[personal profile] snarp
I dreamed that there had been some sort of deal made that Andrew Hussie had to finish Homestuck by the end of the year or all the apocalypses would happen. All possible apocalypses.

Since the apocalypse needs prep time, things had been going subtly wrong all year, but in June everything went pretty much to shit. List of problems I observed Homestuck to have caused:

* Everything’s genetic structure is janked up, and a lot of people are like, part-bear, or can only eat this specific ambiguously-sentient parasitic flower or they die of allergic reaction, but the flowers don’t fill all their nutritional needs so they eventually starve anyway. The flowers are very pretty.

* Sea level is rising dramatically in some places and dropping in others; the English Channel is dry.

* The passage of time is fucked up, so while in some places this has all only been going on for a month, in some it’s been apocalypsing for eons.

For example, the English Channel has been dry for long enough that new intelligent species have evolved there, formed a peaceful civilization, and barred all outsiders from entry using their advanced magitechnology. This civilization... is Redwall.

* Agriculture and weather are glitching out and there’s widespread famine and drought.

Annnnd bunch of competing sets of aliens of varying levels of hostility have invaded, including:

* the ones from The Screwfly Solution

* Homeworld gems

* elves (???)

* Team Rocket (fine, I guess we're doing this)

* the cast of Disgaea

* angels (unaffiliated with Disgaea or Homestuck)

* horrorterrors

* no trolls, conspicuously!

I had a small RV, and had formed a temporary alliance with Lapis and Jasper. I would not ordinarily have allowed Jasper inside my small RV, but her gem had been worn down by the sand at the sea-bottom, making her smaller - she was now only seven feet tall - and also extremely passive, gentle, and depressed.

So the relationship just wasn't working for Lapis anymore, and when their body of water had dried up due to a non-gem-related apocalypse, they'd unfused, and were on their way to Beach City to ask Steven to heal Jasper. I was taking them as far as the southwestern edge of Screwfly territory, which I wasn't prepared to enter.

(Since they're on their way east, I guess Malachite made her way to the Pacific Ocean eventually.)

We'd been travelling with a caravan of Homestuck Cultists, who had stopped in a roofless abandoned town overgrown with beautiful but creepy mutant plants. They were very sure that Homestuck would end by the end of the year - however long a year lasts - and that the world would be saved. I had doubts and was planning to move to outer space pretty soon.

The Homestucks were holding an extravagant wedding between the cult leader and a woman no one ever actually saw, on the eve of a scheduled upd8, which was a holy day for them. Jasper helped set up tables and stuff while I ran around trying to figure out 1) the update schedule, and 2) which of the mutant plants were edible. I settled on gathering up a bunch of deformed tomatoes, squash, and plums. Lapis hid in the back of the RV and messed around on Tumblr.

The cultists hadn't prepared properly for the wedding - the Homestuck cult had strict religious requirements for such ceremonies, demanding that certain vines be growing around the site, and that a bouquet of dried flowers be passed through the attendees. Though the vines grow to full size and begin fruiting within a day, they hadn't been planted on time. Someone was trying to dehydrate flowers a half-hour before the ceremony by putting them in a book that was too small for the flowers in question. Symbolism.

Lapis, Jasper and I stayed through the wedding to be polite (and I wanted cake), but didn't really want to hang around for the upd8 party - there were a lot of Eridan and Cronus cosplayers, it was weird. And I couldn't read the upd8, anyway. Hussie was now having the cultists administer written exams before permitting access to the upd8s, and I'd failed it because I didn't realize there was a time limit and was messing with the mutant plants. Jasper had passed, and offered to sneak me a copy, but Lapis and I wanted to get a move on.

We took with us another outsider travelling with the cultists, a guy I knew from somewhere who had once done something mildly unpleasant to me. Due to apocalypse karma, he was now a tiny teddy bear furry with major health problems. He didn't remember me, or anything else from before. I felt bad for him.

He was still a jerk, though! He had actually gotten substantially jerkier than I remembered, to the point that I was pretty startled by his jerkiness. At one point I told Lapis it would be safe to leave Jasper alone with him while we helped the Homestucks repair some of their cars, and came back to find that Mr. Bear had taken advantage of Jasper’s brain-fucked state to send her on a dangerous errand into the wilderness.

Mr. Bear relied on elf magic to treat his health problems, and in return went out among the humans to act as an nonthreatening envoy for the elves, who were pretty sure humans loved teddy bears. Unfortunately, he didn’t know what he was doing. He had been attempting to broker a treaty between the Homestucks and the elves. He was very frustrated by the Homestucks' disinterest in this alliance, and their irrational belief that their mad god Andrew Hussie could possibly have the power to avert the End Times.

Elven territory wasn't far from where I was dropping off Jasper and Lapis, and he needed to get back to the elves for his regular magical medical treatment, so I offered to bring him along. He was upset about being stuck in close quarters with Jasper and Lapis - Lapis was pretty mad at him for messing with her victim, and he didn’t get what the big deal was and why she’d gone off on him like that, it wasn’t fair. So he spent the whole trip pretending they weren’t there and only talking to me.

Jasper commented to me at one point when Mr. Bear wasn’t there that an elf-gem alliance was probably the only way the elves would be able to stand up against the Screwfly aliens, whose weapons didn't work on gems. As a diplomat, she felt that his duty was to feel Lapis out about this.

