May. 25th, 2015

A dream

May. 25th, 2015 09:31 pm
ELF WIZARD KID IN A REALLY EARNEST YA NOVEL: We all need to work together as a team to defeat the giant eyeball from space!

EVERYONE ELSE: Can't, we are the cast of Cyteen. In an AU set in one of the flying orgy-castles on the Ringworld.

ELF WIZARD KID: Oh, no!

JOHN EGBERT: i'm here, too!

ELF WIZARD KID: Oh, good!

JOHN: but in this i'm a depressed azi belonging to ari 1, and my powers are just kind of... ambiguously pizza-based? :(

ELF WIZARD KID: Okay, this is all pretty bad, but I'm the protagonist and I'm sure that my book is going to have a happy ending, so I'm going to just summon the big eyeball to destroy us right now, which will force the narrative to come up with a deus ex machina!

ME, READING THIS NONEXISTENT YA NOVEL: Uh, wait, I just remembered that this book was the last in a three-book series which was originally about this wizard kid and two others time-travelling around and fighting a bad necromancer known for his habit of breaking the fourth wall and carelessly summoning monsters he can't control. Is this kid about to become the necromancer and form a time loop?

*Jake and Roxy show up with a spaceship and destroy the eyeball.*

ELF WIZARD KID: My plan to cause a deus ex machina worked! I'm the hero!

ROXY: john wtf stop being addicted to pizza which is in fact a dangerous drug

ME, READING THIS NONEXISTENT YA NOVEL: This series disappointed me and I'm going to blog angrily about it - oh, wait there's actually a fourth book I haven't read, better read that one first.

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