Men and women who have been in a warzone describe it as long stretches of boredom punctured by short bursts of action. Ford Fest 2014 was hardly Da Nang, but it was slow, it was hot, it was tense, and it was confusing. It was sometimes pitiful and largely absurd. It was a lot of waiting broken up by emotion and violence. It was a whole lot of ordinary people looking for a free burger, undercut by an angry, pushed-to-the-edge faction.
This is open to anything, including joke songs, avant-garde songs that might secretly be jokes, etc. The only nominees I don't want are songs that you only dislike because you have completely personal bad associations, like that it was playing when your true love dumped you. They should be annoying because of inherent qualities in the song itself. Though being relentlessly over-played can add to the horror. You may make several nominations.
Yes, I am aware of Dave Barry's "Bad Songs" column. It's one of my all-time favorites.
I will start off the race to the bottom with a song that makes me want to rip my ears off every year, I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus. Also They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha Ha, which I believe has been scientifically proven to induce psychosis. In me, anyway.
--I just emailed a draft of a very short (~2600 words) Newsflesh fic to wildpear, which I guess means I'm sure enough of having it ready in time that I should actually go claim the relevant prompt at at smallfandomfest.
--genusshrike's summary of My Love Story!! vol. 1 charms me and I want to keep it forever: "My Love Story!! (not giving up the exclamation marks) is about a real macho boy who wants to fall in love but all his crushes fall for his much prettier best friend ;_; Then he helps a girl at the train station and she tracks him down and woos him with cake! He assumes she's interested in his friend, but she is so sweet, and her cake is so delicious ;_; It's actually very low drama."
--I think I heard about Eliza Rickman from people talking about her being the weather (how the heck do you phrase that? O_o) on Welcome to Night Vale, and I just picked up her album from Bandcamp and backed her Kickstarter for both a second album and a covers album.
We're disappointed by Nickelodeon's decision not to air the rest of season three of Legend of Korra. This season has been so very, very good, especially when compared to the previous two seasons. They'll apparently be posting the remaining episodes online, but we don't know when. They currently have only the first five episodes (out of seven aired) on the website.
I need to start the laundry today. We're going to be spending most of tomorrow with Scott's family to celebrate our brother-in-law's birthday. We're hoping that the weather will be nice enough for boating. If it is, I'll have some time on my own to write because I don't go out on the boat. If it isn't, I'll be socializing with the family all afternoon.
So it's the weekend! Awesome! Saturday is the day to Pimp Your Thing. Thing defined as: community, RP, meetup, askblog, participant-critical endeavors of that ilk. A link and a brief description are great! Or, if you're just sounding out interest, that's cool too.
Also, we are rolling out a new feature today! It is called: This week on Dreamwidthbubble.
( This week on Dreamwidthbubble ) If you would like to pad out the list by contributing more stuff to the last week's posts, I absolutely encourage you to do so! If you want to solicit friendships by inviting the whole class to your birthday party on this post, I absolutely encourage that as well. Love and equality, folks, that's what we're about.
Book Sponsor Review Status Max Gladstone's Trilogy Kithrup/ S Foraging* Seth Ellis icecreamempress Riddlemaster of Hed Tavella T Acquired KJ Parker's Scavenger Connatic S Acquired ? Geraldine Harris's Seven Citadels quartet Yhlee T Foraging
A memory jog now might an idea
* The handy "check to see if a store in your area has a copy" button on the Chapters site is no longer visible but as it turns out no local store has it.
S = Sponsored
T = Tears
R = Rediscovery
Leave me a FL username in comments; I have five now and will have more in a week (Panthers who gestate in dreams have very short pregnancies).
( The comic itself is spoiler-free, but spoilers for ep 2 in here )
If you have a brilliant character insight strike you at two AM or get an persistent art-bug stuck on you or want WIP feedback but oh no it's Thursday, go ahead and comment on that week's Character Discussion or Doodle or WIP Wednesday or whatever post! You just came up with a new OC who has like the most wicked typing quirk ever and you want to show them off but it's Sunday? That's cool, the Thursday OCs post is still around and accepting of your awesome fantrolls.
