and then extended the middle section after I woke up:

There's no blackout after Flint finds out about Hinawa. Dawn comes, and you now have control of Lucas. Also, it's autumn, and the rain is sleet, and the woods are covered in frost.

Claus tells Lucas he's going to kill the Drago. Lucas has the choice of either promising to keep it secret, or going with him.

If they go together, they find Hinawa standing next to Lighter's burned house talking to the mouse. She acts as if nothing is wrong. Her chest has a little blood on it, and she's wearing lipstick.

Read more... )
First draft of my SU fanfic that I'm not going to finish because it's been rendered hella noncanonical! This is all the dialog I wrote intercut with the outline, so it does have an ending - just, y'know, in the form of scribbly synopsis bits.

Ostensibly Pearl/Peridot spadeshipping, hence the "Shovelflies" - they're butterflies that look like little spades! And they're fluttering in the background every time Pearl and Peridot interact! I didn't describe this in the story, sorry. That's what they are. They're Animes Spades.

...Buuuuuut I was kind of waiting for more Peridot-vs-Pearl characterization in-show to write those bits! So what's here is mostly Peridot and Steven being cute.

In script format because I draft all dialog-heavy things that way (and in this case was trying to write as much in the show's style as possible).

Slight tw for some really bad parenting on Pearl's part in the scribbly-synopsis bits towards the end.

Read more... )
When I was in high school I read an X-Files fanfic where someone "was dying of ketoacidosis" and Mulder had a sobbing monologue about his parents also having "been stolen away from [him] by ketoacidosis."

Obviously people do die because of ketoacidosis. But, like, linguistically we do not say that. We say either "diabetes" or, probably more commonly, the name of the other condition(s) that hecked things up to the point that treating the diabetes became lost in the shuffle or impossible?

So it was a funny term to randomly choose out of the "K" section of the Merck Manual, but not the funniest possible term. Imagine the ideal world which would have resulted if the kid hadn't flipped quite so far. Fox Mulder's entire family, dead of keratosis pilaris.

I am posting this because my arm-spots are gross and I just looked at one that's bleeding and thought, sadly, I am probably dying of keratosis pilaris.
involves Steven regaling Pearl with increasingly-untrue bug facts from an educational children's book which Amethyst and Vidalia wrote. I've almost written more of this fake kids' book than I have of the fanfic for which it is intended.
but why is it that, when I sort the Ouran section by bookmarks, there are three separate Harry Potter AUs at the top???
on the very solid basis that they aren't AUs without any women.

I know that you guys don't get enough appreciation for your egregious bullshit, so in thanks, I will be posting a few hundred femslash drabbles and marking them "M/M" because at some point a goat is heard bleating.

This sound effect, obviously, implies the presence of Dirk Strider's robot. The robot is gay.
Some of the cherub sections from the 99%-OCs fanventure/askblog thing I will never actually put together. (I can’t draw.)

Read more... )
I have a deep terror of becoming Andrew Hussie, so I have Reviews of Young Adult Novels planned out pretty tidily! There exists a plot outline which has remained pretty much unchanged since before my brain fucked off and I had to stop doing the Active Writing part.

Which kind of surprises me, because I've been expecting Hussie to do something that I'll decide I want to incorporate thematically, but I've felt pretty okay with my choices so far! I have been content.

Up until Thursday's update, that is. This obviously necessitates some changes.
In RoYAN, you become a supreme court justice if you defeat an existing supreme court justice in single combat.
An extremely serious work of Neprezi for blurds/eptified.

NEPETA: :33 < the pouncellor rolls to seduce the dragon!

VRISKA: Not this again!

TEREZI: OK4Y F1N3

TEREZI: BUT W3 H4V3 T4LK3D 4BOUT TH1S

TEREZI: 4BOUT HOW 1F TH3 POUNC3LLOR ROLLS TO S3DUC3 TH1NGS 1T 1S OUT OF CH4R4CT3R FOR H3R TO ROLL TO S3DUC3 TH3N SH3 G3TS 4 P3N4LTY TO S41D ROLL 3QU4L 3X4CTLY TO TH3 V4LU3 OF TH3 ROLL?

NEPETA: :33 < yeah but you're making that rule up!

ROSE: Alas, it is in the rule book.

