I'd be surprised if anyone was awaiting my opinion on Gay Slavefic [Lymond Chronicles|Mary Renault Book] before wading in there, but it does its thing pretty well! I bless your endeavor.

I am sleep-deprived and read the first two books in about six hours today, in between fits of stunned incoherent torpor, and other fits of impatient banging on the keyboard working on the amazing Dwarf Fortress lesbian romance novel idea I came up with sometime in the carnivorous insomniac mists of the past few days. It's about girl-version Cacame Apebald, but it's the future, so the dwarves have mecha and the elves have genetically engineered trees such that they are mean. It is my best silly concept ever and I will definitely finish it well before the fever I apparently have breaks. I'm leaving room for the possibility is that I will instead pass the fuck out in a pile of cat litter during this timeframe, but that's an equally productive course of action.

I'm pretty sure that noise outside is villains and not just a branch so I'm going to go lock myself in my room or some shit.
DORFWARDEN: hey gorim do you have any jewelry that is like nugs

DORFWARDEN: like a ring with a fucking nug on there

GORIM: Well, let’s see…

DORFWARDEN: i think you need to give humans you’re gonna marry rings is the thing it needs to be a really good nug ring

WYNNE: Are you genuinely planning to propose to that young woman with a ring with a nug engraving?

DORFWARDEN: fuck you wynne she likes nugs and this shit is romantic as BALLS

SHALE: As the recognized expert at mortal romance that I am, I approve of this plan. It will certainly lead to many fleshy squishy noises that will make Alistair sad.

GORIM: I’m sorry, my Lady Aeducan, but it doesn’t look like we’ve got any. We have a lot of these elephants in fetal positions, however - if you’ll be in town for a few days, we could get one altered?

DORFWARDEN: okay lemme see those

Jan. 9th, 2015 07:48 pm
Dwarf Fortress screenshot showing the text 'A kea has stolen a pecan wood stepladder! A kea has stolen a sand pear wood stepladder!'

fucking keas

they think they can do whatever they want.
1) Buying the cheapest electric kettle means the water can taste a little plastic-y. This can be addressed by, each time you use it, dumping any leftover water from last time into a glass, and putting in fresh water.

And then the old water can be re-used the next time - letting it air out for a while gets rid of the plastic smell/taste.

I don’t know why!

2) I ordered this sweater on eBay in gray; it showed up Halloween-orange. This problem cannot be addressed by airing the sweater out, so I’m hassling an eBay vendor for a refund yet again.

Also, the branch is just painted on there and is definitely going to start peeling off. Sometimes there is no excuse for my cheapness.

3) Am manufacturing certain of my Christmukkougatsu Solstice gifts using raw materials purchased inexpensively online. This is actually going pretty well, I think.

I didn’t go so far as to buy a bunch of mica and stuff and try to duplicate the boutique mineral cosmetics elongated-tito wants, though I did think about it. I could have used the extra components to start my Dwarf Fortress makeup line.
plus the Dwarf Fortress one. This allows me to play a fun game with the thread titles, which I call "Magma... Or Methamphetamine Precursors?"

Try it, it's fun - see if you can guess which threads are about buying drugs online using pretend internet money, and which are about dead ASCII dwarves!

So are you saying that this is meaningless.....?

Possible to get serious effects?

A l'eau, c'est l'heur!

samesamebutdifferent?

A new alternative BMR.

Post by Defcon - All may not be lost

For his only kill, that's pretty damn good.

Inigo bites the dust?

Elves interfering with your construction plans? More likely than you think...

Cant access market place.

Will be streaming for a few hours.. perhaps more. Come in and chill.

High savagery embark felt too easy, suggestions?

silly question about security

Price not what the title says?

Prolems with terabithia

Not trying to scare monger, but I can't withdraw my coins.

just breached the circus for the first time

Flying Dutchman not responding to my message?

Armor layers, Necromancers

Best shroom vendor?

It's just a flesh wound...

Tumbling methods other than fog?

Refuse stockpiles broken?

[MASTERWORK] - Fundraiser Update #3
A vampire killed someone, accused someone else of being the culprit, and was immediately identified because she never ate, drank, or slept. I had the sheriff put her in jail.

Shortly after, while still in jail, the vampire was elected mayor. The sheriff was simultaneously un-elected and her position left vacant. I am beginning to suspect these dwarves of being closeted Americans.

