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Suddenly I have listened to this Florence and the Machine CD like five times, because of this.

I keep wanting to call them Florence vs the Machine. On some level I think that I view all encounters with all machines as being intrinsically hostile in nature. I should like, set up a camera in the kitchen to see if I subliminally narrow my eyes and grit my teeth every time I glance at the microwave.
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It turns out that I will read unrelentingly grim milSF, if it is presented to me in the form of Homestuck fanfic about Sollux. This is like finding a zero-day exploit, right here.

(I identify a little too much with Sollux, despite his relatively thin characterization, because he is an ill-tempered programmer who hears voices; I even used to have a lisp. Though at no time in my career as a speech therapy patient did I choose to type in it.)
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Who thought it was a good idea to make a shitload of Harlequin manga in the first place? Why does it comprise like 3/4 of the josei catalog? Does anyone under the age of sixty even read Harlequins? It just seems like a huge demographic mismatch.

Screenshot of Harlequin manga covers with Facebook 'like' boxes on top; one of them, 'Keeping Luke's Secret,' has received a single lonely 'like'.

(those facebook like boxes)

Look at these awful titles:

The Italian Playboy's Secret Son

Sale or Return Bride

The Italian's Passionate Revenge (oh, no! Same Italian?)

The Sheikh's Reluctant Bride

The Sheikh's Contract Bride (the sheikh is keeping busy)

The Billionaire's Virgin Mistress

Married By Mistake! (okay, yeah, that sounds like a manga)

Purchased For Revenge (that, too)

The Forced Bride (this fucking genre, my god)

Cowboys, Babies, and Shotgun Vows (well that sounds crazy fucking romantic)

The Italian's Token Wife (you know it is exactly this sort of behavior that got you guys stuck with Silvio Berlusconi for like nine years)

The Billionaire Boss's Forbidden Mistress (no one forbids the Billionaire Boss! Mistresses, that is. No one forbids him mistresses.)

Pregnant by the Millionaire (she should have held out for the billionaire)

Royally Bedded, Regally Wedded (or maybe whoever this guy is)

The Sheikh's Ransomed Bride (geez sheikh how many of those do you even need)

The Spanish Duke's Virgin Bride (new nationality here, so this story must be completely different from every single one of the others)

The Millionaire's Pregnant Mistress (is this the same as that other millionaire-baby one but retitled? No, it looks like it's different.)

A Date With a Billionaire (she gets a look at his cell phone while he's in the bathroom and the address book is just "virgin one," "pregnant one," "forbidden one," so she walks out and calls up the cowboy. The cowboy is such a good listener.)

Mistress Bought and Paid For (goddamn we are purchasing a lot of fucking women in these stories, what the hell is wrong with Harlequin)

To Marry a Stranger (the stranger has an eyepatch, so yeah this is basically a manga, sure)

Marriage Scandal, Showbiz Baby! (the scandal is that the baby is a reincarnated vengeful alien ghost, right? Because it's manga. Right?)

Claiming His Pregnant Wife (this sounds like a tagline given to a murder by an awful local news station)

Public Wife, Private Mistress (that's generally how it works yeah)

Traded to the Sheikh (I'll bet it was the Spanish Duke initiating this arrangement, I never trusted that guy)

The Billionaire's Secret Baby (oh we all know the billionaire sucks at keeping secrets)

A Wife in Time (I'm unfortunately pretty sure that this isn't about time travel, how are these even manga)

Princess of Convenience (that doesn't even make sense)

The Stanbury Crown, Royally Wed IV - An Officer and a Princess (oh god so someone felt there needed to be three other manga about the royalty of someplace called Stanbury getting married over and fucking over? I bet there are white horses with frilly tack involved.)

Wife By Agreement (well, that's a pleasant first)

The Stanbury Crown, Royally Wed II - The Blacksheep Prince's Bride (there's supposed to be a space in "black sheep" you terrible prince)

The Stanbury Crown, Royally Wed III - Code Name: Prince ("dude that is the shittiest codename" "look do you want to have a goddamn frilly horse wedding or not")

To Woo a Wife (this is really fucking progressive for these things)

The Stanbury Crown, Royally Wed I - The Expectant Princess ("i am expecting to give birth to a secret fucking agent")

Billionaire Bachelors: Stone (maybe the billionaire bachelors are like, elementally-themed, and they're a team of chosen warriors who fight evil together? Because it's manga.)