Lapis, who was in a bad mood and worried about Steven, said that she’d just kill him if he tried. His incompetence and temper tantrums were going to cause a lot of unnecessary conflict that got the humans the elves ruled killed. Neither Jasper nor I were into the killing thing, so she let it go.

I dropped them off, feeling a little sad about it. Jasper invited me to go along, but I declined, as that would have been suicidal: in her current state she just said and did whatever she felt might make the person she was talking to happy without thinking about the consequences; neither of them actually understood food, sleep, or human physical vulnerabilities in general; Beach City was surrounded by Screwfly territory, which was safe for them but not me; and once Jasper was healed, she'd go back to wanting to kill all the humans, even if they didn't just immediately reform Malachite and dive.

I took Mr. Bear on to the edge of elf territory and tried to hand him over to his immediate superior, a tall, melancholy elf guy. He was trying his best to care for the human refugees he'd been assigned to rule, but didn't have much in the way of resources, or backup from the elven civilization centers in Tennessee.

The elvish forces had essentially written the east coast off as a loss to the Screwfly aliens, and were pulling most of their own people out, leaving people like him behind to try to deal with the damage. He seemed to be dealing with it by quietly killing all the remaining human men. (Mr. Bear was no longer entirely human, and as such seemed to be immune.)

I didn't want to be caught in the middle of this situation, but the elf guy couldn't help Mr. Bear, who was now extremely sick, so I brought him deeper into elven territory than I'd wanted to go. This area was all desert now, nothing growing and no water. The frustrated elf wizard who ruled the small elven settlement was not enthusiastic to have Mr. Bear back - he had a crush on her, which she found exasperating. She healed him, but I wasn't sure how long she'd keep caring for him, and he refused to leave.

She realized I felt responsible for him, and tried to use my concern to blackmail me into helping her access an encrypted database I'd apparently established for a previous government that had ruled this area at some point in the distant past; I vaguely remembered doing this, and that the database was somehow dangerous. I told her that the passwords had all been changed before I left the region the first time, and I couldn't get in. I had no idea whether this was true or not, but she clearly didn't believe me. I decided to get out of there before she tried anything unpleasant to get me to help. I was getting the feeling that we'd met before and I couldn't remember her.

I'd been planning to try to route around Screwfly territory to the north and take a land bridge to Europe, see if Redwall would let me in so I could visit thegeekgene (she lived there and was maybe a squirrel), and then head for India, where I'd arranged to help some mad scientists fix their spaceship.

I had psychic powers that allowed me to sense where to find things necessary to my survival: allies like Lapis, Jasper, and the Homestucks, safe places (I think I'd led the Homestucks to the place where they held the wedding), food, and water. And presumably spaceship parts, if whatever made these decisions felt that heading out into space was in fact a good idea - the mad scientists were convinced it was, of course. I wanted to go to space, so I felt it was a good thing to try.

However, the cost of this power was that I frequently went semi-catatonic for days or weeks at a time without warning, allowing things to go to shit around me. Also, my long-term memory only had maybe six months to a year worth of drive space, and portions of it got wiped at random every time my consciousness cut out for a while, so it was spotty and non-consecutive.

I got robbed a lot while zoned out, and people who knew about my situation used my blackouts and memory loss to hold me to agreements I hadn't made or had already fulfilled once. I had no idea how old I was or where the RV had come from, and I worried frequently that I might have stolen it.

In this case, I zoned out in the RV in the desert and woke up several weeks later, my planned route having been cut off somehow in the meantime. I was sick from not eating and drinking enough, and running low on gas from driving around in circles in a half-conscious daze. There were also dozens of messages on my phone from Mr. Bear.

The first few were insisting that I had to come back into elf territory, because they needed me to get them into the database to stop gem attackers. He'd clearly sent the message without either using his common sense or consulting the elf, because it jarred my memory as to what the database was: part of a control system for anti-gem weapons.

In his second-to-last message, he was manipulatively pointing out to me that the water and electricity sources I'd found and jacked the RV into were going to be cut off soon, and that the elves were the nearest source of gas - I could sense that this was true. In the last one, he seemed to be dying.

So I went back. And then I woke up.

(Though it didn't occur to me in the dream, my powers and vulnerabilities are cribbed from a character in a thing I'm writing. The person in question dealt with the situation by teaming up with a red-themed wizard jerk wandering the earth on a self-destructive quest; the wizard kept an eye on them while they were out of it, and acted as an external hard drive for their memory.

So, my subconscious apparently tried Jasper on for the wizard's role and decided she didn't fit.

The dream was a lot less coherent and more complicated than this overall - there was some sort of conflict between the Disgaea cast and Redwall; the Disgaea cast was in conflict with itself and some of them had maybe joined Team Rocket; Lapis and Jasper were considering teaming up with Laharl, which I thought was a bad idea; Redwall had built a really tall tower out of mud, and thegeekgene had moved there, which worried me because I thought it was going to fall down; there were confused cyborg guys who for some reason wanted me to write them a tutorial on how to buy groceries.)

Date: 2015-08-02 04:30 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] rememberwhenyoutried
Our internet is all fucked up for some reason tonight which means this is one of the only things I've been able to load and read. It was worth it.

Date: 2015-08-03 06:09 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] rachelmanija
You really ought to beat your dreams into slightly more coherent form and start publishing them, minus the copyright elements. Your subconscious is so cool!

Date: 2015-08-03 06:26 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] rachelmanija
I'd tap read that.

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