snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
me: *is sitting on couch*

me, thinking: Fuck this fucking heat I'm sick of summer already! I'm going to buy a hammock, some indoor mounting hardware for the hammock, and maybe some mint extract for use in making flavored lemonade!

me: *puts items in Amazon cart while still sitting quietly on couch, then removes mint because it's probably cheaper at Food City*
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What is the sort of blunt metallic/rusty taste that's in both

1) stale old green and oolong tea,

and

2) canned green beans

?
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
Photo of a bowl of grain salad with a lot of protein.

This is what I’m eating nearly every meal lately. It’s approximately healthy and filling, and involves only one “cooking-ish” element - putting grain in a rice cooker - which only needs to be done once every few days.

This has become my favorite recipe because the ingredients don’t have time to go bad on me and make me sick when I zone the fuck out, eat nothing but energy bars and pieces of bread for days, and then eat some not remembering how old it is and make myself really sick. That’s a very important consideration! It’s eliminated most of my old staple foods from the rotation.

Required Materials:

* a rice cooker
* grain that won’t get gross in the fridge after a few days:
* * wheat berries or barley = good
* * oat groats or millet = okay but gets dry faster
* * rice = mostly bad
* spinach, collard greens, or some other leafy green, either fresh or frozen loose in a bag (not compressed into a brick)
* olive oil
* vinegar

Other Salad Stuff That Either Has Protein Or Is An Olive (Olives Are Delicious):

* canned beans
* canned tuna or sardines
* crumbly cheese
* nuts
* olives
* whatever

Pre-Salad Process:

* Stick the greens in the freezer immediately even if they’re fresh because I’ll get paranoid that they’ve gone bad and will make me sick otherwise.
* Cook the grain in the rice cooker
* The Hardest Part: Remember to put the grain in the fridge before the rice cooker’s Keep Warm setting dries it out.
* The Other Hardest Part: Remember to actually wash the rice cooker pan so it’ll be ready for the next batch goddamn it.

Salad Process:

* Stick a couple handfuls of the frozen greens in a bowl, then microwave for thirty seconds to wilt them + kill all the e. coli that’s probably on there trying to kill me.
* Dump the other stuff in there and mix it up.
* Eat the salad.
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
Are KFC buckets going to hold up okay in landfills and stuff? Like, for future historians. Because if they don't, the future historians are going to be super-confused by the phrase "pick up a bucket of chicken." They'll be pretty sure chicken doesn't literally mean chicken and buckets don't literally mean buckets, in that context. On the face of it, the phrase doesn't make sense.

Basically I'm saying that we need to bronze a KFC bucket, for the future.
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Put a teaspoon of consomme powder and a teaspoon of curry powder in a mug, pour boiling water over it, then add some soymilk. Instant curry soup!

If only I had some of those little dehydrated tofu cubes they put in the instant miso packets, I could drop them in there like marshmallows and create Savory Hot Cocoa.
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Kimchi ramen but with soba instead of ramen, spinach, and a couple poached eggs in there.

I'm almost out of kimchi now, though, so my siblings will need to go get me some. Okay, siblings? Okay.
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Stop using Keurigs, they are wasteful and take up a lot of counter space and the thing gets caked with old coffee (and "chai" and "cider" and whatever else those cups claim they are) because no one ever cleans it. Get a $5 pour-over thingie and a kettle if you only want one cup. Stop doing the thing in a way other than the way I do the thing. Stop it.
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I gave Dad the last of the cake because I spent three hours in the car listening to him complain that Mom wouldn't give him a pastry she had purchased for herself for after dinner.

