oh god

Sun, 13 Sep 2015 00:26:05 GMT

"haven't you ever been inside a hospital before???"

"no."

Greg definitely doesn't have Medicaid does he

can there please be an episode where Steven starts a GoFundMe or Patreon or something for Greg

and Dewey slips him onto the municipal health plan for washing the van once a week or something

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The answer was Magical Starsign.

Fri, 21 Mar 2014 17:49:51 GMT

It's probably a good sign for the future of Western civilization that the only person who knew what I was talking about is my younger sister, whom I forced to play the game, in order to traumatize her.

It's about these kids who are travelling around in space doing magic to rescue their magic teacher, and they're all named after food, and they collect gummy candies to power up their magic, and they've got to collect the MILLENNIUM GUMMIES from each planet in the solar system to save it from, something. Potentially diabetes.

And the nature of the magical gummies is not really addressed, and you figure it doesn't need to be, because it's a game about collecting candy on magical planets.

But then you fight the Gummy Girl. She comes out of a gummy reactor and her attacks are "Cling" and "Scream," and she asks you to kill her. Look at this wiki entry, look at it. Here's someone's LP of that fucking battle.

Body-horror gummy candy girl screaming and crying and asking to die. And you're not expecting this. There's a big magic tree called Yggsalad in the game, for Christ's sake.

And she's an optional boss, so if you miss her, you're unprepared later, when you can't get the Millennium Gummy associated with the cute cat people planet for some reason, and the cute cat girl who's been helping you commits suicide so her body can become the gummy, and you just quietly collect her like you did all the others. And then you finally find the lost teacher in the final dungeon, and it is too late, for she has already been gummified.

She still has a heartbeat, though! A big smiling worm is about to eat her.

It's like Fullmetal Alchemist, but the heroes were using the Philosopher's Stone all along. And it's gummy candy. Which they eat.

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Sun, 23 Jun 2013 23:04:34 GMT

Muting dumbasses on Tumblr gives me an irrational sense of accomplishment. Each Tumblr-mute brings me one step closer to achieving my dream - my beautiful dream of an internet without pictures of chihuahuas evaluating women's butts.

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I Am Completely Serious

oh god

The answer was Magical Starsign.