I am extremely fucked up, and got him treats and toys and a few cans of fancier-than-usual food, instead of getting myself intoxicated. Because I feel that intoxication causes... cysts? Grief cysts?????? Similar to cystic acne, hard and encapsulated and uncomfortable to sleep on. Different in that Vitamin A is unlikely to serve as an efficacious treatment.
I was cleaning the cat carrier just now and noticed the tag on it, which said "Nixon [Mylastname]." I ripped it off and wadded it up without thinking about it. I am fucked up like some kind of an Edna St. Vincent Millay which is specifically preoccupied with the mortality of badly-behaved cats.

I was looking for something in the medicine cabinet earlier, found some old meds of Papaw's, and left them in place as always, because "he might need them," then felt distantly shitty, then left them alone.

I need to try and be Roxy Lalonde instead of Rose Lalonde for once and work on the Facing And Accepting Death thing. I just need to try and not do it up too Roxy and drink this bottle of fruit wine Mom got me in one evening or something.

Jun. 28th, 2015 02:12 am
Dubiety gone as of ~2:45 PM. I am sick of Anger Stage Of Grief being my base state of existence. My consciousness will disintegrate and all that will be left is the pattern of electrical impulses responsible for bitching about Bujold on a blog. For visual metaphor imagine melted robot that’s just a hand clattering across a keyboard and a single narrowed eye.

(Belated Tumblr crosspost, he had a saddle thrombus yesterday evening.)
How to cope with health crash:

1) "Okay so I really need to be careful about making sure I have enough vitamins given my apparent inability to digest normal-people foods."

2) Go on Amazon to see if I can order vitamins in bulk cheaper than at store.

3) Pick out four cat-related items because I am worrying about my constantly-sick cat, who is acting sick again today.

4) About to check out: "Wait."

5) "Okay the vitamins are not really cheaper on Amazon than at the drugstore, but here is a good sale on bioperine?"

6) Order a bunch of cat stuff and a small bottle of bioperine.

Jun. 26th, 2015 08:21 pm
My main concern about my imminent death is just that probably no one else will tolerate my cat's bullshit.
me: *feels awful, writes a bunch of angsty bullshit. the angsty bullshit is too angsty bullshit for the internet to bear up under*

me: *lies down on floor next to cat*

me: Fix my problems, cat.

cat: *licks my hand for like two minutes*

May. 8th, 2015 03:18 pm
I didn't latch the screen door right yesterday, and today Buoyancy the Cat got it open, got his collar off, and went outside to play.

Dubiety, upset about this situation (I assume more the door being open than Buoyancy being gone) came and woke me up around two in the afternoon. Because he just wanted to be reassured that he still got petted in a world in which the door was standing open, it was another half hour before I came out and found the problem.

Fortunately for my sanity and his health, Buoyancy was just over by the shed, and came cheerfully when I called him. Two flies had gotten in, an intrusion to which the cats are not accustomed. Buoyancy has been trying to teach himself to fly in an effort to catch them, and Dubiety has been hunched poofed-up on the floor, watching them anxiously.

Apr. 22nd, 2015 04:10 pm
Buoyancy the Cat really likes his Hexbug. He follows it around the kitchen, bats it into a corner, flips it over, then curls up around it to keep it from escaping. Then he bats it some more, until it rights itself and gets moving again.

If it goes into the part of the kitchen he doesn't like - by the sink - he picks it up carefully in his mouth and carries it over to the part he likes - by the food bowls - then drops it and chases it again. When he's done with it, he "kills" it by dropping it on the rug, where it can't move anymore.

I think Dubiety mostly just appreciates that it keeps Buoyancy entertained so he doesn't have to.

Omens

Apr. 9th, 2015 05:10 pm
I am sitting on the couch. A black cat peers around a corner at me. I don't have a black cat.

"- who the hell are you?!"

It bolts back outside the door which my own cats apparently opened for it. How did they do this.
Sorry, I was sick and so was the cat. Maybe I'll observe it some other time, when you are not expecting me to turn into a Homestuck/Witches of Karres crossover character.

Anyway, I'm trying to make it a rule that I have to stand at the counter while hecking around on the internet/playing games now, in hopes that this will keep me from getting groggy. My feet start hurting, and I am too cheap to get one of those mats, so I prepared a small sampler of objects to stand on and tested them one-by-one: a couple different doormats and towels, a fleece blankie, my shoes and slippers.

