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I dreamed that a little boy was searching a video game for his father, and I was with him in the guise of the corgi who follows you around in Rift. He found his father, but he was moving around in ways that did not sync up to his walk animation, and the boy couldn't get close enough to him to hug him, and I kept losing small amounts of HP.

I finally realized that the animations and dialog for the "Find Father" sequence had somehow been applied to a Rare mob, a giant alligator with a distinctive movement pattern and AOE attack that I'd fought before. I had to kill it, presumably with some secret corgi jutsu, just as the boy was about to hug his "father." He dropped an alligator-tooth necklace that raised spell attack power.

Why was the alligator wearing an alligator tooth necklace, who knows.
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When you hit level 50, the city throws you a party, where you have to fight a big death-spider from another dimension and watch Uriel and Kira's marriage disintegrating. It's not a very good party. Adriana even doesn't even show up, I guess she's too busy being an Attack on Titan character up in Stillmoor.
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Studies have shown that, in 80% of lesbian divorces, one or both individuals state the grounds for divorce to be "evil space dragons."
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I am actually kind of invested in Uriel and Kira's relationship in RIFT? This would be less annoying if the quest-line wasn't so broken. I actually missed the big betrayal scene because it didn't play when it was supposed to.
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is running a low-level alt to a high-level crafting quest turn-in point. It's like playing a stealth game with a mysterious preoccupation with squirrels.
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Tumblr guesses: thegeekgene answered: Magical Starsign. arjache answered: Kingdom Hearts! mercurialmalcontent answered: Xenogears is the only thing that comes to mind but it has nothing to do with gummy candy rememberwhenyoutried answered: I have no idea but I want one nostalgebraist answered: the only thing that comes to mind is xenogears and i don’t think that’s it

Cute box art for a Nintendo DS game entitled Magical Starsign

It's probably a good sign for the future of Western civilization that the only person who knew what I was talking about is my younger sister, whom I forced to play the game, in order to traumatize her.

It's about these kids who are travelling around in space doing magic to rescue their magic teacher, and they're all named after food, and they collect gummy candies to power up their magic, and they've got to collect the MILLENNIUM GUMMIES from each planet in the solar system to save it from, something. Potentially diabetes.

And the nature of the magical gummies is not really addressed, and you figure it doesn't need to be, because it's a game about collecting candy on magical planets.

But then you fight the Gummy Girl. She comes out of a gummy reactor and her attacks are "Cling" and "Scream," and she asks you to kill her. Look at this wiki entry, look at it. Here's someone's LP of that fucking battle.

picture of girl made of gummy candy weeping as she is attacked by our heroes

Body-horror gummy candy girl screaming and crying and asking to die. And you're not expecting this. There's a big magic tree called Yggsalad in the game, for Christ's sake.

And she's an optional boss, so if you miss her, you're unprepared later, when you can't get the Millennium Gummy associated with the cute cat people planet for some reason, and the cute cat girl who's been helping you commits suicide so her body can become the gummy, and you just quietly collect her like you did all the others. And then you finally find the lost teacher in the final dungeon, and it is too late, for she has already been gummified.

She still has a heartbeat, though! A big smiling worm is about to eat her.

It's like Fullmetal Alchemist, but the heroes were using the Philosopher's Stone all along. And it's gummy candy. Which they eat.
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What am I describing when I say "Soylent Green gummy candy JRPG?"

Don't look it up! This is a serious demographic survey that's taking place, here.

Man, SDR2.

Feb. 2nd, 2014 08:48 pm
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Stop making me like the whiny Katekyoh Hitman Reborn-reference character. I planned to dislike that guy on principle! Don't do this to me!
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(I'm calling unpleasant male fans of anything bronies now. Heinlein bronies and Civil war bronies and etc.)

There are people on SA upset that the SDR2 kids don't have "strong motives" like the SDR kids. Here, let me translate that for you: "The characters in this game are on average smarter, nicer, and less cynical than the ones in the last one, so they're not as cool with casually murdering each other." Let me abbreviate that for you: "This game is somehow too mature for me, and by the way where can I find sexy fanart of dead teenaged girls."

That it is possible for SDR2 to be too thoughtful for someone over the age of fifteen makes my head hurt. It's a Battle Royale/Phoenix Wright crossover, grow up five minutes' worth and you'll get over it.

The first game would not have succeeded the way it did if it had had this cast of characters, because the first game succeeded largely on the basis of shock value. This is not entirely a bad thing! Because the shock did not come primarily from the violence itself, but from the disdain that the game leveled at the tropes it was making use of.

You could imagine these guys sitting there brainstorming like, "god, I hate people who draw fanart of Mia Faye with her boobs even bigger. Can we hurt their feelings?" "I cannot believe people actually like Kristoph fucking Gavin, I want to make them uncomfortable with their life choices."