TEREZI: 4LL 1’M S4Y1NG 1S, 1F YOU W4NT TO S3DUC3 TH3 DR4GON, YOU H4V3 TO 4CTU4LLY ROL3-PL4Y 1T! TH3 POUNC3LLOR 4ND H3R P4RTY H4V3 B33N PURSU1NG TH3 W1LY DR4GON WHO S4T ON TH3 C1TY OF LL4NKHM3OWR FOR M4NY LONG MONTHS NOW, SURV1V3D COUNTL3SS TR4PS 4ND T4UNTS! TH3 DR4GON H4S 3V3N STOL3N 4W4Y (4ND P4RT14LLY-34T3N) TH3 PR1NC3SS TO WHOM TH3 POUNC3LLOR H4S SWORN H3R LOY4LTY FOR 4LL T1M3!

TEREZI: T3LL M3, POUNC3LLOR - DO YOU R34LLY W1SH TO 3ND YOUR LONG STRUGGL3 4G41NST TH1S M4J3ST1C B34ST W1TH 4 JOK1NG “ROLL TO S3DUC3?”

VRISKA: Yeah, can we please quit screwing around and get something done, for once????????

NEPETA: :33 < ...all right, then! i WILL role-play it! the pouncellor will seduce her old rival with the very fiercest of furvor!

TEREZI: NOW TH4T 1S WH4T 1 L1K3 TO H34R!

VRISKA: Oh, my god.

TEREZI: SO: HOW W1LL TH3 POUNC3LLOR PL4Y TH1S? 1 R3M1ND H3R TH4T H3R R3L4T1ONSH1P W1TH TH3 K1DN4PP3D C4TK1N PR1NC3SS (PL4Y3D BY 4 C3RT41N 4BS3NT NON-F3L1NO1D PR1NC3SS WHO H4S UNW1S3LY SK1PP3D TH3 P4ST TWO S3SS1ONS) W4S V3RG1NG ON TH3 BL4CK B3FOR3 TH3 DR4GON C4RR13D H3R 4W4Y TO H3R L41R!

TEREZI: W1LL TH3 POUNC3LLOR M3R3LY TOY W1TH TH3 DR4GON'S BL4CK 4FF3CT1ONS WH1L3 R3M41N1NG LOY4L TO TH3 PR1NC3SS? OR 4R3 H3R F33L1NGS FOR TH3 B34ST G3NU1N3?

VRISKA: Oh my godddddddd...

NEPETA: :33 < hmm... rose, can your guy shapeshift me?

ROSE: Given a live sacrifice of appropriate “narrative weight,” the wizard *could* transform the pouncellor into a dragon. However, he is willing to take so drastic a step only for the sake of true hate or love - not merely to avoid a confrontation.

TEREZI: LOOKS L1K3 YOU'LL N33D TO B34T BOTH TH3 W1Z4RD *4ND* TH3 DR4GON'S P3RC3PT1ON CH3CKS 1F TH3 POUNC3LLOR 1NT3NDS TO TR1FL3 W1TH TH3 B34ST’S STR4NG3 BLOODL3SS H34RT! 1S TH3 LOY4L 4DV1S3R TO TH3 QU33N OF TH3 C4TK1N D3V1OUS 3NOUGH TO D3C31V3 3V3N H3R FR13NDS 1N SUCH 4 W4Y?

NEPETA: :33 < the pouncellor’s intentions are pure! it is her heartfelt intention to capture the dragon’s bloodpusher, which i assume is in a box somewhere nearby, and carve her name into it!

TEREZI: THE DR4GON WOULD B3 D33PLY MOV3D COULD SH3 H34R TH1S!

NEPETA: :33 < - but the dragon did kidnap the princess, so maybe the shape-shift step isn’t even necessary? i don't know, how big actually is the dragon?

TEREZI: 4NT1C1P4T1NG SUCH 4 CONC3RN, 1 H4V3 PR3P4R3D 4 D3T41L3D 1M4G3 SHOW1NG SC4L3

VRISKA: OH MY GOD I AM LEAVING

ROSE: The wizard is fully prepared to sacrifice the Marquise for this scheme. Or really, pretty much any scheme.

VRISKA: The HELL he will!!!!!!!!
For [personal profile] azurelunatic, set in the really good AU I just came up with in which everyone is a normal human except for the witches, who are exactly as they are in canon. No one thinks that there is anything strange about this.

(I have accidentally turned your Dave-and-Karkat prompt into something female-centric like some kind of a reverse PXS.)

DAVE: what is lovecraftian though

DAVE: what even is that word is this a fucking romcom thing

KARKAT: NO, GOD, IT MEANS "OF OUR HAVING TO DO WITH FEFERI'S MOM"

KARKAT: LALONDE IS YOUR SISTER, AS A SUPPORTIVE BROTHER YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW THIS FUCKING WORD, IT IS THE TERM FOR HER SEXUAL PREFERENCES.

