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You know, all the racism and misogyny and homophobia and transphobia and classism and etc etc.

But the worst thing was that it made me think anchovies and liver were gross. They are delicious. What did the children's television networks have against anchovies and liver, what is wrong with those people?

I mean, aside from the, y'know, other stuff I just listed that's wrong with them.
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Me: Oh, it's because it's 4:30 PM, and all I've eaten today is a stale muffin.
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Success: chicken livers fried with only minor burns to forearms! And I managed to eat a reasonably-sized serving of them, even! I now feel much better.

(#food #terrifying southern food #i also had pepto bismol so i don't get sick from having rich fried stuff after days of basically not eating)
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and if you do not agree then I seriously question your taste. Or your possession of acid reflux? Maybe not everyone has acid reflux, I don’t know. Cold-brew coffee is definitely superior if you can’t handle the acidity of normal coffee.

This is how I make it: take

2/3 to 3/4 cup ground coffee and
4 cups cold water

and combine them in a container of some kind. Refrigerate for at least eight hours - I usually do a full day - then strain out the grounds.

The easiest method is to do the whole procedure in a French press with the plunger out, then plunge it when it’s done. But you can just drip the stuff through a normal coffee filter into a teapot or something, too.

You now have enough super-strong coffee concentrate to last one person a few days. I usually dilute mine in a ratio of 1 part coffee to 2 parts hot water or cold soymilk. It also makes ridiculously good mochas, coffee-flavored desserts, and so on.
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Like so. This is much better than actual Baileys.

When making fake Baileys with instant coffee and whisky, I recommend Nescafe French Roast instant coffee, and whatever the second-cheapest whisky at the store is. (In my case, Very Old Barton.) This is probbbably going to mean you end up with Kentucky Cream or Tennessee Cream rather than Irish Cream? I'm not sure that's something anyone cares about, once you're putting chocolate syrup in there.
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Satsumas/tangelos/clementines/etc. Why did I stop eating these things things in college? High-school-me was completely right to bring them to school every day. They're cheap and healthy and dessert-level delicious, and they don't upset my stomach the way normal-sized oranges do. They also for some reason complement both iced barley tea and hot green tea really well, which is of vital importance if you are me.

And they're more convenient to carry around for hot-weather hydration purposes than a nalgene of water. They're essentially juice wrapped up in a little fiber, and that fiber's both really lightweight and unlikely to leak all over the contents of my purse. I have a big handkerchief that's now designated specifically for wrapping up mandarins in my purse; some mandarins and a couple bananas are now my hanging-out-someplace-hot-for-a-while kit.

Tangentially-Related: I got a big thing of soba, but it's too hot for making pasta; I wish that refrigerating soba didn't turn it all sticky and weird. Maybe I should just find some buckwheat groats and try them in the rice cooker, then dump hontsuyu over them? Would that be weird?
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Because when you google the phrase "simple granola" you get recipes like this with eight frigging ingredients, and that is ridiculous.


2 cups rolled oats
1/3 cup honey
1 tbsp vegetable oil

Preheat the oven to 300 F.

Put the honey and oil in a coffee mug and microwave it for thirty seconds to make it runnier. Pour over the oats and mix in until they're uniformly sticky and clumpy.

Spread the oat mixture out in a 9"x11" cake pan and bake for about thirty minutes, removing it to toss every ten minutes. Don't bake this on a cookie sheet if you don't want it spilling when you take it out to stir it. Let it cool completely before putting it away.
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The whole wheat spaghetti that doesn't really taste right when used like normal spaghetti (ie, with tomatoes or cream sauce)? It works pretty well when used like soba (ie, with tsuyu).
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I have bought a bag of frozen broccoli from my local Food City! This was such a wise purchase on my part. I am psyched about opening this opaque plastic bag, which is obviously full of whole pieces of broccoli as depicted on the front, and steaming its contents as part of a balanced meal high in dietary fiber and vitamins K and C.

A bag of 'Food Club' broccoli from Food City.

Yeah, sure, I can't actually see into the bag, but I trust Food City entirely in the field of vegetable matter. I mean, they carry like seventy-six varieties of soda and one kind of soymilk that's not sugary, they have a whole aisle devoted to snack cakes iced with the tears of Sylvester Graham, and their bread has been known to last upwards of three months without growing mold. I can immediately recall only one occasion upon which the whole place has smelled of sewage.

Bottom line, Food City is a trustworthy establishment, and there is going to be a crapton of whole broccoli in this friggin bag, which totally has not had anything at all weird and offputting done to it, like say decapitation. I am going to steam so much undecapitated broccoli.