So no one should have expected the second game to feature an exact fucking clone of the social dynamics in the first one. The creators of SDR are a contrary bunch of dudes who do not actually like their fans. The chances that they were going to pack the sequel with hardcore-unrelateable psychopaths, exactly like they did the first game, were always nil.

Be grateful that you got Saionji and Sekuhara-Chef and sit down, you big babies.
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N from Pokemon Black/White's full name is "Natural Harmonia Gropius."
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A vampire killed someone, accused someone else of being the culprit, and was immediately identified because she never ate, drank, or slept. I had the sheriff put her in jail.

Shortly after, while still in jail, the vampire was elected mayor. The sheriff was simultaneously un-elected and her position left vacant. I am beginning to suspect these dwarves of being closeted Americans.

I put the sheriff back in office, and made sure I'd blocked off the vampire mayor's cell so no one could let her out. She started issuing annoying manufacturing mandates from jail. The pants are fine, I was going to make some pants anyway, but this fortress has no use for catapult parts.
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She called a little while to complain that I had made her sad.

"This needs to stop now! It's unacceptable! Snowe needs hugs and cocoa!"

I don't know why she even listens to me when I recommend stuff to her, last time I recced her something it was Homestuck, aka "Dorky Kids Get Repeatedly Physically And Psychologically Tortured But It's Funny So You Keep Reading And Then You Are Up At 3:46 AM Crying About Pretend Alien Lesbians."
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When a Baron or Baroness goes mad, they stop being a Baron or Baroness. This happens unfortunately easily, even if you've been filling all mandates promptly and given them much nicer quarters than they technically need.

I lost mine because the Mayor got upset (Facebook killed her husband or something) and I put some more stuff in her rooms to cheer her up. This worked, but had the regrettable side effect of bringing the value of the Mayor's room up higher than that of the Baroness's.

By the time I realized that something was wrong, the mad ex-Baroness was standing outside the Mayor's office surrounded by her own discarded garments, naked and dehydrated. In my defense, the Mayor hadn't noticed anything strange, either.


- me being helpful on Reddit
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Dwarf Fortress succession game fic. Characters trying to figure out the controls, freaking out about the more violent game mechanics, flooding one another's tombs, and creating massive monuments to themselves! It is perfect.
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I thought Final Fantasy VI was so great when I was ten. Why did I have to be wrong.

This is such a ridiculous game. Locke's angst and Terra's backstory and - everyone's backstory is stupid! Shadow's backstory, god, that's so awful. Pretty much every obnoxious persnickety thing you have to do to keep Shadow permanently is also awful. And there's Celes and Locke's idiotic romance, and the timeskip, and everyone's stupid behavior, and Setzer as a basic concept.

Chrono Trigger is still perfect, though.
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"Besides, our eyes are on the front of our faces so we can always face forward into the future!"

See, I haven't read much of Doraemon, but even I recognize that line. Is Monobear just quoting that series constantly, and I'm not noticing it? I wonder if the voice actress developed some pent-up frustration voicing that cat for so many years.
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Chrono - Heir of Time. His name's Chrono and he's associated with death, so yeah, he's got to be the Time player. He's the Heir because Heirs do what girls tell them.

Lucca - Mage of Light. She talks a lot, knows things, and is the girl who bosses the passive hero around. Clearly a Light player! She's a mage because she's an offensive caster type, and because I think the outfit would look cool on her.

Marle - Seer of Life. Life players are always Princesses, so let's assume the converse is also true. She's a Seer because she's the first one to see and understand what's happening and what they need to do.

Frog - Knight of Hope. Obviously the dude is a Knight. He's Hope because Magus is Doom and that's funny. Also, he's destined to fight the Dark Lord, but it doesn't work out the way he expects.

Robo - Prince of Void. He's spent most of his existence alone and unconscious in a near-empty, dying world, and he'll choose to make said void-y world cease to exist. (You could argue for Space for him, since he's a gardener, but I think it fits better with Ayla.)

Ayla - Rogue of Space. She's associated with green things and with rebirth after terrible destruction. She steals stuff, but I think she'd look cooler in the Rogue outfit than the Thief one, and anyway she also let the Gate Key get stolen.

Magus - Bard of Doom. He helps to destroy the doom-y thing, but kind of passively and ass-backwards, and while wearing a fucking codpiece. Oh, Magus, you are my favorite sullen inept villain who fails at everything.
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The game is definitely a joke. It is trolling you and you are allowing it to do so. Stop liking this game, your opinions are wrong, you should like something I like instead.

I know, you can like 7 Seeds and Hayate x Blade instead! 7 Seeds is like Homestuck if it went grimdark, and Hayate x Blade is like Ouran High School Host Club but all-lesbian and with swordfights. These things are relevant to your interests.
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I'm pretty sure it's just a really elaborate prank.

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The contents of this blog and all comments I make are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike License. I hope that name is long enough. I could add some stuff. It could also be a Bring Me A Sandwich License.

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