snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
Winners are the ones whose fucking arms have fallen off by the time the cookies are done.

I just spent an hour and a half preparing the dough for these chocolate chip cookies, deviating from the recipe only in that 1) I obviously do not have a stand mixer, because I am an armless winner, and 2) I used chocolate chips instead of chopped baking chocolate. The recipe dirties three bowls, two whisks, and a saucepan, and the dough needs to spend the night in the fridge.

There's a lengthy article explaining the chemical rationale behind all these steps. I shall learn tomorrow whether to take chemistry seriously.


Dec. 4th, 2014 07:26 pm
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
1) Dubiety the Cat has not sharpened his claws for a pretty long time; he won't use the carpet post, and he's figured out that he's not allowed to mess with the couch. I unfortunately probably can't let him go outdoors to use a tree, given the horrific wounds I keep seeing on the neighborhood strays. (I tried to catch the friendly tuxedo-cat to take him to the shelter the other day, but while he's okay with being held and petted, he flips out when I start walking while he's in my arms.)

So I was trying to pick the old claw layers off Dubiety myself, to keep them from getting ingrown, and. Well. That's not going to work out unless I get a suit of fucking armor.

I'm think I'm going to get some sisal rope and a board, wrap the rope around the board, and lean it against the couch where he tries to scratch sometimes. Maybe that'll work for him.

2) I messed with the RIFT expansion a little today. It occasionally forgets that it takes place in the Plane of Water and spawns invasions from the Plane of Water, because it's fucking RIFT and nothing makes any sense.

The Big Bad says "this place shall become one with the Plane of Water!" I have some good news for you, buddy.

3) Today I ate a can of soup that ostensibly expired in early 2012. I'm fine.
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
Official Report: Cold-brew coffee steeped for two weeks does not taste noticeably different from cold-brew coffee steeped for twelve hours, nor does my current physical state suggest a higher caffeine content.

Which I guess isn’t really surprising! There’s only so much Coffee Stuff in coffee grounds, and more rigorous nerds than I have elsewhere argued for only eight hours as the maximum-saturation point.
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
There's been a thing of cold-brew coffee steeping in the fridge for about two weeks because I forgot it was there. I wonder if this will actually result in something noticeably different from my usual 12-to-24-hour steeping.
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
I resent the high price of salad greens with such intensity that I just spent a while researching growing some.

(I don't usually eat salad, I'm trying something new here in hopes that it helps my brain! And capitalism is stymieing my efforts!)
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1) Buying the cheapest electric kettle means the water can taste a little plastic-y. This can be addressed by, each time you use it, dumping any leftover water from last time into a glass, and putting in fresh water.

And then the old water can be re-used the next time - letting it air out for a while gets rid of the plastic smell/taste.

I don’t know why!

2) I ordered this sweater on eBay in gray; it showed up Halloween-orange. This problem cannot be addressed by airing the sweater out, so I’m hassling an eBay vendor for a refund yet again.

Also, the branch is just painted on there and is definitely going to start peeling off. Sometimes there is no excuse for my cheapness.

3) Am manufacturing certain of my Christmukkougatsu Solstice gifts using raw materials purchased inexpensively online. This is actually going pretty well, I think.

I didn’t go so far as to buy a bunch of mica and stuff and try to duplicate the boutique mineral cosmetics elongated-tito wants, though I did think about it. I could have used the extra components to start my Dwarf Fortress makeup line.
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
You know, all the racism and misogyny and homophobia and transphobia and classism and etc etc.

But the worst thing was that it made me think anchovies and liver were gross. They are delicious. What did the children's television networks have against anchovies and liver, what is wrong with those people?

I mean, aside from the, y'know, other stuff I just listed that's wrong with them.
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
Me: Oh, it's because it's 4:30 PM, and all I've eaten today is a stale muffin.
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
Success: chicken livers fried with only minor burns to forearms! And I managed to eat a reasonably-sized serving of them, even! I now feel much better.

(#food #terrifying southern food #i also had pepto bismol so i don't get sick from having rich fried stuff after days of basically not eating)
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
and if you do not agree then I seriously question your taste. Or your possession of acid reflux? Maybe not everyone has acid reflux, I don’t know. Cold-brew coffee is definitely superior if you can’t handle the acidity of normal coffee.

This is how I make it: take

2/3 to 3/4 cup ground coffee and
4 cups cold water

and combine them in a container of some kind. Refrigerate for at least eight hours - I usually do a full day - then strain out the grounds.

The easiest method is to do the whole procedure in a French press with the plunger out, then plunge it when it’s done. But you can just drip the stuff through a normal coffee filter into a teapot or something, too.

You now have enough super-strong coffee concentrate to last one person a few days. I usually dilute mine in a ratio of 1 part coffee to 2 parts hot water or cold soymilk. It also makes ridiculously good mochas, coffee-flavored desserts, and so on.
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Like so. This is much better than actual Baileys.

When making fake Baileys with instant coffee and whisky, I recommend Nescafe French Roast instant coffee, and whatever the second-cheapest whisky at the store is. (In my case, Very Old Barton.) This is probbbably going to mean you end up with Kentucky Cream or Tennessee Cream rather than Irish Cream? I'm not sure that's something anyone cares about, once you're putting chocolate syrup in there.
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
Satsumas/tangelos/clementines/etc. Why did I stop eating these things things in college? High-school-me was completely right to bring them to school every day. They're cheap and healthy and dessert-level delicious, and they don't upset my stomach the way normal-sized oranges do. They also for some reason complement both iced barley tea and hot green tea really well, which is of vital importance if you are me.

