Very Short Fanfics Part Whatever+1

An extremely serious work of Neprezi for blurds/eptified.

NEPETA: :33 < the pouncellor rolls to seduce the dragon!

VRISKA: Not this again!

TEREZI: OK4Y F1N3

TEREZI: BUT W3 H4V3 T4LK3D 4BOUT TH1S

TEREZI: 4BOUT HOW 1F TH3 POUNC3LLOR ROLLS TO S3DUC3 TH1NGS 1T 1S OUT OF CH4R4CT3R FOR H3R TO ROLL TO S3DUC3 TH3N SH3 G3TS 4 P3N4LTY TO S41D ROLL 3QU4L 3X4CTLY TO TH3 V4LU3 OF TH3 ROLL?

NEPETA: :33 < yeah but you're making that rule up!

ROSE: Alas, it is in the rule book.

TEREZI: 4LL 1’M S4Y1NG 1S, 1F YOU W4NT TO S3DUC3 TH3 DR4GON, YOU H4V3 TO 4CTU4LLY ROL3-PL4Y 1T! TH3 POUNC3LLOR 4ND H3R P4RTY H4V3 B33N PURSU1NG TH3 W1LY DR4GON WHO S4T ON TH3 C1TY OF LL4NKHM3OWR FOR M4NY LONG MONTHS NOW, SURV1V3D COUNTL3SS TR4PS 4ND T4UNTS! TH3 DR4GON H4S 3V3N STOL3N 4W4Y (4ND P4RT14LLY-34T3N) TH3 PR1NC3SS TO WHOM TH3 POUNC3LLOR H4S SWORN H3R LOY4LTY FOR 4LL T1M3!

TEREZI: T3LL M3, POUNC3LLOR - DO YOU R34LLY W1SH TO 3ND YOUR LONG STRUGGL3 4G41NST TH1S M4J3ST1C B34ST W1TH 4 JOK1NG “ROLL TO S3DUC3?”

VRISKA: Yeah, can we please quit screwing around and get something done, for once????????

NEPETA: :33 < ...all right, then! i WILL role-play it! the pouncellor will seduce her old rival with the very fiercest of furvor!

TEREZI: NOW TH4T 1S WH4T 1 L1K3 TO H34R!

VRISKA: Oh, my god.

TEREZI: SO: HOW W1LL TH3 POUNC3LLOR PL4Y TH1S? 1 R3M1ND H3R TH4T H3R R3L4T1ONSH1P W1TH TH3 K1DN4PP3D C4TK1N PR1NC3SS (PL4Y3D BY 4 C3RT41N 4BS3NT NON-F3L1NO1D PR1NC3SS WHO H4S UNW1S3LY SK1PP3D TH3 P4ST TWO S3SS1ONS) W4S V3RG1NG ON TH3 BL4CK B3FOR3 TH3 DR4GON C4RR13D H3R 4W4Y TO H3R L41R!

TEREZI: W1LL TH3 POUNC3LLOR M3R3LY TOY W1TH TH3 DR4GON'S BL4CK 4FF3CT1ONS WH1L3 R3M41N1NG LOY4L TO TH3 PR1NC3SS? OR 4R3 H3R F33L1NGS FOR TH3 B34ST G3NU1N3?

VRISKA: Oh my godddddddd...

NEPETA: :33 < hmm... rose, can your guy shapeshift me?

ROSE: Given a live sacrifice of appropriate “narrative weight,” the wizard *could* transform the pouncellor into a dragon. However, he is willing to take so drastic a step only for the sake of true hate or love - not merely to avoid a confrontation.

TEREZI: LOOKS L1K3 YOU'LL N33D TO B34T BOTH TH3 W1Z4RD *4ND* TH3 DR4GON'S P3RC3PT1ON CH3CKS 1F TH3 POUNC3LLOR 1NT3NDS TO TR1FL3 W1TH TH3 B34ST’S STR4NG3 BLOODL3SS H34RT! 1S TH3 LOY4L 4DV1S3R TO TH3 QU33N OF TH3 C4TK1N D3V1OUS 3NOUGH TO D3C31V3 3V3N H3R FR13NDS 1N SUCH 4 W4Y?

NEPETA: :33 < the pouncellor’s intentions are pure! it is her heartfelt intention to capture the dragon’s bloodpusher, which i assume is in a box somewhere nearby, and carve her name into it!

TEREZI: THE DR4GON WOULD B3 D33PLY MOV3D COULD SH3 H34R TH1S!

NEPETA: :33 < - but the dragon did kidnap the princess, so maybe the shape-shift step isn’t even necessary? i don't know, how big actually is the dragon?

TEREZI: 4NT1C1P4T1NG SUCH 4 CONC3RN, 1 H4V3 PR3P4R3D 4 D3T41L3D 1M4G3 SHOW1NG SC4L3

VRISKA: OH MY GOD I AM LEAVING

ROSE: The wizard is fully prepared to sacrifice the Marquise for this scheme. Or really, pretty much any scheme.

VRISKA: The HELL he will!!!!!!!!

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tfw you accidentally start shipping two characters in your ofic in ways that fuck up plot shit

"these are my own characters, I don't have to write them this way, I can alter their character traits -"

"NOT ANYMORE YOU CAN'T"

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Relatedly, the other night I dreamed that Caliborn had created a creepy glitchy puppet-dimension with The Power Of His Artist Soul, populated by living cloth puppets of various characters/real people which did his bidding.

The puppets didn't necessarily like it, and maintained some character traits of the people they were formed after, but were definitely not those people and were not able to disobey Caliborn. Very few of the puppets were Homestuck characters - there was I think a Yukio Mishima one? And most of the SDR2 cast, which makes more sense.

But he did have a puppet version of Andrew Hussie. He had sex with the Hussie puppet.

me upon waking: ...the guy did pretty much bring this upon himself.