The more people participating, the more happening and fun this community is for everyone, so don't be afraid to post*.
*Any of my posts you comment on may expose you to enthusiastic yelling. Sorry for the excited capslock in advance.
I picked up my car, left the dealership to run an errand and then head back to work, and then two businesses away from my dealership, *bam* suddenly there's a big pickup truck smashed into the driver's side of the front of my car.
That road is two lanes in each direction plus a turning lane, you see, and I was in the outside lane. The person on my left, in the inside lane, waved the pickup across to turn into the Wendy's (at least that's what the pickup driver said, and it does make sense), but the pickup driver didn't see me in the next lane over.
I'm fine—it was a low-speed collision since the pickup driver was starting from a stop and I wasn't going that fast because there was traffic on the road. No airbag deployment, no bruises, though I'm feeling a bit achy (this is doubtless exacerbated by the stress). Hell of an adrenaline comedown, though.
After the police came to fill out an accident report, I managed to get my car back down the street to my dealer's—just barely, as it turns out, because when the people at the dealership started it up again to put it where they needed it, they had a lot of trouble keeping it running. (The pickup driver followed me to make sure I got there okay. They were driving a work vehicle and I hope they don't get in too much trouble solely over this—they made a mistake, no question, but for me it's a very "there but for the grace of something" kind of mistake, and they were very polite to me.) And hey, at least I didn't need a tow since I was so close . . . though you bet I regret the money spent on the hood, now.
So it's in the hands of the insurance companies, now. I strongly suspect it's going to be totaled, because it's a 2003 Prius with 138,000 miles on it, and, well, take a look:
( my poor smashed car )
I'm honestly a little bummed at the prospect. We've been putting money away for a new car, because mine's old and Chad's has had persistent electrical problems, so financially we'll be okay, but darn it, I was hoping to get at least 150K out of it just to say I had, you know? It's my first car, it fits me like a glove, and I think it probably could've gone for considerably longer if it weren't for this.
Anyway. If it's fixable, great, and if it's not, then I'll get a shiny Prius C out of it.
We made it. We found love in a butt rock place and hate at the top of the charts; we fell in love in sickness and health but mostly in sickness, we played Knausgaard bingo, we took stock of our handbags, and we baked a Roman nut tart that called for… fish sauce. We had a personal revelation (although not the one I would have chosen) and celebrated Prince George turning one. We dated women in Paris and re-watched It Happened One Night and read Blake Lively's website for approximately five minutes. We were lonely, we refused to wiggle, we turned 40.
And now it's weekend time! Have a good one.
Photo via LC Nottaasen/Flickr
What they think I am:
Female, Mid 30’sThey got 2 out of 5.
Here is our best guess at who you are:
1. You are female.
2. You are currently in your mid thirties.
3. You have a great job that you don't necessarily appreciate as much as you should. You do, however, appreciate the great life partner that you have and your caring friends.
4. You have short blonde hair, gray eyes and a naturally tan skin tone.
5. You have 2 kids. Currently thinking whether or not to have a third one.
I fell in love because of butt-rock.
Allow me to tell the tale of how I stopped giving a damn about everyone's beard-strokey, sophisticated tastes in music and found the man of my dreams thanks to Def Leppard and Skid Row and Poison and Mötley Crüe (superfluous umlauts and all); also, Guns-N-Roses, Great White, Damn Yankees, Warrant, Bon Jovi, Cinderella, Slaughter, Queensrÿche (there's that umlaut again), Scorpions and Metallica.
I'm in love. On a glory night. Where the children of tomorrow share their dreams. With you and me. And nothing else matters.