I put the sheriff back in office, and made sure I'd blocked off the vampire mayor's cell so no one could let her out. She started issuing annoying manufacturing mandates from jail. The pants are fine, I was going to make some pants anyway, but this fortress has no use for catapult parts.
I think I dream exclusively in Dwarf Fortress format now. Tilesets are optional, digging too deep and too greedily is not.
From james_nicoll:

Rob Ford goes berserk

Toronto City Council broke into chaos Monday afternoon after Mayor Rob Ford seemingly charged towards a spectator in the galley, knocking over a city councillor in the process, after his brother Doug Ford screamed "scumbags" at the public.

The mayor took off running after his brother got into a verbal argument with the crowd, hitting Councillor Pam McConnell, knocking her backwards, before catching her and helping her steady herself.


Me: I think Toronto is actually somebody's Dwarf Fortress session, as this is a common problem with my dwarven mayors. We'll know know for sure if Ford takes off all his clothes and runs gibbering into the very teeth of a goblin invasion, but I'd advise Toronto to cast him down into the unexplored caverns which lie below it before things get to that point. More efficient use of resources.

And if no vast unexplored caverns happen to lie beneath Toronto, then, well, that's an example of poor urban planning, right there.

Someone Else: There are indeed vast caverns beneath Toronto, but they're mostly pretty well documented.

And human-built, too, if memory serves.

Me: Dig deeper, and more greedily.

Another problem I'm seeing is that they chose a mayor with a really inconvenient material preference. Cocaine is an import item, and it's not cheap! This could have been avoided had the city chosen to elect a pot-smoking or alcoholic mayor, given that both of those products can be produced locally, and at minimal cost.

It might also have helped to make certain that his tables, chairs, and weapon racks were made of his favorite sort of wood/metal and adorned with his preferred jewels, that he always had a supply of his favorite food easily available, and that caged animals of which he was fond were placed where he could easily see them.

That is, if he wasn't a mosquitomen kind of guy! I don't think those are local, either.

And this should be obvious, but your mayor should always be kept indoors, well away from sunlight and rain.
Gave in and took kratom, headache + liberal rage subsiding for first time in like three fucking days.

You may not think that the latter is a good thing, but when you wake up in the middle of the night because you got really mad at your senators in your sleep and your brain decided you needed to wake up to properly admire your own hissy fit, it's my opinion that you're liberal-raging slightly too hard. Also, probably playing too much Dwarf Fortress.

Blogger Snarp 'Completely' Serious cancels Sleep. Reason: Throwing tantrum about Kentucky.
In the Homestuck fanfic I will not write wherein The Game just turns out to be Dwarf Fortress, Kankri is an elf. Probably Karkat, too? Yeah, he is hiding his elfdom. He wears a fake beard and slouches.

I guess Terezi is the Sheriff and Gamzee is her Hammerer, and that doesn't go well.
When a Baron or Baroness goes mad, they stop being a Baron or Baroness. This happens unfortunately easily, even if you've been filling all mandates promptly and given them much nicer quarters than they technically need.

I lost mine because the Mayor got upset (Facebook killed her husband or something) and I put some more stuff in her rooms to cheer her up. This worked, but had the regrettable side effect of bringing the value of the Mayor's room up higher than that of the Baroness's.

By the time I realized that something was wrong, the mad ex-Baroness was standing outside the Mayor's office surrounded by her own discarded garments, naked and dehydrated. In my defense, the Mayor hadn't noticed anything strange, either.


- me being helpful on Reddit
Dwarf Fortress succession game fic. Characters trying to figure out the controls, freaking out about the more violent game mechanics, flooding one another's tombs, and creating massive monuments to themselves! It is perfect.
Page 20 of a recent Dwarf Fortress combat log:

* The Brush Titan punches The militia commander in the head with its left hand, but the attack is deflected by The militia commander's (llama wool hood)!
* The Brush Titan kicks The militia commander in the head with its left foot, but the attack is deflected by The militia commander's (llama wool hood)!
* The Brush Titan shoots out thick strands of webbing!
* The Brush Titan kicks The militia commander in the head with its left foot, but the attack is deflected by The militia commander's (llama wool hood)!
* The Brush Titan kicks The militia commander in the head with its right foot, but the attack is deflected by The militia commander's (llama wool hood)!
* The Brush Titan shoots out thick strands of webbing!
* The Brush Titan kicks The militia commander in the head with its left foot, but the attack is deflected by The militia commander's (llama wool hood)!
* The Brush Titan kicks The militia commander in the head with its right foot, but the attack is deflected by The militia commander's (llama wool hood)!
* The Brush Titan shoots out thick strands of webbing!
* The Brush Titan kicks The militia commander in the head with its right foot, but the attack is deflected by The militia commander's (llama wool hood)!
* The Brush Titan kicks The militia commander in the head with its left foot, but the attack is deflected by The militia commander's (llama wool hood)!
* The Brush Titan shoots out thick strands of webbing!
* The Brush Titan kicks The militia commander in the head with its left foot, but the attack is deflected by The militia commander's (llama wool hood)!


