My cat thinks that he is a therapy cat.

[snarp]

He comes running whenever he thinks I'm stressed out. He's not really competent for the job, though. For example, he thinks that running water is a sign of emotional stress! It's clearly self-destructive behavior - he would never turn on a faucet or take a shower, he knows better.

He feels similarly about coding or writing fanfic, but he's probably mostly right about that.

He also thinks that sinking his claws into a human is how you calm them down. I know he's just trying to knead, but I'm neither wearing a thick coat of fur nor producing milk, and he's an unusually pointy cat - seriously, razor-sharp. I suspect I'm going to end up with at least one scar on my stomach as a result of his efforts to heal my wounded soul on Saturday. Cut for slightly gross:

I was already half-asleep for the evening when he applied this treatment, and I didn't get it disinfected and bandaged properly. So the cut got infected, and the edges of the big band-aid dug into my skin in the night and left a blister (due to the band-aid being old? due to contact with the electric blanket?). The blister then also got infected. The cut's only now closing up, five days later, and the blister's still in the process of scabbing over.