This evening's anxiety-fueled research project was pet tracking technology. Because what if Bu gets lost, like Polly did. One of these Bluetooth trackers looks like the most reliable option at the moment, and they don't seem to actually be all that reliable.
He comes running whenever he thinks I'm stressed out. He's not really competent for the job, though. For example, he thinks that running water is a sign of emotional stress! It's clearly self-destructive behavior - he would never turn on a faucet or take a shower, he knows better.

He feels similarly about coding or writing fanfic, but he's probably mostly right about that.

He also thinks that sinking his claws into a human is how you calm them down. I know he's just trying to knead, but I'm neither wearing a thick coat of fur nor producing milk, and he's an unusually pointy cat - seriously, razor-sharp. I suspect I'm going to end up with at least one scar on my stomach as a result of his efforts to heal my wounded soul on Saturday. Cut for slightly gross:

Read more... )


Nov. 22nd, 2015 05:29 pm
my cat when I get in the shower every single morning: *whine whine yowl yowl heartbroken crying nyehhhhhh* continuously until I get back out

my cat every time he realizes I'm under the blankets in bed: *pats and experimentally scratches around the blankets for at least five minutes to make sure he knows exactly where every part of my body can be found*

my cat at dawn every single morning: *tries to claw his way under my bedroom door*

my cat when I accidentally shut him in an empty room: *peaceful and silent acceptance of his situation for the entirety of the >2 hours it takes for me to notice that he's missing*

Nov. 4th, 2015 08:41 pm
Have lost faith in everything. Spent all morning trying to convince my cat to come clean to me. Can't lie to myself any longer, I know he's a Sith Lord.


Edit 1: Hour one of the interrogation was all feigned innocence. Flailing after my hair, pretending enmity and fear for the chipmunks - the usual tired old schtick. God, Bu, don’t you know that I see through you now.


Edit 2: Hour 3. He’s starting to crack, now. Can’t even look me in the eye. Barely pretending interest in batting playfully at the camera strap.


Edit 3: Hour 5.

"And if it were true - what would that change, really? Between us? What changes today, @snarp?"

God help me, I don’t know.
him: *betrayed nyehhhhhh*

me: Dude, I already gave you one piece of kale, that is plenty for you.

him: *tries to stick his head in my salad*

me: *puts him on the floor with his piece of kale*

He just really likes greens.
It's clearly not a conscious one. Maybe the same part that managed my auditory hallucinations, when I was having those? If so, I've clearly mellowed out a little since high school, given that I rarely recite incoherent sentence fragments about dismemberment apocalypse bloodses at him.
The point is that I just realized that today, when he walks up to me, I've been reflexively saying, "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. WE HAVE A HATER."

He scratched my hand pretty bad last night, is probably what it is. (He didn't like the noise I was making on the keyboard while engaging with Mettaton, and he attempted to put a stop to it.)

Oct. 5th, 2015 02:22 pm
me 5-10 times every day: Please do something so I am not so tired and gross-feeling, the medical community has failed me, you have to fix this...

my cat: *teethes on my elbow or something*

me: You, also, have failed me...
Me, on the phone: Bye, Mom -

Dad, yelling somewhere behind her: ASK HER IF SHE WANTS TWO CATS

Me: I don't want the cats.

Mom: She doesn't want the cats, dear.

Dad: No! Give me the phone, give it to me!

Mom: *sigh*

Dad, solemnly: Now, honey, listen. There are two new cats here.

Me: I am all catted out.

Buoyancy the Cat, lying beside me apparently asleep: *actually growls??? which he never does??????*

Me: ...And Bu just actually growled??? Which he never does?????? - So, his answer's also no!

Dad: Just come look at them, honey, please.

Me: Take those cats to the shelter.

Dad: No, listen, listen, they're really talented, they're smart, they were singing - they joined hands and sang the Puss in Boots song -

Me: This sounds unlikely, Dad!

Dad: They were singing together the whole way to the house in the car!

Me: This is not a point in the cats' favor.

Dad: The cats are here. They're here at the house. They're here. *hangs up*

(He will probably take them to the shelter.)
because my idiot cat is too flexible. He manages to wipe the stuff off within under 24 hours no matter where I put it. There is no spot on his body he cannot groom.

It's also a good thing the stuff's so much cheaper now.
I put the fake Angel on a paper towel but it smelled too rubbing alcohol-y initially so I put it on the table. Bu sniffed it just now and then ran out of the room in a panic.

...I just heard him knock the desktop out of sleep mode.

#hes blogging
Since the cat was trying to eat it and he knows best, I just tried on the fake C5. It smells about right, to my fuzzy recollection? I don’t own any of the real stuff to compare it to, and I’ve only tried it on myself once, but the scent is properly initializing the expected traumatic scent-memories of being induced to hug and/or make conversation with strangers at family and political events.

(I don’t like C5. Or White Diamonds. They should back off and stop asking me how my horse princess book is. I am trying to read my horse princess book.)

So, an attempt was made! The Dollar Tree’s perfume supplier is not just dumping random stuff into these bottles. And they didn’t overdo the aldehydic elements to the point of harshness, like a dupe I tried a few years back.

It’s already wearing off, though. If I wanted a fake C5 with staying power (I don’t), I’d probably order some oil from one of those Etsy or eBay shops.

Sep. 9th, 2015 06:00 pm

Today I spent $5 on knockoff perfume at Dollar Tree, which I regard as a good decision. Please place your bets as to whether any of these smell 1) good 2) like the originals.

Bu was interested only in the fake Chanel No. 5.
if he'd made sure the new one was dead before hiding it.

Rookie mistake, Bu.
I just want an RC car that has a USB controller and some sort of scripting, so I can set it to turn on at intervals and wander around at random to entertain my hyperactive cat.

I do not want to learn how many ways I can fuck up an Arduino to accomplish this! I don't have the energy for that right now. I just want to get the thing and set it up and watch my cat pacing suspiciously around a robot that's stuck in the corner.
I think Buoyancy's worked out that Dubiety is not coming back. He is being notably less buoyant than his name would suggest, and very clingy.

He wants to stay in the bedroom with me and wake me up every hour or so at night, I guess to make sure I'm alive; when I put him out, he claws at the carpet outside the bedroom door. When I take a shower, he sits on the sink and yowls at me. When I leave the house, he waits on the ottoman facing the front door, where he can see me right away when I come back.

Jul. 14th, 2015 05:31 pm
The skin cyst on my back that’s right in the middle of my bra-strap line is back. I’m going to ask the cat to lance it for me. That seems like it would work out well.
And very, very loud. Buoyancy the Cat really wants to get to them.
I am extremely fucked up, and got him treats and toys and a few cans of fancier-than-usual food, instead of getting myself intoxicated. Because I feel that intoxication causes... cysts? Grief cysts?????? Similar to cystic acne, hard and encapsulated and uncomfortable to sleep on. Different in that Vitamin A is unlikely to serve as an efficacious treatment.

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