The first nineteen pages are basically the same. The commander's not fighting back because she got stuck in a spiderweb. Why can't the titan kill the dwarf who's stuck in a spiderweb? Well, obviously it is because she is wearing a hood.

After about a month of watching this thing Cossack dance uselessly at the commander's head, stubbornly refusing to take a break to patronize my beautiful recently-cleaned trap corridor, I sent out the rest of the soldiers to shoot it down. I was concerned that the commander might starve to death.

Combat in Dwarf Fortress is kind of stupid, is what I'm saying here.
A Homestuck hiatus means that I start ruining the lives of pretend ASCII dwarves again, apparently. Homestuck is a much healthier preoccupation than Dwarf Fortress.

I made an awesome gruesome trap corridor that drops things 26 z-levels onto a bunch of spikes. Smashes my enemies into unrecognizable bits! I'm trying to lure the goblins into it, using a puppy for bait. This should obviously appeal to ASCII goblin sensibilities. Look at this goddamn puppy, goblins. This thing is fucking adorable. Why don't you come inside and kill this puppy?

They won't come inside and kill this puppy. I might have to stick a dwarf I'm not using in there instead, I don't know.

I did get a minotaur to come into the doom corridor, but that was because I stuck a door at the end for it to break. As any scholar of Greek mythology will tell you, minotaurs enjoy nothing more than breaking doors, tables, chairs, and "querns." Yet such stuff does not tickle a goblin's fancy, I fear.

You know, I even set up the trap corridor with plumbing this time? So I can flush it out, if an eldritch horror shows up miserably shedding its diseased flesh like confetti! Yet the only guests I've gotten are minotaurs with grudges against doors and goblins too tenderhearted to kill puppies. It's all very discouraging.
“Go mine for adamantium.”

Something I regret about my life is that none of the people I want to tell to fuck off understand just how harsh this is. If I ever used it I would probably become upset that they were not offended.

It’d be like the time one girl in my middle school class called another a “skank” and literally started crying because the other girl said “haha, yeah!”

Like how can you not be hurt by my Dwarf Fortress reference it should cut you to the quick.
I googled "wholesale mineral cosmetics" to see how much it would cost to actually assemble a Dwarf Fortress eyeshadow line - I'm not going to, but the answer is, "less than $200." This place, which was the first thing that showed up on Google, will sell you a 1-oz bag of eyeshadow for $11, and they've got the little sifter jars for $25 for 100. I could get the labels printed up at a place in town for $50, and then all that remains is to set up an Etsy storefront with a super-classy logo:

BADGER SOW IS NO LONGER ENRAGED COSMETICS: CAUSE WHAT ARE YOU DOING BUYING COSMETICS IF THE BADGER SOW IS STILL ENRAGED, I MEAN COME ON

I found this website advertising its makeup as "gluten-free." Oh, yeah? Well my mineral foundation is 100% guaranteed not to contain the fat of unbaptized infants. No other line of cosmetics makes that particular promise. That means I win.

BADGER SOW IS NO LONGER ENRAGED COSMETICS: 100% HAUNTING DUST FREE, HAND-BLENDED BY ALIVE HANDS STILL ATTACHED TO PEOPLE, NOT SEVERED ONES REANIMATED BY NECROMANCERS

What I'm trying to say is that makeup doesn't ordinarily have any goddamn gluten in it. It's not a banana muffin.
A Dwarf Fortress-themed line of mineral eyeshadow, featuring shades with such evocative names as Vile Force of Darkness, Why You Fear The Night, Stark Raving Mad, and Peach-Faced Lovebird Man.

Today I saw "olivine" eyeshadow and realized that I now associate the names of most common rocks and minerals with doomed dwarvish strongholds, is where this is coming from.
You made a trumpet out of moose leather (how did you do that) and named it "Craftplunged the Disembowelment of Virgins." That is not a thing that you should have done.

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The contents of this blog and all comments I make are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike License. I hope that name is long enough. I could add some stuff. It could also be a Bring Me A Sandwich License.

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