snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
Snarp ([personal profile] snarp) wrote2012-12-08 08:25 pm

Makeup is basically a racket, did you know that?

I googled "wholesale mineral cosmetics" to see how much it would cost to actually assemble a Dwarf Fortress eyeshadow line - I'm not going to, but the answer is, "less than $200." This place, which was the first thing that showed up on Google, will sell you a 1-oz bag of eyeshadow for $11, and they've got the little sifter jars for $25 for 100. I could get the labels printed up at a place in town for $50, and then all that remains is to set up an Etsy storefront with a super-classy logo:

BADGER SOW IS NO LONGER ENRAGED COSMETICS: CAUSE WHAT ARE YOU DOING BUYING COSMETICS IF THE BADGER SOW IS STILL ENRAGED, I MEAN COME ON

I found this website advertising its makeup as "gluten-free." Oh, yeah? Well my mineral foundation is 100% guaranteed not to contain the fat of unbaptized infants. No other line of cosmetics makes that particular promise. That means I win.

BADGER SOW IS NO LONGER ENRAGED COSMETICS: 100% HAUNTING DUST FREE, HAND-BLENDED BY ALIVE HANDS STILL ATTACHED TO PEOPLE, NOT SEVERED ONES REANIMATED BY NECROMANCERS

What I'm trying to say is that makeup doesn't ordinarily have any goddamn gluten in it. It's not a banana muffin.

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