To rewind a bit: I met my boyfriend on assignment for an alt-weekly Portland newspaper. The idea was to throw myself into the online dating scene and write about my adventures for the Valentine's Day issue. To rewind a bit more: I’d recently moved to the Pacific Northwest after a split with my partner of four years, and so I took the job with a shrug and a scowl. My breakup, while remarkably amicable, left me heart-sore and well past cynical. True love? A joke.
Anyway, in the past, love always had always hit me hardest on the funny bone. It was too mushy to be taken seriously. My previous partner rarely said he loved me without following up his declaration with a joke and a fart, or a joke about farts. I thought sentiment was for the stupid, for the dim bulbs who didn't know better; I thought romantic comedies were a lie, love songs just fluff radio filler at best and salt in a wound at worst. “Happy in love” spelled “borderline sex addict.”
And by this year I felt myself a jaded spinster and determined to stay that way. But I was also a journalist with an article to write, so, comforted by the fact that I could always cancel my account at a moment's notice, I created a Match.com profile. Like everyone else, I posted flattering pictures of myself. I wrote pithy captions underneath said photos. I hit a button and mumbled at the screen, “Here goes absolutely nothing.”
Cyberspace seemed eager to validate my preconceived notions. Soon my inbox was full of oddly worded missives from the land of the weird: long-haul truckers wanting a ride-along, bikers in search of a bitch, spiritual types who hoped we could “meld” together. I got a flurry of unsolicited dick pics from an HVAC repairman. One dude asked if I would like to meet his mother before I'd even met him. I started to shudder every time I logged on.
Then, a week into the experiment, Eric, a divorced father of three, sent me a polite message. His profile picture showed a handsome man with beautiful blue eyes and a sweet smile. He looked cute. He looked normal. Or, at the very least, not homicidal. With my deadline approaching, I agreed to meet him in a few days for bowling and beer.
It seems so ugly now that I thought about him only in terms of material. I’m cynical, but I don’t get much more cynical than that.
It's hard to say when he stopped being material and started being someone I wanted to know better. Maybe it was halfway through his second terrible bowling game. A former Marine with a great physique, he somehow couldn't throw a strike to save his life. Or it could have been when he talked about his kids, how he talked about them, with a mixture of pride and exasperation and unconditional love. Either way, we left the bowling alley behind for a local pool hall, where, much to my chagrin, the jukebox seemed stuck in a never ending cycle of butt-rock love ballads.
“Kill me now,” I growled, as the syrupy strains of “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” began to leak from speakers above our heads. “Just put me out of my misery.”
While I smirked the smirk of the hardened snob, Eric grinned and said guilelessly that it was his favorite song.
“Really?” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Oh my God, yes.”
“You like Poison?”
“They're awesome,” he said.
“You mean in a 'nostalgia for your lost youth' sort of way? Not in a 'they're actually good musicians' way. Like sometimes you need a break from the Decemberists, right?”
“Who're the Decemberists?”
I couldn't believe it. I'd somehow met the only man in Portland, Oregon who had never heard of Colin Meloy, let alone made “Crane Wife” his ring tone. An alarm bell went off in my head. I was used to dating men with music tastes that were consciously “impeccable.” My last boyfriend lived on a steady diet of Miles Davis, Belle and Sebastian, Joni Mitchell, Wilco, Nick Drake, Nina Simone, and the Grateful Dead. Then again, that relationship had ended in tears.
I drowned all my doubts in more beer and agreed to spend the next evening at Eric's place, listening to ‘80s hair metal. He'd play DJ. He'd show me just how awesome Poison really was. All I needed to do was show up.
“It'll be fun,” he said. “Trust me.”
I was still thinking about material. I was never trusting a man again.
“Sure,” I said. “It'll be fun.”
Butt rock is sincere as hell, the place where irony came to die. Sure, the studs who wrote them did so to get in girls' tight, animal-print pants, but the lyrics are straight-up romantic and unabashedly sentimental. They're sweet. They're also esoteric and contradictory and sometimes downright brainless. They can make your teeth hurt if you're not in the right mood.
