screw this

me: So I think I have dysentery and am going to poop myself to death.

nurse I called on the phone from bed: I'm sorry, honey! That's really going around this week.

She told me to not eat for 24 hours and to drink all the world's Gatorade, because I was probably too dehydrated for just water. I could tell it was working when I started sweating again. I have a fever but I had stopped sweating, I was out of sweat.

I'm basically dead now

I leave all my problems to the internet. someone needs to trim my cat's nails and kill and eat Kentucky Senator Rand Paul