42 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-01-15 06:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rushthatspeaks.livejournal.com


My favorites are the ones with Extremely Emo Gay Relationships That Everyone Feels Guilty About.

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From: [identity profile] rushthatspeaks.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-01-16 06:32 am (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] spiffikins.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-01-16 07:50 am (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] meganbmoore.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-05-25 12:43 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-01-15 07:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mercwriter.livejournal.com
That was awesome. (I've never read the book but now I want to, just so I can hear this narrative in the back of my mind the whole time. Which would be even more awesome.)

*hats off to you*

Date: 2010-01-15 08:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] llennhoff.livejournal.com
That is EXACTLY right. Well done.

Date: 2010-01-15 08:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maverick-weirdo.livejournal.com
You forgot to mention that the Moons are to blame for any wicked, unnatural, selfish, ignorant, or accidental sex acts

Date: 2010-01-15 09:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] caprine.livejournal.com
And the Ghost Wind! Damn that intoxicating pollen.

Date: 2010-01-15 08:56 pm (UTC)

Date: 2010-01-15 10:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chuk-g.livejournal.com
I wish you'd written this before I read any of the books, would have saved me so much time.

Date: 2010-01-15 10:16 pm (UTC)

Date: 2010-01-15 11:34 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] bolindbergh
You forgot the bits about mandatory sex with your sister-in-law while your wife is pregnant. ;-)

Date: 2010-01-16 12:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jeriendhal.livejournal.com
Aaaaand I'm so glad I never picked these books up. Of course now I'm going to keep imagining them having incestous relationships with McCaffrey's Pern books. :)

Date: 2010-01-16 01:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragoness-e.livejournal.com
I enjoyed MZB's Darkover in college. Of course, back then any sub-text went "swoosh!" over my head. What pissed me off, however, was inconsistent characterization from book to book, particularly of minor characters. Relatively nice supporting character Y, would, for no explicable reason, turn into frothing villain Y in another novel.

Date: 2010-01-16 03:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sanj.livejournal.com
PERFECT. Well, plus the Awesome Separatist Commune Where We Invent Feminism, Which Has Strangely Not Been Invented By the People in the Spaceships.

Date: 2010-01-16 04:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jeffreyab.livejournal.com
You left out the hermaphrodites and the Dry Towners and the Ya Men and Port Chicago on the part of Darkover that never gets mentioned which is everything to the north of the Wall Around the World.

I stopped reading them in the late 70's they seemed to have changed a bit since then.

Date: 2010-01-18 02:01 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] archangelbeth
The Dry Towners are totally recycled from a prior book of hers which is now available on Project Gutenberg: The Door Through Space.

Totally. Recycled. Entirely.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] jeffreyab.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-01-18 02:21 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-01-16 06:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] patgund.livejournal.com
I spent way the hell too many teenage years reading these books (at least until "City of Sorcery", which was so GODS AWFUL I couldn't stand reading any of it again.

You hit it dead on.

Date: 2010-01-16 08:43 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] azurelunatic
*giggle*

The chains of linking that brought me here (more than one) all originate with [livejournal.com profile] james_nicoll.

(just a drop in from a link chain)

Date: 2010-01-16 11:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] juliansinger.livejournal.com
God, this is SO TRUE.

I look forward to the Hasturization. Eventually.
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