DAVE: okay one

DAVE: she wants to fuck plenty of moms other than feferis mom so thats not all inclusive

DAVE: and two youre definitely full of shit because why would there need to be an actual specific word for that

DAVE: like theres no word for jades dog

DAVE: or for damara and there should sure as FUCK be a word for damara

KARKAT: THE DAMARA ONE IS "CHTHONIC." I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW WHY THERE'S NOT ONE FOR THE DOG.
[profile] pazi: Fine, if you want like, prompts and shit and answers to the questions you literally asked! Jade/Terezi please.

TEREZI: SO W3 H4V3 3ST4BL1SH3D TH4T YOU 4R3, 1N F4CT, M4G1C4L TH13F J4D3 -

TEREZI: 4ND TH4T J4D3 1S YOUR R34L N4M3 WH1CH YOU D1D NOT 1N F4CT BOTH3R TO CONC34L

TEREZI: WH1CH M4K3S YOU 4N 4WFULLY SUBST4ND4RD M4G1C4L G1RL 1N MY P3RSON4L OP1N1ON!

JADE: pffft, says the person who STILL couldn't track me down normal-ways! i'm only even here because you STOLE my cute animal sidekick! PRETTY substandard police-officer behavior!

TEREZI: YOUR CUT3 4N1M4L S1D3K1CK 4T3 4 WHOL3 FLOOR OF TH3 LOUVR3, 4ND 4LSO 1S NOT CUT3

TEREZI: SH3 1S 4 SP1D3R

JADE: okay, i will admit that i have a pretty bad and uncute animal sidekick!

VRISKA, FROM INSIDE A JAR: Hey!

JADE: she is terrible and i will take responsibility for her crimes! now aren't you going to handcuff me?

TEREZI: 1 DONT R34LLY S33 TH3 PO1NT, G1V3N TH4T YOU 4R3 D3F1N1T3LY PL4NN1NG TO 3SC4P3 4ND ST34L H3R B4CK W1TH1N 4N HOUR OR SO OF MY G3TT1NG YOU TO J41L

JADE: don't you wannnnnnt to handcuff me?

TEREZI: WH4T 4STON1SH1NGLY UNPROF3SS1ON4L B3H4V1OR, M4G1C4L TH13F J4D3! >:O

VRISKA: Hey! 8oth of you cut that out RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!
As promised here. (rememberwhenyoutried​, sadjadewithcake​, and azurelunatic​, you have not yet supplied me with characters!)

-

[personal profile] inklesspen​: "Imagine Dave and Terezi introducing each other to Earth-style or Alternian-style gummy worms, though."

TEREZI: D4V3 1 4M V3RY D1S4PPO1NT3D TO F1ND TH4T YOUR HUM4N “GUMMY” D1RT NOODL3S 4R3 3X4CTLY L1KE R3GUL3R D1RT NOODL3S

TEREZI: 3XC3PT 1NC4P4BL3 OF 1ND3P3ND3NT MOT1ON

TEREZI: TH1S 3L1M1N4T3S TH3 MOST 3NJOY4BL3 P4RT OF TH3 M34L!

DAVE: dude you can still put the fuckin gummy worms on trial if you want ain’t nothing stopping you

TEREZI: BUT 1 C4N’T CHOOS3 TO 1NT3RPR3T TH3IR L1TER4L WR1GGL1NG 4S M3T4PHOR1C4L 3FFORTS TO WR1GGL3 FR33 FROM JUST1C3! >:[

-

[personal profile] nostalgebraist​: "Apparently I had a DW all along and just didn’t remember it, but I still demand fanfic. Only constraint: it must involve Dennis."

This Homestuck-or-Dragon Age prompt is shockingly substandard!

GREY WARDEN: hey old human, who lives in that castle over there, and also is it full of fuckin monsters i am supposed to kill

DENNIS: I’m thirty-seven, I’m not old!

GREY WARDEN: oh my god i am SO SICK of being in a bioware game i do NOT need that information, i mean they didn’t even give you a unique facial mesh, just answer my goddamn monster castle question WITHOUT giving me your name and age and a bunch of details about your local government and your opinions thereupon

MORRIGAN: (+15 Approval)

Feb. 3rd, 2015 10:44 am
CARIDIN: There. It is done. Give it to whom you will. I do not wish to hear their name, or anything more of them.

