*Flings self from Thanksgiving in disgust.*

[snarp]

I ate some bread and a piece of Tofurkey, and was fine. Then I ate a piece of pie, and then I had to lie down for a while feeling sick and too hot.

I should have been able to eat two pieces of pie. Eating two pieces of pie is what this holiday is all about, when you subtract the ahistorical racist stuff anyway. My present physical condition is a gross impingement upon my rights as an American.