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because some of it relies on Tumblr-reblog formatting and I have been too tired to convert it, upload the images to my own server, etc. So if you want to know every time I lose my shit about fake health facts and cruel video games, you may want to go over there.
In the interests of having some exclusive content over here, too, I will tell a story about my tiny dog. I have a tiny dog now. I found her at the school - someone had dumped her there with an injured leg and her ribs showing. So, she lives here now, and if I ever find out who did that I will injure them. She's good at calming down Dad's big neurotic dog, and likes to sit quivering in people's laps and look at them with wide trembling brown eyes.
However, she is still not full-grown, and still likes to chew things she shouldn't. She ruined my one good pair of flats, Mom's favorite slippers, Dad's sneakers, and somehow a dog bed that weighs more than she does.
As a result, Mom and Dad got her some toys. One of them was a white stuffed yeti that squeaks. Being a determined and inquisitive tiny dog, she decided that she had to get at the squeaky thing and put a stop to its plans once and for all.
The thing is that the squeaky thing, which is a little rubber ball, was sewn in place with bright red thread. This had to have been intentional on the manufacturer's part. I'll be walking through the living room, see a little white thing, and go "oh my god someone's killed a white cat - oh, never mind, it's just the yeti." She's carried some bits of the toy's filling to corners and stuff, and I'll see those, think they're feathers, go, "oh my god someone's killed a white bird - oh, never mind, it's just the yeti."
Yesterday she finally succeeded in entirely removing the squeaky ball from the yeti's body, all covered in red thread like fresh blood, tearing out its heart. In a wild display of triumph, she ripped off her doggy sweater, and moved a pillow off Mom and Dad's bed to sit on like a queen. She then started shivering and tried to climb inside my sleeve, because she doesn't have enough body mass to keep herself warm in cold weather.
Me, cleaning up the yeti guts: Well, at least that fluff's not from the pillow.
My dog has killed the last yeti, and I find this preferable to most of the alternatives.
In the interests of having some exclusive content over here, too, I will tell a story about my tiny dog. I have a tiny dog now. I found her at the school - someone had dumped her there with an injured leg and her ribs showing. So, she lives here now, and if I ever find out who did that I will injure them. She's good at calming down Dad's big neurotic dog, and likes to sit quivering in people's laps and look at them with wide trembling brown eyes.
However, she is still not full-grown, and still likes to chew things she shouldn't. She ruined my one good pair of flats, Mom's favorite slippers, Dad's sneakers, and somehow a dog bed that weighs more than she does.
As a result, Mom and Dad got her some toys. One of them was a white stuffed yeti that squeaks. Being a determined and inquisitive tiny dog, she decided that she had to get at the squeaky thing and put a stop to its plans once and for all.
The thing is that the squeaky thing, which is a little rubber ball, was sewn in place with bright red thread. This had to have been intentional on the manufacturer's part. I'll be walking through the living room, see a little white thing, and go "oh my god someone's killed a white cat - oh, never mind, it's just the yeti." She's carried some bits of the toy's filling to corners and stuff, and I'll see those, think they're feathers, go, "oh my god someone's killed a white bird - oh, never mind, it's just the yeti."
Yesterday she finally succeeded in entirely removing the squeaky ball from the yeti's body, all covered in red thread like fresh blood, tearing out its heart. In a wild display of triumph, she ripped off her doggy sweater, and moved a pillow off Mom and Dad's bed to sit on like a queen. She then started shivering and tried to climb inside my sleeve, because she doesn't have enough body mass to keep herself warm in cold weather.
Me, cleaning up the yeti guts: Well, at least that fluff's not from the pillow.
My dog has killed the last yeti, and I find this preferable to most of the alternatives.