And they're more convenient to carry around for hot-weather hydration purposes than a nalgene of water. They're essentially juice wrapped up in a little fiber, and that fiber's both really lightweight and unlikely to leak all over the contents of my purse. I have a big handkerchief that's now designated specifically for wrapping up mandarins in my purse; some mandarins and a couple bananas are now my hanging-out-someplace-hot-for-a-while kit.

Tangentially-Related: I got a big thing of soba, but it's too hot for making pasta; I wish that refrigerating soba didn't turn it all sticky and weird. Maybe I should just find some buckwheat groats and try them in the rice cooker, then dump hontsuyu over them? Would that be weird?
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
Because when you google the phrase "simple granola" you get recipes like this with eight frigging ingredients, and that is ridiculous.


2 cups rolled oats
1/3 cup honey
1 tbsp vegetable oil

Preheat the oven to 300 F.

Put the honey and oil in a coffee mug and microwave it for thirty seconds to make it runnier. Pour over the oats and mix in until they're uniformly sticky and clumpy.

Spread the oat mixture out in a 9"x11" cake pan and bake for about thirty minutes, removing it to toss every ten minutes. Don't bake this on a cookie sheet if you don't want it spilling when you take it out to stir it. Let it cool completely before putting it away.
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
The whole wheat spaghetti that doesn't really taste right when used like normal spaghetti (ie, with tomatoes or cream sauce)? It works pretty well when used like soba (ie, with tsuyu).
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
I have bought a bag of frozen broccoli from my local Food City! This was such a wise purchase on my part. I am psyched about opening this opaque plastic bag, which is obviously full of whole pieces of broccoli as depicted on the front, and steaming its contents as part of a balanced meal high in dietary fiber and vitamins K and C.

A bag of 'Food Club' broccoli from Food City.

Yeah, sure, I can't actually see into the bag, but I trust Food City entirely in the field of vegetable matter. I mean, they carry like seventy-six varieties of soda and one kind of soymilk that's not sugary, they have a whole aisle devoted to snack cakes iced with the tears of Sylvester Graham, and their bread has been known to last upwards of three months without growing mold. I can immediately recall only one occasion upon which the whole place has smelled of sewage.

Bottom line, Food City is a trustworthy establishment, and there is going to be a crapton of whole broccoli in this friggin bag, which totally has not had anything at all weird and offputting done to it, like say decapitation. I am going to steam so much undecapitated broccoli.

A small saucer of broccoli sits, bereft, beside a large pile of stems.

Left: Whole pieces of broccoli.

Right: Stems.

snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
thegeekgene: I have a frozen pie crust thawing for my Slime Pie.

Me: Good.

Mom: Sarah. Exactly what sort of bread is it you're planning to make?

thegeekgene: She's making grubloaf!

Mom: Sarah. What is grubloaf.

Me: No, actually, I had a better idea! I'm going to make bread pudding with a bunch of different colored breads, with the clumps arranged in sort of grub-like shapes!

Mom: And how do you propose to make this bread colorful? - This is going to be absolutely disgusting.

Me: It's just my usual bread pudding, but multicolored, and grubbish. And, well, the best way would obviously be to bake several different colors of bread, but I was thinking I could also probably, like, put some dye in milk and just soak chunks of bread in the milk.

Mom: But the colors would just run together.

Me: Well, yeah, maybe. I might be able to make it work, I'm going to test this on a small pudding first -

Mom: I guess you could just buy one of those packages of frozen dinner-roll dough.

Me: Oh, you think I could just knead the food coloring in?

Mom: Yeah. - Why am I helping you with this?

thegeekgene: Because it's awesome!

Me: I could also have grub sauce. Like, dyed whipped cream.

thegeekgene: Yes. Excellent.

Mom: Should I even ask what grub sauce is?

Me: It's like mayo, but with grubs.

thegeekgene: It's grub sauce, Mom.

Mom: Oh, god.
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
I've been eating this a lot recently; it's easy and I have yet to get sick of it. It's good with steamed spinach mixed in. Also, if you want to de-veganize it, goat cheese.

2 cups dried beans (any kind(s))
1 onion
1 potato or sweet potato
1 or 2 stems celery
1 large tomato, diced (or 1 can diced tomatoes)
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp garam masala
1 tsp turmeric
1 tsp ground cumin
1 1/2 tbsp Osem pareve chicken-flavored consomme mix*
3 tbsp oil

1) Run beans over plate/cutting board to check for stones. Rinse beans in colander. Place in crockpot, cover with four cups water, set to high.

2) Peel and dice potato, slice celery, add to crockpot.

3) Put consomme powder in heatproof measuring cup. Boil water, pour 1 cup worth into cup, stir in. Add to crockpot.

4) Dice onion.

5) Heat oil in frying pan on medium. When heated, add garlic, then onion, then garam masala, turmeric, and cumin. Sautee until onion is translucent, then add to crockpot.

6) Add enough water to completely cover all ingredients with room to spare as it cooks down. Allow to cook for at least four hours or until beans are cooked through. If cooking overnight, set heat to low.

7) When beans are cooked, add tomato. Serve.

* Yes, I use this stuff in everything, and no, I do not care that it's basically MSG plus some celery salt. You can substitute veggie bouillon if your fear of acronyms trumps your trust in like, the past two decades of nutritional research.

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