The next night, I must have been in the right mood. We listened to ‘80s and ‘90s hair band love ballads and it was fun, sitting on Eric's couch and going from song to song, telling each other stories about where we were when we first heard “Cherry Pie” and “Livin' on a Prayer” and “Heaven.” We talked about first dances and first kisses and first times. We laughed our asses off.
At one point, still giggling, I said, “You don't believe any of this stuff, right?”
“This mushy love stuff. This longing stuff. The pining for The One stuff.” I laughed some more, but, for the first time all night, Eric grew serious.
“What's funny about love?” he asked.
I glanced at the attractive man sitting next to me. Chalk it up to a Def Leppard-inspired hysteria, to magical mysteria, to his eyes (the color of blue suburban skies), to a long dry spell I hoped would end very soon, but I started wondering if maybe love wasn't an illusion after all. I had the epiphany that laughing at love was, potentially, not a sign of intelligence or wide knowledge of the world but rather a defense mechanism used by the immature and weak to ward off hurt. I decided then and there, as Skid Row's “I Remember You” painted a picture of days gone by, to stop mocking love and start making it. With Eric. Immediately, if not sooner.
And thank Sebastian Bach I did. Six months with this boy and I no longer smirk at sentiment or gag at love songs. I walk around with a stupid grin on my face most days, amazed at how lucky I am to have found true love just when I'd grown convinced such a thing did not exist. They say you can't change a person, but Eric has changed me. I am no longer cynical. I believe in things again. Now, when I laugh it's with joy, not bitterness.
To paraphrase Axl Rose, there were times when I wasn't sure. Eric and I met when we were still very much on the rebound. And that wasn't the only challenge. At 37, I'm the not-so-proud owner of a throbbing womb. Eric is an over-worked single dad, not eager to reproduce again anytime soon. I'm a writer and a reader; he's an engineer who prefers video games to Vladimir Nabokov. I'm a pinko commie; he's allergic to politics. From the outside, we look oddly matched, but he's set my mind at ease. He's the kindest, most genuine man I've ever met. He's also smart and funny and hot. He makes me think. He makes me laugh. He turns me on.
It's like Heaven or something. I know, no matter what our friends might say, we'll find a way. And it’s all because of butt rock. Because I've met a man who takes love seriously. For the first time in years, I'm with someone who doesn't mock what we have together. Of course a love of “Love Bites” doesn’t immediately equate an ability to open up, to be vulnerable with another human being, and of course “sophisticated” music taste doesn’t equate an unhealthy dependence on romance-killing irony. But that's how it's played out for me. Eric tells me he loves me almost every day, and he refuses to turn it into a joke. Everywhere I look, flowers bloom in my name.
So, ladies, all you single ladies, believe me when I (and the guys from Tesla) say that love is all around you. Love is knockin' outside your door. If the dude knockin' confesses to a weakness for Warrant or Whitesnake or Bon Jovi, don't judge him harshly. Let him in. Invite him into your house and your heart. Give him a VIP pass to your secret garden, whatever that is. If he likes Beyoncé and the Boss too, that's just a bonus.
Never say goodbye. Never let him go.
Deborah Kennedy recently earned an MFA in fiction writing from the University of Iowa Writers' Workshop. Her work has appeared in Third Coast Magazine, Sou'wester, The North American Review, and Salon. Originally from Fort Wayne, Indiana, Deborah currently lives with her mother and obese Chow mix in Portland, Oregon. Names have been changed to protect all those libeled, slammed or otherwise dissed in the angst-ridden pages of her diary.0 Comments
Got some demon hunters chasing down hell spawns? Or maybe they're in a contract? Perhaps we've got centaurs, harpies, and mermaids running around. Flower fairies? Boogey Men? Dragons? Anything and everything can happen when you add a little magic flair to the mix!
Some prompts to help push the theme~
( Don't Forget! )