The thing that turned out to be most comfortable is a pair of $5 pseudo-crocs slippers I lost the fuzzy lining to; they're a little softer than normal crocs, and have smooth insoles, so they're basically perfect for this purpose. I am pleased with the performance of my ugly utilitarian shoes.
I'm going to have to let Buoyancy share Dubiety's expensive medicated food. I've been trying to keep them separated for meals, but they both just spend mealtime walking back and forth between their bowl and the door separating them. Bu mewls and scratches at it.

And they're really stressed out the rest of the day, too - Du won't let me pet him, Bu acts scared of me and his toys. Why am I separating them, why am I locking Du in, why am I taking food away from the anxious former-strays, why am I being meeeeeean?

So, yeah. I gave in and left the medicated stuff out for both of them last night, immediately calming them both down considerably - Du actually purred last night - and called the vet this morning to make sure it was safe to keep doing that. It is, but, like. This is expensive food.
He is following me around the house as normal, and has even purred a couple of times. He has yet to bite me. This will change. He has to eat special food for cats with bladder problems now, which he is not going to like. I'm probably going to try and slip him some l-theanine as well.

He just bit me twice. This is why I'm giving you anxiety meds, poofus.

Mar. 13th, 2015 06:26 pm
Dubiety the Cat got mad at me for caring about his well-being in ways that disrupted his routine (vet visit and medicine), and then at Buoyancy for being his friend. He has growled and snapped at both of us many times today, and is now hiding under the bed.

Buoyancy is also down there in solidarity, because he doesn't understand wanting to be alone. Dubiety sullenly refuses to turn his head in his direction.

Mar. 12th, 2015 10:11 pm
The most upsetting thing in the world is when an animal is sick and just lying quietly somewhere uncharacteristic, disinterested in any outside stimulus like food and being poked.

Stop it, Poofus, try and kill me like normal.

Mar. 8th, 2015 04:10 pm
I found some $1 catnip spray at the grocery and have been putting it on the scratch-toys, with the aim of getting Dubiety away from the furniture and Buoyancy away from the carpet. This has not worked at all on Dubiety, who just gets groggy and mellow when exposed to catnip - it doesn't make him want to play.

It works well on Buoyancy, though! Possibly too well. He licks and chews the things instead of scratching them. He's gnawing the scratching post like a teething dog right now.

I really like the smell of the catnip spray. I wish I could use it as a perfume! I'd probably be eaten in my sleep if I tried.

Feb. 16th, 2015 07:16 pm
Mom and Dad brought a little seizure ball over for Dubiety. It is a seizure ball because it has red and blue LEDs in it that flash when it moves. Dubiety has never had any interest in the seizure ball, so until yesterday, it did not bother me - it stayed in the cat-toy basket in the corner of the living room, untouched like all of the basket's contents.

Yesterday, however, Stray Cat fished the seizure ball out. He has now "chased" it out of the living room, into the kitchen, and then back, multiple times, calculatedly following me around the house with it, so I will see how cute he is, and pay attention to him.

Dude, can you please do that with a toy that doesn't fuck up my brain.

Feb. 15th, 2015 10:15 am
Wake up from nightmares about cat being sick to reality of cat being sick, vet closed, not urgent enough to justify getting him on his cell phone.

(Pet him more than he would prefer, consume kratom.)

(It's not actually a big deal, I just deal very poorly with an animal looking uncomfortable. I'll give him some fiber in his food if the problem hasn't resolved itself by noon.)
me: Aw, poor stray kitty, come on inside and have some food.

stray cat: nice

Dubiety the Cat: FUCK YOU HUMAN! HEY, LOOK AT MY POOP, I PUT IT ON THE FLOOR AND NOT IN THE BOX

me: And there’s a bunch of blood in it, too.

Dubiety: YEAH I’M PROBABLY DYING, VERY TRAGIC, BUT YOU GO AHEAD AND PLAY WITH THAT OTHER CAT, I’LL JUST DIE HERE ALONE

me: Time to to go to the vet, mister.

Dubiety: WAIT, WAIT NO, THIS WAS NOT THE RESULT I WANTED

(He’s fine.)

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The contents of this blog and all comments I make are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike License. I hope that name is long enough. I could add some stuff. It could also be a Bring Me A Sandwich License.

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