I'm too stupid to watch cartoons, I have to read instead.

[snarp]

Every time I think I'm feeling better, I try to watch something on TV - or, okay, usually on Crunchyroll, whatever. And every time, I cannot fucking make it more than eight or nine minutes without needing to stop. My eyes won't focus, I can't follow the dialog, I get anxious, and sometimes my head starts hurting.

I've got some stuff I want to watch on YouTube bookmarked, and I keep looking at the YouTube icon, hesitating, and going, "no, I don't feel up to this right now."

The hallucinations and wordsalad interjections into my train of thought are gone now, but those honestly were not as big a problem. Those were things that I could recognize as intrusions and sort of wait out. The inability to adequately process certain common types of visual and auditory stimuli is much more frustrating.

Can't I negotiate a fucking trade? Brain, I'll give you thirty minutes of incoherent prattle a day in exchange for the ability to watch thirty minutes of television without needing multiple breaks. Let's get this thing done.

Comments

[yeloson]

Aiyah. This has been my experience with the chemo therapy I'm getting. I tried watching cartoons and 10 minutes was just too much for me.

Pretty much the only media I could reliably go with is music. and now that my brain is clearing up, we'll see how much focus I get this week before I go in on the next round...

[snarp]

Urrrgh. You know, you're going through enough other shit that it's really unfair the chemo's messing your head up, too. I hope it fades out quickly.