A small saucer of broccoli sits, bereft, beside a large pile of stems.

Left: Whole pieces of broccoli.

Right: Stems.

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thegeekgene: I have a frozen pie crust thawing for my Slime Pie.

Me: Good.

Mom: Sarah. Exactly what sort of bread is it you're planning to make?

thegeekgene: She's making grubloaf!

Mom: Sarah. What is grubloaf.

Me: No, actually, I had a better idea! I'm going to make bread pudding with a bunch of different colored breads, with the clumps arranged in sort of grub-like shapes!

Mom: And how do you propose to make this bread colorful? - This is going to be absolutely disgusting.

Me: It's just my usual bread pudding, but multicolored, and grubbish. And, well, the best way would obviously be to bake several different colors of bread, but I was thinking I could also probably, like, put some dye in milk and just soak chunks of bread in the milk.

Mom: But the colors would just run together.

Me: Well, yeah, maybe. I might be able to make it work, I'm going to test this on a small pudding first -

Mom: I guess you could just buy one of those packages of frozen dinner-roll dough.

Me: Oh, you think I could just knead the food coloring in?

Mom: Yeah. - Why am I helping you with this?

thegeekgene: Because it's awesome!

Me: I could also have grub sauce. Like, dyed whipped cream.

thegeekgene: Yes. Excellent.

Mom: Should I even ask what grub sauce is?

Me: It's like mayo, but with grubs.

thegeekgene: It's grub sauce, Mom.

Mom: Oh, god.
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I've been eating this a lot recently; it's easy and I have yet to get sick of it. It's good with steamed spinach mixed in. Also, if you want to de-veganize it, goat cheese.

2 cups dried beans (any kind(s))
1 onion
1 potato or sweet potato
1 or 2 stems celery
1 large tomato, diced (or 1 can diced tomatoes)
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp garam masala
1 tsp turmeric
1 tsp ground cumin
1 1/2 tbsp Osem pareve chicken-flavored consomme mix*
3 tbsp oil

1) Run beans over plate/cutting board to check for stones. Rinse beans in colander. Place in crockpot, cover with four cups water, set to high.

2) Peel and dice potato, slice celery, add to crockpot.

3) Put consomme powder in heatproof measuring cup. Boil water, pour 1 cup worth into cup, stir in. Add to crockpot.

4) Dice onion.

5) Heat oil in frying pan on medium. When heated, add garlic, then onion, then garam masala, turmeric, and cumin. Sautee until onion is translucent, then add to crockpot.

6) Add enough water to completely cover all ingredients with room to spare as it cooks down. Allow to cook for at least four hours or until beans are cooked through. If cooking overnight, set heat to low.

7) When beans are cooked, add tomato. Serve.

* Yes, I use this stuff in everything, and no, I do not care that it's basically MSG plus some celery salt. You can substitute veggie bouillon if your fear of acronyms trumps your trust in like, the past two decades of nutritional research.
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I've been vegetarian-ing for three weeks, and I haven't had much trouble avoiding meat; it hasn't really been a big part of my diet since I came back from Japan. But I can't work myself up to care that there's fish in instant dashi? I eat soba all the time, and I've got like four boxes of this stuff, and throwing them out will do nothing to remedy global overfishing.

When I run out I'll buy some plain wakame and try cooking with that, but for now I intend to continue to eat noodles that have been rendered ritually unclean.

I'm also resolving to go ahead and eat a hot dog/fried chicken/etc if I'm on a long drive or something and that's all that's available. I'm a bad enough driver when my blood sugar's normal.
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1-lb bag of split peas
1 small purple onion, diced
1 large baking potato, peeled and diced
3 cloves garlic, diced/mashed
small piece of side meat or salt pork
salt and pepper

Run split peas over plate/cutting board to check for stones. Rinse in colander, then put in crockpot with all other ingredients and cover with 2-3 inches water. Cook on high until it bubbles up, then switch to low and cook until peas are too mushy to stick in your throat, about six hours. Discard meat and serve, if anyone else in the house wants to eat it (no one does). Put remainder in fridge and continue eating for several days in spite of alarming appearance. I don't care what it looks like, it's good.
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
Based on this recipe. I've been making these for Dad, who complains when I don't use the chocolate chips, but they're fine plain.