In The Arms of the Sheikh ("oh baby i have three or four wives already" "that is so hot")

The Celebrity Doctor's Proposal ("oh baby i want to surgically alter your vulva to be more symmetrical, and also marry you maybe" "no i am going to go see if the sheikh's got any spots open")

Million Dollar Men II - Millionaire Husband (these guys are the Monthly GFantasy knockoff of the Billionaire Bachelors)

Million Dollar Men III - The Millionaire's Secret Wish ("man i wish i was a billionaire bachelor, they have that cool elemental thing going on and takahiro sakurai voices one of them in the anime")

Million Dollar Men I - Expecting the Boss's Baby (there are three dudes on the cover of this one, I'm confident that it's mpreg and not just an establishing shot of this crappy hero team together)

Angus's Lost Lady (gonna pretend this is about some cows)

Daniel and Daughter (uh)
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Even very short distances. Maybe it would stress me out less if I just brought my tea paraphernalia with me. Plug the electric kettle into the dashboard, cool the water to exactly 180 F by pouring it between two travel cups, and so on. Actually, that's a great idea with no conceivable drawbacks, I'm totally going to do that.

Unrelated Homestuck stuff: Everything Is Worse With Reddit. I will fight the person who made that comment and everyone who upvoted it. Calliope died all alone and Roxy couldn't save her, and now they're getting to talk again! Roxy can wait a little longer to meet Rose, this is important stuff that's going on. I am defensive of little green skull monsters.
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According to this old otf_wank thread, Aromaleigh, the company that made the eyeshadow I've been using, was putting toxic crap in its eyeshadow. The thread also said that it was shutting down, but apparently it's still there?

Anyway, I'm throwing those guys' eyeshadow out and using some no-brand stuff I got at the 100-yen store three years ago instead. I feel confident that that's safer.
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I googled "wholesale mineral cosmetics" to see how much it would cost to actually assemble a Dwarf Fortress eyeshadow line - I'm not going to, but the answer is, "less than $200." This place, which was the first thing that showed up on Google, will sell you a 1-oz bag of eyeshadow for $11, and they've got the little sifter jars for $25 for 100. I could get the labels printed up at a place in town for $50, and then all that remains is to set up an Etsy storefront with a super-classy logo:

BADGER SOW IS NO LONGER ENRAGED COSMETICS: CAUSE WHAT ARE YOU DOING BUYING COSMETICS IF THE BADGER SOW IS STILL ENRAGED, I MEAN COME ON

I found this website advertising its makeup as "gluten-free." Oh, yeah? Well my mineral foundation is 100% guaranteed not to contain the fat of unbaptized infants. No other line of cosmetics makes that particular promise. That means I win.

BADGER SOW IS NO LONGER ENRAGED COSMETICS: 100% HAUNTING DUST FREE, HAND-BLENDED BY ALIVE HANDS STILL ATTACHED TO PEOPLE, NOT SEVERED ONES REANIMATED BY NECROMANCERS

What I'm trying to say is that makeup doesn't ordinarily have any goddamn gluten in it. It's not a banana muffin.
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Someone on Reddit had a play session of roughly ordinary productivity:

The partial skeleton of a kobold thief animated and is now my fortress' guardian....

This is in a "Wilderness Biome" nowhere near any kind of evil. It only attacks goblin invaders/thieves and ignores my dwarves. I'm not even sure if it's moving when a goblin isn't near it.

Is this some kind of awesome bug?

EDIT: My guardian betrayed me... EDIT 2: Necromancers. They found the goblins their kobold insider killed. 10% of the population died before I could react EDIT 3: 25% EDIT 4: 4 Necromancers dead. 3 Hammer Lords tantrumming. 50% dead. Still more undead roaming...how many more necromancers could their possibly be? EDIT 5: 70% dead. Entire squad of Axe Lords is dead. Only 3 of the 10 hammer lords remain. 0/6 sword masters, 1 swordsdorf. All marksdwarves are dead. All speardwarves are dead.

EDIT 6: 12 dwarves remain. The last Hammer Lord is now rampaging in the deepest levels of the fort. His old friends and many of their body parts rampage above. The remaining necromancers have not shown their faces.

EDIT 7: A carpenter has elected himself mayor. He stands alone in his bedroom. The undead howl and pound at his door. An additional undead siege has arrived to make things more FUN. 232 undead await. 1 dwarf is alive.
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Gray face paint, in case you want to cosplay as a troll.

A red cane, in case you want to cosplay as Terezi, specifically.

3D glasses, in case you want to cosplay as Sollux, specifically.

Detective Pony (Pony Pals #17), in case you are intrigued by the deathless prose sampled here.

Never Trust a Troll! #18 (Dragon Slayers' Academy), I guess because Amazon's search algorithm has basically attained sentience at this point.
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john196920022001: The only legal function ordained ministers have is performing marriages. I think this is the only issue where we need some kind of ordained officiant. I am already and ordained minister so I could perform a Pastafarian marriage if members are serious about the Pastafarian marriage issue.

Moral Minority: Only a pirate captain can perform a marriage ceremony, so you had better get yourself a cutlass, pistol, pirate regallia and a parrot.

john196920022001: That's fine if there is a provision available to do marriages. Is there some kind of official ordination to authorize Pastafarian pirate captains to marry? My main concern is to make sure the marriage is legal

Imber: What about the law that allows a ships captain to marry people as long as the boat is at sea? The only question then would be how long ago a Pirate Captain would have had to steal the boat to have it be considered his/hers. : )

evilbelgian: I think we honestly need a more realistic way to ordain our 'priests' than "sail the seven seas scavenging for loot". Still a formal ceremony would be awesome.