This is not good training for him, I admit, but I suspected that she was herself planning to give him half once I was out of earshot. I found this outcome unacceptable.
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A while ago I tried entirely eliminating sugar from my diet for a while to see if that made me feel less gross, which obviously did not work. Second phase is that I baked a cake on Tuesday and am working on eating the whole fucking thing. Perhaps the Cake Diet shall be the approach which solves my problems. I am about 2/3 done and it actually seems to be helping, so I think there might be something wrong with my metabolism? Or maybe I'm a hummingbird. Will try all-nectar diet next.
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I had to go out and get a prescription refilled, and stopped at the overstock store near the pharmacy. It was full of people buying supplies for the predicted blizzard, and everyone ahead of me in line had a half-off heart-shaped box of chocolates along with their canned things and candles.

#i have all the canned food in the world #and enough candles to prepare a new sun #this is papaw's house i'm in after all
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People sometimes call Valentines Day “Cheap Chocolate Eve,” but they’re confused, because that’s actually formally set for Easter.
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It does a weird tingly thing to the back of your throat, though; it feels like having a dandelion puff back there.
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
I have a lot of anxiety dreams where I’m in Japan and have forgotten how to say basic stuff in Japanese. Last night I dreamed I was in Shinjuku and very upset with myself because I couldn’t remember 1) “shitsurei shimasu,” which means “excuse me,” and 2) “taiyaki,” which means “a fried pastry shaped like a fish and usually filled with sweet bean paste or cream.”

Also the plot of Battlefield Terra was going on, but I was more upset that I couldn’t remember about fish pastries.

Edit: You need to understand that Battlefield Terra happening in Shinjuku is an extremely funny thing to contemplate. Really, putting any emotionally-intense disaster narrative in Shinjuku is fucking hilarious. It’s too bad anime doesn’t take advantage of the absurdity of this situation the way it should.

"I NEED TO MAKE OUT WITH YOU BECAUSE EVERYONE IS GOING TO DIE AND TELEPATHY"

*nearby, a man in a scarf awkwardly ignores this while evincing an intense and joyless preoccupation with some pastel macarons*

*also nearby: a wall made entirely of white plush pomeranian toys for some goddamn reason, it’s terrifying*
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
I want a bottle of condensed hontsuyu so I can just dump a couple tablespoons in the pot when I’m making soba, why can’t I find this.

#i used a lot of condensed hondashi when i lived in aichi #i could never find it anywhere else though just the powder in packets
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
It’s a measure of how fucked-up I’ve been that I keep purchasing granola even though I’ve got a massive surplus of oats, honey, and cinnamon right now.

It is a thing I normally cook all the time. It’s basically my easiest frequently-used-recipe. But I am buying overpriced boxes of it at the store. Problems.
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
*eats several spoonfuls of pure sugar, feels better* I am having some kind of a nutritional problem for sure.
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
I just made an omelet that was omelet-shaped for the first time ever.
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
Eating food is hard. And I have to do it multiple times each day, one isn’t enough? This is too much responsibility for me
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
I envy persons for whom drunkenness is a pleasant state, or at least an anaesthetic one. It makes me sleepy, angry, and paranoid, and I already am all of those things all of the time.

It is three-fifteen PM, I am not intoxicated, I am just thinking about this for some reason.

I can’t drive safely right now due to shakiness/shiteyes so I just called and asked Mom to stop at the store and get me some me high-calorie high-protein canned foods because I’m only eating once a day or so. I then had to specify what foods this meant because she is in her fifties and still doesn’t know anything about human or animal nutrition. This is Kentucky, we’re in an abusive relationship with lard, we know it’s an abusive one but we can’t explain why, we use the word “trashy?” The problem with this relationship is not the socioeconomic iconography associated with the food, but part of the problem is that we think it is.

That’s not actually why I was thinking about booze, it’s an unrelated thought. This is a bad post.
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
Where can one order reasonably-fresh whole fennel seeds and licorice root online?

(The local chain grocery stores do not appear to carry these things, and I do not live anywhere near an international or Indian or Chinese grocery, or a Whole Foods or a Trader Joe's, or any other business which might be more likely to have them. This is rural Appalachia, we barely even have grocery stores to begin with.)

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The contents of this blog and all comments I make are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike License. I hope that name is long enough. I could add some stuff. It could also be a Bring Me A Sandwich License.

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