2 1/2 cups rolled oats
1/2 cup oat bran
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup honey
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 egg, beaten
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
3/4 cup chocolate chips, raisins, or dried cranberries (optional)

Preheat oven to 350 F. Combine dry ingredients, then add wet. Add chocolate chips/dried fruit if desired. Mix until all dry ingredients are moist. Pat down firmly in greased 9"x11" pan, leaving as few gaps between clumps of oats as possible; empty spaces will make the bars brittle and cause them to crumble easily. Bake for 30 minutes. Slice into 8-10 rectangular pieces immediately upon removing from oven, then allow to cool until hard before removing from pan.
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
The fact that this will by my third oatmeal muffin post may be giving the impression that this food group forms a major part of my diet. This is accurate. They've got lots of fiber and protein, they take like forty minutes to make, and you can eat them with one hand! I ask you, what is not to like about the oatmeal muffin?

- Highly Wheatish Oatmeal Muffins

1 1/4 cups dry oatmeal
1 cup whole wheat flour
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/3 cup applesauce
1 cup milk/buttermilk/soymilk/whatevermilk (or water if you don't mind a craggy texture)
1 egg (or another dollop of applesauce if you don't mind a craggy texture)
1/2 cup cooked wheat berries

Pre-heat oven to 400 F. Mix dry ingredients together, then add applesauce and liquid, then add wheat berries. Spoon into greased muffin tin, bake for twenty minutes or until tops are brown.

These have been my generic food item for the last month or so; they have a lot of protein and you can eat them with pretty much anything. Jam, peanut butter, butter, hummus, curry sauce, whatever.

If you are unfamiliar with the wheat berries concept, they're basically just whole wheat grains. You soak them for two hours, then cook them like bown rice. They can be eaten like rice, too, which I've been doing a lot recently; you can make a large batch in advance and keep them in the fridge for days without having them dry out or stick together. They go surprisingly well with Japanese-style curry or with gomashio.

I assume that oat groats function similarly to wheat berries in recipes like this, but I haven't been able to find any to try it with yet.

- Relatively Healthy Banana Walnut Oatmeal Muffins

1 1/2 cups dry oatmeal
1 cup whole wheat flour
2 tbsp brown or "raw" (turbinado/demerara) sugar
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/3 cup applesauce
3/4 cup milk/buttermilk/soymilk/whatevermilk
1 medium-sized-to-large banana
1 cup chopped walnuts

Pre-heat oven to 400 F. Mix dry ingredients together (including the sugar). Place applesauce, milk, and banana in blender, and pulse until smooth. Stir into dry ingredients, then add walnuts. Spoon into greased muffin tin, bake for twenty-two minutes or until tops are very brown. (Banana muffins keep much better if they're allowed to form a good dark crust.)

This is basically a breakfast-food version of the booodseees muffins, which I think of as a dessert. They're also more acceptable than the booodseees to people who aren't me, because some weirdos don't like olive oil in their muffins.
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A review on a recipe for rye crackers:

I didn't have caraway seeds, so I used sesame instead. [...] Those that weren't burnt were very bland.

And one on a recipe for a Finnish rye quickbread, which does not use caraway:

I was REALLY disappointed that this did not taste like it had rye flour.

Today I learned that some people never figured out that the caraway seeds aren't decorative in nature. Seriously, if the taste of Jewish rye bread was coming from the rye flour, vodka would be really different.

(I'm baking the Finnish bread right now. I added caraway, because of reasons.)
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)
* So Yamamotoyama's website makes you print out a PDF of their mail-order form? It's crazy, it's like the 19th century or something! But the Tokusen Kokyu Sencha is really good and costs almost twice as much from Amazon, so I am willing to do this.

* The freezer is full of kielbasa for reasons that escape me. I'm thinking of turning some of it into some kind of soup.

* When I enter the living room, Anxiety the Cat sits on the back of the couch and mews plaintively at me. He continues doing this until I either give him his allergy tablet - he's decided he loves Pill Pockets, following a lengthy period of hating them - or sit down on the couch so he can roll anxiously around my lap, peering up at me uncertainly to make sure I'm not moving. Anxiety was Nixon's servant; he would sit down on the couch, and she would sit down on top of him and fall asleep, and he wouldn't move until she was ready to get up again.

I'm not sure if what he's doing is some sort of grieving behavior, or if he's decided that he is the primary cat now and must therefore behave as much like her as possible. If that's his goal, it's unfortunate that he's too self-conscious to do the role justice. He only vocalizes when I'm looking directly at him and he knows for sure he's got my attention, and though he's twice Nixon's size, he doesn't feel secure enough in his physical presence to follow me around or headbutt me. He kneads my legs like a kitten when he gets me on the couch. Poor neurotic cat.

Should I be calling him "Ford"?

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