Zankou 2.0: There's no formality in piracy.


- a thread on the Flying Spaghetti Monster message boards
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He created a macro! I also like how, when the Department of Justice dude couldn't resize an image, House offered to help, in his capacity as the nerd in the room.

Sad thing.

Jul. 7th, 2012 02:00 pm
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I saw this ad on a message board while looking up "cooked broccoli refrigerator":

Read more... )

It's not a joke; it leads to this page selling "the only steroid-shopping guide you'll ever need! Find anything you want to achieve the ideal physique, saving money and not getting caught!"

I had not really been aware of what body image issues looked like for guys. Marvel and DC have a lot to answer for.
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Hahaha!

(Mom just called and told me, I was afraid to check the news.)
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* Trying to get a functioning tamped-down-type Dwarf Fortress (no aboveground contact). Progress is slow due to huge irritating migrant waves, requiring more wood than my subterranean farms are yet producing. I should just lock them out and let them starve.

* The SCP Foundation, a series of horror/fantasy/sci-fi stories in the form of wiki entries describing strange objects/people that the Foundation is keeping contained for the good of mankind; SCP stands for Special Containment Procedures. These are my favorites:

SCP-173 - A statue. This was the first one and is the most-linked-to; I found it on Reddit week-before-last, and promptly spent the rest of the evening clicking around. No one on the whole internet knows where that picture actually came from.

SCP-962 - A tower.

SCP-426 - A toaster.

SCP-701 - A Caroline-era revenge tragedy in five acts.

SCP-455 - A shipwreck.

SCP-662 - A bell.

SCP-453 - A night club.

SCP-1981 - A tape of a Ronald Reagan speech.

SCP-1867 - A sea slug.

SCP-1733 - A tape of a basketball game.

SCP-___-J - A rock.

SCP-093 - A thing that sits on a mirror. This one includes an unusually long narrative about the exploration of an alternate reality; very good, but I feel like it needs to be either edited down a lot or fifty pages longer.

SCP-682 - A very mean lizard who is the protagonist of the wiki. The page detailing all the attempts to kill it is funny.
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I had seen this picture before, but I hadn't realize it was official art. Please note the reference photo Edgeworth's got there.

Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 8


Does this cross the "goggles required" line?

View Answers

Yes.
4 (50.0%)

No, Maya's presence creates sufficient ambiguity.
4 (50.0%)



This quote about Lang is also great:

Originally the designer wanted him to be shirtless, but was told no. So he gave Lang a feather boa, figuring that if his nipples were covered that would make it okay, but it didn't. He even tried to justify it by saying Lang was in astronomy club in high school, and he wanted to show off the 7 scars on his chest that make up the constellation Orion. The director did not buy that either.


How many of the Phoenix Wright people just wandered over from some kind of bara game studio? (Bara game studios do exist, right?)
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Fistfight at the symphony:

The concert never stopped, but Muti shot a glance over his left shoulder toward the box where the punches were thrown. One concert-goer described the look as “dagger eyes.”

Robinson said Muti merely paused longer than would be expected and then continued on to the third movement — after getting a signal from someone up in the box.

“Mind you, he never stopped conducting,” Robinson said. “He very gracefully, without missing a beat — literally — he brought [the second movement] to a very quiet and subdued close, while still looking over his left shoulder.”
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I can't do anything about it, so I decided to get anxious about internet privacy instead, because of this sort of stuff. So I installed Ghostery and Do Not Track Plus, and switched my default search engine from Google to DuckDuckGo. Then I laid my bloody palm across my face and tore Google CEO Eric Schmidt to pieces with my bare hands, unless I in fact merely watched more Baccano! and subsequently confused it with real life. I'm worried that my personal metaphors may be getting too violent recently.
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Warren Ellis is interviewed about spaceflight with an emphasis on Newt Gingrich.

I was talking to someone who was considering going into ESL education just before reading this, and I thought: "Hey, this would be a fun thing for advanced teen and adult students to read, if I simplified some of the vocab! They could get into arguments about it. And the teenagers would like the cussing."
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So I read the Hairpin regularly, and stuff that is on its brother-blog the Awl frequently gets cross-posted to it without it being entirely obvious that is a crosspost.

This is fine! But I need to remember to look at the header to make sure it's not an Awl post before I look at the comments. Because I mean geez.

Maybe somehow marking your blog as being Girl repels a certain class of creep? I should throw up some pictures of pink shoes, or whatever you do.

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The contents of this blog and all comments I make are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike License. I hope that name is long enough. I could add some stuff. It could also be a Bring Me A Sandwich License.

If you desire to thank me for the pretend internet magnanimity I show by sharing my important and serious thoughts with you, I accept pretend internet dollars (Bitcoins): 19BqFnAHNpSq8N2A1pafEGSqLv4B6ScstB