ALISTAIR: oh, we’re just going to put it on top of a piece of coprolite and say it’s king, apparently

DORFWARDEN: shut the FUCK up alistair GOD

ALISTAIR: sorry bad assumption are we going to say the rock’s QUEEN
ALISTAIR: so

ALISTAIR: are we going to support your brother or the other one

DORFWARDEN: ugh

ALISTAIR: you must have thought about this

DORFWARDEN: dude you suck fuck off

SHALE: I, too, am very excited to hear its clear-minded and impartial opinion of this situation.

DORFWARDEN: shale

DORFWARDEN: shale

DORFWARDEN: what do you call it when a rock is full of shit

SHALE: Coprolite, yes? Potentially bituminous coal or lignite, though I assume it’s rare for it to form in precisely that manner.

DORFWARDEN: right exactly but you also though

ALISTAIR: as loath as i am to interrupt this high-minded conversation could you please tell me what we’re doing here

DORFWARDEN: dude you’ve been standing right fucking behind me every awful fucking conversation i’ve had

DORFWARDEN: you tell me

ALISTAIR: i don’t know i don’t know anything about dwarves

DORFWARDEN: yeah weirdly i didn’t know anything about humans until like a few fucking months ago

DORFWARDEN: yet somehow man

DORFWARDEN: SOMEHOW

ALISTAIR: are you going to finish that sentence

DORFWARDEN: what sentence

ALISTAIR: the one you started with “somehow”

DORFWARDEN: fuck you

DORFWARDEN: no

DORFWARDEN: hey alistair are you fucking KING yet

Read more... )
LELIANA: Beloved, don’t you have another shield?

DORFWARDEN: yeah a few

DORFWARDEN: why

LELIANA: I’d feel better if you used your nice new silverite one, is all. It’s. Heavier! I worry about your safety.

DORFWARDEN: why

DORFWARDEN: you think we’re gonna be fighting shit in my awesome enlightened home city that’s the best city in the whole FUCKING world

ALISTAIR: i think that actually yes

DORFWARDEN: man shut up

LELIANA: Isn’t that the shield with the Aeducan clan arms on it?

DORFWARDEN: no

SHALE: Yes.

DORFWARDEN: maybe??? who cares

LELIANA: A lot of dwarves, I think! What are you going to say when they ask you about it?

DORFWARDEN: god

DORFWARDEN: what the fuck do you think i’m going to say

DORFWARDEN: “my dad sent me this ancient family heirloom as he lay on his deathbed cuz he belatedly recognized my brother’s treachery and TOTALLY wished he’d made me his heir when he had the chance”

DORFWARDEN: “thus throwing a huge explosive fucked-up kink into this whole shitty war of succession we’re supposed to be delicately negotiating as neutral parties”

DORFWARDEN: “i’m the heir it’s me”

DORFWARDEN: “suck it bhetch”

SHALE: “Bhetch?”

DORFWARDEN: yeah i combined bhelen’s name with bitch there

Read more... )
DORFWARDEN: hey gorim do you have any jewelry that is like nugs

DORFWARDEN: like a ring with a fucking nug on there

GORIM: Well, let’s see…

DORFWARDEN: i think you need to give humans you’re gonna marry rings is the thing it needs to be a really good nug ring

WYNNE: Are you genuinely planning to propose to that young woman with a ring with a nug engraving?

DORFWARDEN: fuck you wynne she likes nugs and this shit is romantic as BALLS

SHALE: As the recognized expert at mortal romance that I am, I approve of this plan. It will certainly lead to many fleshy squishy noises that will make Alistair sad.

GORIM: I’m sorry, my Lady Aeducan, but it doesn’t look like we’ve got any. We have a lot of these elephants in fetal positions, however - if you’ll be in town for a few days, we could get one altered?

DORFWARDEN: okay lemme see those

Jan. 31st, 2015 05:10 pm
*Attempts to restrain self from writing ashen Fenris/Hawke/Isabela/Anders shit in which Hawke and Isabela are taking turns being the middle leaf and fucking up in basically similar ways because they both have the emotional intelligence of purebred Saint Bernards.*

Jan. 29th, 2015 07:48 pm
What DAO and DA2 fanfic should I read? Is there any good stuff about Shale’s decision to re-dorf or her relationships with Wynne and Sten, or with a dorfwarden? Or Wynne and Loghain? Or Fenris doing damage to Anders.

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The contents of this blog and all comments I make are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike License. I hope that name is long enough. I could add some stuff. It could also be a Bring Me A Sandwich License.

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